


tell your lemons to fuck off

by Adox



Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Amputation, Canon Disabled Character, F/F, F/M, Memes, Past Child Abuse, Wrong Number AU, art by me, biker yang, called salem, chat fic, cinder x vernal too, ha, it's full of memes but don't be swayed, m e m e s, musician merc, the villains are just in a band, theres angst too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-02
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-09 17:43:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12893364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adox/pseuds/Adox
Summary: Unknown Number <3:00 AM>how many lightbulbs doe s life need to give u before u realize y ou can’t make lemonadeYang <3:03 AM>How many lemons do you need to throw at someone before they shut the fuck up?Lemons <3:04 AM>good question





	1. lemons

**Author's Note:**

> Here are all the handles for the group chats and instagrams later on
> 
> RWBY  
> fetus/idrinkmilk: Ruby  
> emo/from.shadows: Blake  
> ice queen/iammilk: Weiss  
> Punsexual/yangalang: Yang
> 
> Villain Squad:  
> Favorite son/kick.silver: Merc  
> Favorite daughter/sass.trai: Em  
> Mom/fall.maiden: Cinder  
> Mom2/spring.maiden: Vernal  
> the other one: Roman  
> baby/itwasme.neo: Neo

**Unknown Number <2:30 PM>**

quick q

 

if I were to murder my manager

 

how many years do u think ill get

 

                        **Yang <2:33 PM>**

Depends on if you get caught

 

Ur looking at life if they r a white male tho

 

**Unknown Number <2:33 PM>**

shit u rite

 

what if i am a white male tho

 

**Yang <2:34 PM>**

You’ll probs just get community service then

 

**Unknown Number <2:34 PM>**

k thx

 

**Yang <5:00 PM>**

???????

 

* * *

 

 

**Unknown Number <8:00 AM>**

??????????? ? ?? ???  ???? ?? ??

 

**Yang <11:00 AM>**

fuck u too

 

I s2g if u actually killed ur manager

 

**Unknown Number <11:00 AM>**

dw I just shifted everything in his office 2 cm to the left

 

            **Yang <11:05 AM>**

W h y

 

Also how do u always respond so fast

 

**Unknown Number <11:05 AM>**

Magic

 

**Yang <11:06 AM>**

K so this was fun but u’ve got the wrong #

 

**Unknown Number <11:06 AM>**

Duh

 

I tho ught this wuz Em’s # @ first but she would’ve bent ass backwards when I threatened to kill our boss

 

She’s a kissass

 

**Yang <11:06 AM>**

Cool

 

Bye

 

**Unknown Number <11:07 AM>**

??? ?? ? ??  ? ? ? ??

**Yang <11:08 AM>**

I swear to fucking Christ

* * *

 

 

 

**Unknown Number <3:00 AM>**

how many lightbulbs doe s life need to give u before u realize y ou can’t make lemonade

 

            **Yang <3:03 AM>**

How many lemons do you need to throw at someone before they shut the fuck up?

 

 

**Lemons <3:04 AM>**

good question

 

**-**

**Lemons <9:00 PM>**

 

 

 

**Yang <9:05 PM>**

Did u spend

 

18 hours

 

looking for that picture

 

**Lemons <9:06 PM>**

I have a life u kno

 

Also;

 

Yes

 

Im not ashamed

**Yang <9:06 PM>**

At first I thought u were like a serial killer

 

Or a pedophile

 

Or some shit,

 

But you’re too pathetic for that

 

**Lemons <9:07 PM>**

You aren’t wrong

 

U wanna see the honorable mentions?

 

**Yang <9:07 PM>  
**??? ? ???

 

**Lemons <9:07 PM>**

Like I went thru like 20 memes b4 choosing that 1

 

**Yang <9:07 PM>**

Plz don't

 

**Lemons <9:08 PM>**

O k a y

 

 

 

 

 

sorry my finger slipped

 

**Yang <9:09 PM>**

I fucking hate you

 

* * *

 

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Sausage Party??!!_ **

_Punsexual, Ice Queen, emo, and fetus_ _™_

**Ice Queen**

Anybody want to explain why the chat is entitled

 

“Sausage Party??!!”

 

We’re all female here,

 

And you don’t need the punctuation?

 

**emo**

ask Yang

 

**Punsexual**

I don't even remember man

 

U guys can change it if u want

 

**fetus** ™

YANG!!!!

 

**Punsexual**

Hey

 

**fetus** ™

YOU”RE ALIveE

 

**Punsexual**

Wasn’t that the point?

 

Also ruby u r in the next room

 

 

**fetus** ™

I know

 

Its just

 

U haven’t really been on the chat since

 

Everything

 

**Punsexual**

Tru

 

But im here now?

 

**Ice Queen**

I’m glad you’re getting better, Yang.

 

And that you haven’t sent any of those dumb

 

“memes”

 

you always send

 

 

**emo**

Weiss

 

W h y

 

 

**Ice Queen**

What did I do wrong

 

Yang???

 

 

**fetus** **™**

she’s been gone too long

 

prepare yourselves

**Punsexual**

 

 

 

[ ](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/892/936/b91.jpg)

****

****

**emo**

are you done yet

 

 

**Punsexual**

now im done

 

**Ice Queen**

That last one was kind of funny though

 

**Punsexual**

Oh come on

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

**Yang <9:08 AM>**

I need advice

 

And id rather talk to a stranger than anyone else

 

**Lemons <9:10 AM>**

Don’t microwave lemons

 

**Yang <9:11 AM>**

What

 

**Lemons <9:11 AM>**

What

 

U wanted advice

 

**Yang <9:12 AM>**

No but seriously im…

 

Confused.

 

Hypothetically, if something were to happen to you

 

Something that changes your life— ruins everything

 

And everybody acts like nothing happens

 

While you’re stuck in the mud behind them

 

What are you supposed to do

 

**Lemons <9:15 AM>**

They r probs really awkward about it

 

if they acknowledge that you’ve changed, they’ll have to change as well

 

it’s the opposite actually, you’re not stuck behind them

 

you’re ahead. They don’t want to leave that safe space. And they don't have to

 

u are the only one who isn’t moving voluntarily, so it seems like you’re in the wrong

 

 

**Yang <9:20 AM>**

How eloquent

 

**Lemons <9:20 AM>**

I try

 

**Yang <11:00 PM>**

Thanks

 

**Lemons <11:01 PM>**

? ? ? ? ??? ?? ??

 

**Yang <11:01 PM>**

Jfc

 

-

-

-

 

**Yang <8:09 AM>**

I just realized ive been texting a stranger for a whole week

 

And it hasn’t occurred to me that you’re probably this 40 y/o in his mother’s basement

 

I was quick to think

 

“Serial Killer”

 

but idk y

 

 

**Lemons <8:10 AM>**

Probs because our first convo was about murder

 

**Yang <8:10 AM>**

Shit u rite

 

**Lemons <8:10 AM>**

as usual

 

**Yang <8:11 AM>**

so 40 y/o

 

**Lemons <8:11 AM>**

*20

 

**Yang <8:12 AM>**

Wait really?

 

That’s younger than me

**Lemons <8:12 AM>**

Maybe u r the 40 y/o

 

Preying on an underage boi

 

Who only wants to have a good time

 

**Yang <8:12 AM>**

Im 21 u dickwad

 

**Lemons <8:12 AM>**

ya but

 

You probably drink fine wines and martinis

 

While im fighting off my addiction to orange juice

 

Ur practically a pedo

 

**Yang <8:12 AM>**

Are u implying that I’d ever fuck you

 

Because oh buddy do I have news for u

 

**Lemons <8:12 AM>**

*Breaking news

 

Because you’re breaking my heart here

 

 

**Yang <8:12  AM>**

Good for u

 

**Lemons <8:13 AM>**

I came here to have a good time but I honestly feel so attacked rn

 

**Yang <8:13 AM>  
**I lied

 

I don’t think ur 40

 

U cant be older than 12

 

**Lemons <8:13 AM>**

What can I say, I was deprived of a good childhood so im compensating

 

**Yang <8:13 AM>**

Well this got dark

 

**Lemons <8:14 AM>**

Yep

 

**Yang <8:15 AM>**

If im gonna keep exchanging memes with u

 

I need to kno u aren’t a serial killer

 

**Lemons <8:17 AM>**

What do u want me to do

 

Send a selfie?

 

**Yang <8:17 AM>**

Sure

 

**Lemons <8:18 AM>**

Ya no

 

**Yang <8:18 AM>**

Y

 

**Lemons <8:18 AM>**

My mom said never to talk to strangers on the internet

 

U r stranger

 

**Yang <8:19 AM>**

The scariest thing is that I can never tell if u r joking or not

 

**Lemons <8:19 AM>  
**What can I say?

 

I’ve reached ultimate levels of irony

 

**Yang <8:19 AM>**

K buddy

 

 

-

* * *

 

-

 

**Yang <10:04 PM>**

Im bored

 

U wanna send some memes

 

**Lemons <3:03 AM>**

 

 

**Yang <3:05 AM>**

Its been 5 hours

 

**Lemons <3:06 AM>**

Im playing hard to get, but I really wanted to send that pic

 

So

 

**Yang <3:10 AM>**

Wanna tell me ur name

 

U r literally labeled as “lemons” in my phone

 

**Lemons <3:10 AM>**

Idk man

 

I really like lemons

 

**Yang <3:11 AM>**

Wait

 

What am I on ur phone

 

 

**Lemons <3:11 AM>**

Trade secret

 

** <3:14 AM>**

“??? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ???? ?”

 

**Yang <3:14 AM>**

Nice

 

How about we like play 20 questions or something

 

**Lemons <3:15 AM>**

What is this, a fanfiction

 

Like u always have that one scene where they play 20 q and only get through like 4 questions before either making out or crossing a really sensitive topic

 

**Yang <3:15 AM>**

So, no?

 

**Lemons <3:16 AM> **

Nah fam I have nothing else to do

            **Yang <3:16 AM>**

Sleep?

 

**Lemons <3:16 AM>**

I s  f o r  t h e  w e a k

 

U wanna start

 

**Yang <3:17 AM>**

Sure

 

Cats or dogs

 

**Lemons <3:17 AM>**

Dogs

 

The memes aren’t as stale

 

**Yang <3:18 AM>**

Thank god.

 

Cat people can suck it. My bff’s a cat person and Its been quite the obstacle

 

**Lemons <3:18 AM>**

Mk

 

How many toes do u have

 

**Yang <3:18 AM>**

Is that legitimately ur question

 

**Lemons <3:19 AM>**

Is it?

 

**Yang <3:19 AM>**

10

 

siblings?

 

**Lemons <3:20 AM>**

Nope

 

Favorite late 19th century, early 20th century artist?

 

**Yang <3:20 AM>**

That literally says nothing about me

**Lemons <3:22 AM>**

Youd be surprised

 

Monet people r always really pretentious. Corbitches tend to be pretty boring. And I think Manet ppl have some latent mommy kinks/ no judgement here tho

 

**Yang <3:23 AM>**

Corbitches?

**Lemons <3:23 AM>**

People who like Corbet

 

Corbitches.

**Yang <3:23 AM>**

Idk

 

Picasso

**Lemons <3:24 AM>**

Try harder

 

**Yang <3:25 AM>**

I like Klimt

 

Gold is my favorite color

**Lemons <3:25 AM>**

Nice choice

 

I thought u were mainstream at first with fuckin Picasso

 

**Yang <3:26 AM>  
**what does Klimt say about me

 

**Lemons <3:27 AM>**

That ur sad

 

Like the art style he uses is supposed to make the viewer happier

 

 take them out of reality

 

**Yang <3:30 AM>  
**my turn

 

What is ur favorite 20th century artist

 

**Lemons <3:31 AM>**

Hopper

 

He’s also my least favorite tho

Pineapple on pizza?

 

**Yang <3:34 AM>**

 yes

 

**Lemons <3:35 AM>**

hELL YES

 

**Yang <3:35 AM>**

What is ur name?

 

Or nickname

 

**Lemons <3:37 AM>**

M y  mo m  sa id  no ta l king t o str ang ers

 

It’s mercury

 

**Yang <3:37 AM>**

[](https://images.complex.com/complex/images/c_limit,w_680/fl_lossy,pg_1,q_auto/bujewhyvyyg08gjksyqh/spongebob) 

mY mOm SaId No TaLkInG tO sTrAnGeRs

 

come on we’re close enough to know each other’s fav 20th century artist

 

oh

 

wait u just told me

 

Mercury? Really?

 

**Mercury <3:38 AM>**

Not even joking

 

It’s a sick name tho

 

Wbu

**Yang <3:39 AM>**

Yang

 

**Mercury <3:40 AM>**

Cool

 

[ ](http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/i-have-died-everyday-waiting-for-you.jpg/)

 

 

**Yang <3:41 AM>**

Beautiful

 

-

* * *

 

-

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Sausage Party??!!_ **

_Punsexual, Ice Queen, emo, and fetus_ _™_

 

**Fetus** _™_

Yang y are u laughing so hard

 

Im trying to sleepppp

 

 

**Emo**

Ruby why are you sending this to the gc

 

She is literally in the next room

 

**Ice Queen**

Why do you all insist on never sleeping?

 

**Punsexual**

Sorry

 

**Emo**

Im glad you’re finally smiling again Yang

 

Even if you’re probably watching porn

 

**Punsexual**

Looking at memes

 

Sort of

 

**Ice Queen**

Of course you are.

 

-

-

-

 

**Yang <9:46 AM>**

Sup

 

Wanna finish 20 q

 

Im rlly bored

**Mercury <9:50 AM>**

I wish

 

I have a job rip

 

Gotta go make some $$ to pay for my internet thx

 

**Yang <9:50 AM>**

Sorry

 

**Mercury <9:53 AM>**

It’s all good

 

Here have my Instagram u can find memes there

 

Link

-

-

-

****

****

****

 

****

**_Comments:_ **

**Fall.maiden**

I knew you’d look good in those. You should let me dress you more often.

 

**Sass.trai**

@ _fall.maiden_ yeah you wish. I don’t think he ever takes off that dumb jacket

 

**Kick.silver**

_@fall.maiden @Sass.trai_ ok guys i came here to have a good time but I honestly feel really attacked rn

 

**Sass.trai**

@ _kick.silver_ good

****

****

**_Comments_ **

**Itwasme.neo**

Creds me on the pic, dickwad

 

**Kick.silver**

@ _itwasme.neo_ no

 

**Itwasme.neo**

K whatever

 

**Sass.trai**

If that wasn’t the most uneventful conversation out there I don’t know what is

 

 

****

**_Comments:_ **

****

**Sass.trai**

You have time to show off that you play the guitar, but not to actually promote our band?

 

**Kick.silver**

@ _sass.trai_ it’s literally in my bio “GUITARIST OF SALEM: @s.a.l.3.m”

 

**Spring.Maiden**

still think y’all rocked last night— can’t wait for you to play at our club next time

 

**fall.maiden**

thanks babe @ _spring.maiden_

 

**kick.silver**

 @ _spring.maiden @fall.maiden_ I just choked on my own vomit

 

-

* * *

 

-

**_CHAT ROOM: Sausage Party??!!_ **

_Punsexual, Ice Queen, emo, and fetus_ _™_

**Punsexual**

Fuck

he’s hot

**emo**

what the hell yang you haven’t been out of the house in weeks

 

how are you still managing to be so thirsty

**Punsexual**

 

 

I DON’T KNOW BUT

 

 

**emo**

fuck

 

she’s hot

 

**Punsexual**

I knew id snag ur gay little heart

 

 

-

* * *

 

-

 

**_Comments_ **

**iammilk**

 You’ll ride her again, Yang, don’t worry!

**From.Shadows**

 glad you’re posting again

 

**PyrrhaN.kos**

 Get well soon, Yang!

 

 

****

**_Comments_ **

**idrinkmilk**

Yang why do u ruin such a pretty picture with such a shitty pun

 

-

* * *

 

-

****

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom_ **

_Mom, favorite daughter, favorite son, the other one, mom2, baby_

**Favorite son**

FUCK

 

She’s hot

**Mom**

I know

 

But im taken

 

**Mom2**

U kno it

 

**Favorite son**

Shut the fuck up Mom

 

**Mom**

language

 

**Favorite son**

Quell the air strumming your vocal chords,

 

 cease the joining of your fingers against the screen of your phone

 

**Mom**

Better

**Favorite Daughter**

Mercury I s2g you’re literally the only straight one here

 

We don’t care about ur problems

 

**The other one**

Ha “straight”

 

Just like spaghetti

 

until it gets steamy

 

**Favorite son**

Tru

 

**Favorite Daughter**

K merc why should we care about this “super hot” chick

 

Lemme guess: blonde, funny, and has a motorcycle

 

I know your type

 

Thank god you don’t know mine

 

**Favorite son**

Are u sure?

Her best friend is single

 

**Favorite Daughter**

fUCK MERC  I LIED

 

YOU KNOW MY TYPE

 

Adhksjahdkjhkajca

 

**Mom**

Mercury did you just give my daughter a seizure

 

**Favorite son**

Perhaps

 

**Mom**

You’re grounded

 

**Favorite son**

dammit


	2. oh no it happened again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yang <7:12 PM>  
> We gotta finish 20 q before this becomes a shitty fanfiction
> 
> We only got through like 4 questions
> 
> Mercury <7:12 PM>  
> Wow ok not all fanfiction is shitty
> 
> Um you have aCTUAL WRITERS doing things 
> 
> You’re just too scared of whats different to accept what’s right
> 
> I say, desperately hiding the A/B/O incestuous bestiality using inaccurate representations of historical figures
> 
> Yang <7:15 PM>  
> The sad thing is 
> 
> That isn’t even an exaggeration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the group chat at the end is happening throughout Yang and Mercury's conversation. At the same time. It might be confusing sorry
> 
> OK SO users
> 
> fetus/r00by: Ruby  
> Ice Queen/why-s: Weiss  
> emo/OwO whats this: Blake  
> Punsexual/mans very hot: Yang  
> Favorite son/kick.silver: Mercury  
> Favorite daughter/sass.trai: Emerald  
> Mom: Cinder  
> Mom2/spring.maiden: Vernal   
> the other one: Roman  
> baby: Neo  
> juan: Jaune  
> p-money: Pyrrha  
> Thora: Nora  
> Lie Ren: Lie Ren

**Mercury <7:09 PM>**

Sup homie

 

**Yang <7:09 PM>**

Plz never say that again

 

P l z

 

**Mercury <7:10 PM>**

K fam

 

**Yang <7:10 PM>**

That's not any better

 

**Mercury <7:10 PM>**

U expect too much from me

 

If im not allowed to ironically use outdated rhetoric then we have a problem

 

**Yang <7:11 PM>**

That's not the only problem we have

 

**Mercury <7:11 PM>**

Wdym

 

**Yang <7:12 PM>**

We gotta finish 20 q before this becomes a shitty fanfiction

 

We only got through like 4 questions

 

**Mercury <7:12 PM>**

Wow ok not all fanfiction is shitty

 

Um you have aCTUAL WRITERS doing things

 

You’re just too scared of whats different to accept what’s right

 

I say, desperately hiding the A/B/O incestuous bestiality using inaccurate representations of historical figures

**Yang <7:15 PM>**

The sad thing is

 

That isn’t even an exaggeration

 

**Mercury <7:15 PM>**

Idk man 12 y/o girls can be kinky

 

**Yang <7:16 PM>**

Looking back at my 12 y/o self

 

I can confirm your generalization

 

**Mercury <7:16 PM>**

Good

 

I thought you were gonna take my statement in a completely different direction

 

**Yang <7:17 PM>**

What direction

 

Oh

 

Wait let me travel back to my 7:16 PM self

 

“so u are a pedo then”

 

 

**Mercury <7:17 PM>**

sO 20 QUESTIONs

 

who’s turn is it anyways

 

**Yang <7:18 PM>**

Mine

 

**Mercury <7:18 PM>**

K

**Yang <7:18 PM>**

So u have a band?

 

**Mercury <7:18 PM>**

Ya

 

It’s called Salem. We usually do grungy angsty shit. Some covers. It’s something we enjoy but we have jobs and school on the side too, so

 

Im the guitarist, Cinder on vocals, Neo on drums (but she raps 2 idk), Roman on Bass, Emerald on keyboard

**Yang <7:21 PM>**

Emerald

 

Is she the one w the green hair

**Mercury <7:21 PM>**

Wow just skipping my question okay

 

Ya she is

**Yang <7:22 PM>**

Sorry

 

OMG my best friend is totally into her

**Mercury <7:22 PM>**

Plz tell me this best friend is the one w a bow

 

**Yang <7:23 PM>**

She is

 

Oh my god

 

oH MY GOD YES WE HAVE TO SET THEM UP

**Mercury <7:23 PM>**

Agreed

 

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom_ **

_Mom, favorite daughter, favorite son, the other one, mom2, baby_

 

**Favorite son**

Hey em I gochu covered

 

**Favorite daughter**

?

 

**Favorite son**

The chick u think is hot

 

I can hit u up

**Favorite daughter**

I thought u were trying to hit yourself up with this blonde chick

 

**Mom**

Who you met over the internet

 

What did I tell you about talking to strangers on the internet, Mercury

 

**Favorite son**

I learned her favorite early 20th century artist first tho

 

**Mom**

Just making sure

**Favorite son**

Oh btw are we going out after the show tmw

 

**Mom**

If you all want

 

Just not pizza like the last 291029 times

 

**Favorite son**

But pizza

 

**Favorite Daughter**

Im good with anything

 

As long as it’s not sushi

**Favorite son**

Oh my god emerald

 

**The other one**

We literally all like sushi except for you

 

**Baby**

^^

 

**Favorite daughter**

I hate raw fish

 

It’s like just eating a dead body

**Favorite son**

Yea, which is why California Rolls exist

 

**Favorite daughter**

I hate avocado

 

**Favorite son**

theRE’S LITERALLY NO FLAVOR EMERALD

**Favorite daughter**

The texture is gross idk

 

Like it’s really pasty?

**Favorite son**

It’s soft and silky and thicc

 

What’s not to like?

**Favorite daughter**

E v e r y t h i n g

 

**Baby**

I just had a thought

 

What if you filled a pool with guacamole

 

And swam in it

 

 

**The other one**

Mm daddy

 

**Favorite daughter**

Ew

 

Ewewewewewewwww

 

**Mom2**

Hey Cinder I haven’t thought about it until now but

 

**Favorite son**

It would be hot to get fucked with an avocado

**Mom2**

Wtf

 

That’s not what I was going to say

 

**Mom**

What were you going to say babe

 

**Mom2**

We should go to that Mexican place for our anniversary

 

Since we were on the topic of guacamole

 

**The other one**

I figured out why Emerald doesn’t like avocados

 

She is an avocado

 

**_[](https://78.media.tumblr.com/cd671cb11be818ed3792c1bd4121d7f0/tumblr_p0s1jv6uie1usyz4jo4_1280.png)_ **

spot the difference

****

**Favorite son**

We’ve cracked the case

 

**Favorite daughter**

I remember that ski trip

 

When I pushed you off of the ski lift and you slid down the mountain so pathetically I almost cried

 

From laughing

 

Remember that, Mercury?

**Favorite son**

Wow ok

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**Mercury <7:45 PM>**

Stance on sushi?

 

**Yang <7:45 PM>**

Im indifferent

 

I don’t like avocado tho

 

**Mercury <7:47 PM>**

( 

 

**Yang <7:48 PM>**

What’s happening again

 

**Mercury <7:48 PM>**

Ppl hating on avocados

 

They’re good shittttt

 

**Yang <7:49 PM>**

S o r r y

 

But I prefer lemons

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/f66c9dfa60e636ce5efae1a49955c525/tumblr_p0s1jv6uie1usyz4jo1_1280.png)

 

 

**Mercury <7:50 PM>**

Touché

 

also haven’t you already posted that picture 2334 times on ur Instagram

 

im not even special am i

**Yang <7:50 PM>**

Wow stalker in the house

 

**Mercury <7:51 PM>**

I feel like our roles have switched since we first started txting and im not ok w it

 

Im supposed to be the annoying one

 

**Yang <7:51 PM>**

Was that an insult

 

Or self deprecation

**Mercury <7:52 PM>**

If u kno me long enough you’ll come to realize that everything I say is a combination of the two

 

so

**Yang <7:52 PM>**

mE TOO

**Mercury <7:53 PM>**

It’s ur turn to ask a question btw

 

Mine was the sushi one

 

**Yang <7:53 PM>**

Uhhhh idk

 

What’s ur first kiss story?

 

**Mercury <7:54 PM>**

Uh

 

Hmm

 

Well I was 16, and Em and I hadn’t had our first kiss yet.

 

Not a *real* one anyways

 

So we just made out w each other even tho she’s gay as shit and I wasn’t emotionally stable enough for any sort of relationship

 

**Yang <7:58 PM>  
**huh

 

My first kiss was when I was 11

We were playing spin the bottle at a sleepover and I had to kiss my friend Weiss

 

It was rlly awkward since my sis had a HUGE crush on her

 

Still does

 

But they’re togerther so

 

Together*

 

**Mercury <8:00 PM>**

Well both of those are uneventful stories

 

My turn

 

If you had a boat, what would you name it?

**Yang <8:02 PM>**

Fed-ex

 

Because,

**Mercury <8:02 PM>  
**you’re shipping something ha ha

 

That ha ha was sarcastic btw

 

**Yang <8:03 PM>**

Sure buddy

**Mercury <8:03 PM>**

Ur turn

 

**Yang <8:04 PM> **

Dumbest injury?

**Mercury <8:05 PM>**

The injury itself or the story behind it

 

**Yang <8:05 PM>**

Story lol

**Mercury <8:10 PM>**

So I was on an escalator going up and I lost balance so I toppled down but it was still going up so I was literally falling down this escalator for a solid minute because there was no end

 

That’s where the scar on my cheek came from lol

 

**[](https://78.media.tumblr.com/f49a23b87cfc24d13cd3448f5e047729/tumblr_p0s1jv6uie1usyz4jo3_1280.png)**

**Yang <8:15 PM>**

That is actually really dumb

 

How tf do you trip down an escalator

 

**Mercury <8:16 PM>**

*trip UP an escalator

 

I have really really bad balance

 

**Yang <8:17 PM>**

Relatable

 

**Mercury <8:17 PM>**

Country or city?

 

**Yang <8:18 PM>**

Depends

 

I couldn’t bear living in the country forever

 

But I love going out every once in a while

 

It’s so open u kno

 

**Mercury <8:20 PM>**

Can confirm that growing up in the country sucks ass

 

**Yang <8:20 PM>**

U r a country boy?

 

Do yOU HAVE A SOUTHERN DRAWL

**Mercury <8:21 PM>**

No I don’t

 

Ya I grew up in the middle of nowhere

 

It su c k e d  a s s

**Yang <8:23 PM>**

With no siblings?

 

Must’ve been boring

**Mercury <8:23 PM>**

I don’t like talking about it

 

**Yang <8:24 PM>**

Mk bub

 

What’s your favorite pun?

**Mercury <8:25 PM>**

Why are there barcodes on the side of Norwegian battle cruisers?

 

To Scandinavian

 

**Yang <8:26 PM>**

hA

 

my fav is:

 

what do u call a kind of cool vegetable?

 

A RADISH

 

ASFSDKJHFKJDHS Im so funny

 

**Mercury <8:28 PM>**

You disgust mek

 

Since we r on the topic of shitty senses of humor

 

What is ur fav meme

**Yang <8:30 PM>**

How do I just choose a fav meme

 

I like the HOW TO TALK TO SHORT PEOPLE one nowadays

 

**Mercury <8:33 PM>**

**[ ](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/273/491/f66.jpg) **

**[ ](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/270/253/e3a.png) **

**[ ](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/270/184/64a.jpg) **

**Yang <8:41 PM>**

jUST MARRY ME ALREADY

 

**Mercury <8:42 PM>**

. . .

**Yang <8:42 PM>**

SHIT  
  
WRONG CHAT HAHA

**Mercury <8:43 PM>**

Well I think that marriage should be a decision you make after the age of 30 thx

 

**Yang <8:43 PM>**

Sure

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Sausage Party??!!_ **

_Punsexual, Ice Queen, emo, and fetus_ _™_

**Punsexual**

Sup fuck nuggets

 

**Emo**

I don’t want to picture that

 

Sup

 

**Punsexual**

So Ive been talking to Merc

 

**fetus** _™_

pft “merc”

 

so whipped

**Punsexual**

Stfu

 

aNYWAYS SO WE’VE BEEN TALKING AND

 

I’ve gotchu covered Blake

 

**Emo**

?

**Punsexual**

Your hots for his friend emerald

**Emo**

Oh

 

Right

 

You mean the most beautiful person ever

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/12cf0f6c81b91ac7307d515751605990/tumblr_p0s1jv6uie1usyz4jo2_1280.png)

 

 

**fetus** _™_

so whipped

 

yall hopeless

 

**Punsexual**

Anyways so we r talking now

 

We r playing 20 questions

**Emo**

What is this, a fanfic

 

**Ice queen**

Yes

**Punsexual**

gUYS HE’S SO UGHHH  


HE JUST FUCKING

 

 

**fetus** _™_

wait let’s take this onto the main chat

 

 

 

**_CHAT ROOM: RWBYJNPR_ **

_Mans very hot, owo whats this, why-s, r00by, juan, p-money, thora, Lie Ren_

**R00by**

Ok Yang go on about how much you’re whipped for him

 

I want everyone else to witness this meltdown

 

**OwO what’s this**

To be honest

 

I forgot that this chat existed

 

It’s kind of a train wreck

 

**Juan**

Yea same

 

Also who’s Yang whipped for

 

**Mans very hot**

Im not whipped

 

**R00by**

Yet

**Mans very hot**

Yet.

 

But…

 

I don’t know, everything feels so natural

 

I haven’t laughed so much since the accident…

 

**Juan**

How is yang out there falling in love while she’s locked in her house

 

And im at bars every night

 

Still unable to find a single person who’s interested?

 

**P-money**

Oh this chat! Hello Jaune! And Yang

 

**Why-s**

I know it used to be funny but the level of oblivious that I’m witnessing right now is actually horrible

 

**P-money**

I don’t know what you’re talking about Weiss.

 

Also, Yang, I’m glad you’re finally getting back out there!! Just keep working and you’ll be where you want to be again

 

**Mans very hot**

Thank you, pyrrha

**Thora**

Who is this dude Yang’s talking about again?

 

**OwO whats this**

“Mercury”

 

**Mans very hot**

OH SHIT DADDY

 

HE JUST SENT HOW TO TALK TO SHORT PEOPLE MEMES BYE

 

**Lie Ren**

They aren’t even that funny

 

**P-money**

Wait

 

As in Mercury Black?

 

**R00by**

O shit

 

**Mans very hot**

Idk his last name

 

**P-money**

Silver hair, tall, constantly praising himself for degrading himself in an ironic fashion?

 

**Mans very hot**

Sounds about right

 

wAIT PY R R H A  YOU KNOW HIM?!

 

**P-money**

Yeah we spar together sometimes

 

He goes to the same arena as me

 

**Mans very hot**

He fIGHTS TOO

 

ASDGHJKL

 

**R00by**

We just found yang’s soulmate

 

Basically just a silver, male version of herself

 

 

**Why-s**

Of course her own soulmate is basically her

 

Who didn’t see that coming

 

 

**OwO whats this**

Yang’s been gone for awhile…

 

**Mans not hot**

I just made a grave mistake

 

 

**R00by**

Oh my god

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO HERE'S THE BACKSTORY FOR THE AVOCADO BULLSHIT.  
> SO MY FRIEND SENT THAT ONE HIPPOPOTAMUS MEME IN THE AVOCADO AND TOLD ME HE'D PAY ME 5 BUCKS IF I INCORPORATED IT INTO ONE OF MY FANFICS. LITTLE DID HE KNOW THAT THIS ONE IS A MEME FIC.
> 
> Comments are needed for updates because the drawings take 29180923 years so i need to know people like it lol. I'm a busy boi.
> 
> Stay tuned for chapter 3! Whenever i decide to post it.
> 
> ps. is anyone else super happy that trash kids are getting screen time again like I feel rejuvenated


	3. Violets GAYrden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blake is gay
> 
> really gay.
> 
> And Yang has a heart to heart with Merc.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did all the illustrations in like 3-4 hours so most of them are low quality. Comment please!!  
> Also there's a whole thing about Net Neutrality, and that was going to be like the entire chapter, but I sort of didn't do that. 
> 
> Anyways call your congressperson about it if you use the internet.
> 
> And comment.
> 
> Plz

  **[](https://78.media.tumblr.com/66ba7ca6f69c6a2090e0f9643a3c5935/tumblr_p18qwwJCr51usyz4jo7_1280.png)**

**_Comments:_ **

****

**Sass.trai**

Literally same

 

**Kick.silver**

“HOW WILL I CHECK MY TUMBLR BLOG?!” @sass.trai this morning

 

**Sass.trai**

I can’t even deny it

 

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/2f499c0815bb6e0657b3c403815fa25b/tumblr_p18qwwJCr51usyz4jo8_1280.png)

 

 

* * *

 

**Mercury <12:59 PM>**

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2b3vuBhLWo>

 

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

 

*a lot

**Yang <1:01 PM>**

Oh shit he’s a dickhead

 

I feel like his Reese’s mug is compensating for something tbh

**Mercury <1:01 PM>**

I have all my memes backed up just in case tho

 

**Yang <1:03 PM>**

Good

 

**Yang <3:09 AM>**

Sup

**Mercury <3:12 AM>**

O hey

**Yang <3:12 AM>**

Did I wake u up or something?

 

Sorry

**Mercury <3:13 AM>**

No

 

I’ve been working lol

**Yang <3:13 AM>**

On what

**Mercury <3:14 AM>**

Homework

 

Ive procrastinated this essay for awhile so

 

**Yang <3:14 AM>**

Youch

 

What school/major?

**Mercury <3:15 AM>**

I go to Haven

 

I double major in Robotics and Music Production

**Yang <3:16 AM>**

You go to Haven?

 

I’m at Beacon

 

Well, sort of.

 

I’m on hiatus, but still enrolled

**Mercury <3:17 AM>**

Ah I know some ppl from Beacon

 

It’s a hella xpensive school tho, so im just like

 

Nah son

 

**Yang <3:19 AM>**

U kno Pyrrha Nikos, right?

 

We’re friends lolol

 

Also Beacon isn’t that expensive

 

**Mercury <3:20 AM>**

Ah nikos is pretty cool

 

Sometimes too nice for her own good

 

Also Beacon is hella fuckin expensive for me, with no financial support

 

Haven’s p swag tho, so it’s all good

 

**Yang <3:22 AM>**

Sureeeee

 

**Mercury <3:22 AM>**

Anyhow

 

What are u doing up

 

At least I have an excuse

**Yang <3:23 AM>**

I can’t sleep

 

I want to

 

But I cant

**Mercury <3:24 AM>**

I can get behind that

 

I’ve had plenty instances of unwanted insomnia

 

Shit I sounded rlly pedantic right there

 

Must be bc im in research paper mode

**Yang <3:26 AM>**

Im supposed to do something tomorrow

 

And im not sure if Im ready yet

**Mercury <3:27 AM>**

U need some more vague advice?

**Yang <3:27 AM>**

Yes please

**Mercury <3:28 AM>**

K

 

Whats ur vague situation

**Yang <3:35 AM>**

So something happened to me, about 6 months ago, that like changed everything. And everybody wants me to go back to normal. They think that doing this one thing will make me normal and I know that it wont because im not gonna go back to that me before all of this im just confused

 

If I do this, I feel like it’s taking the easy way out and not facing myself

 

I haven’t gotten over it

 

**Mercury <3:45 AM>**

With my limited information on your situation, using my own personal experiences

 

I think u should just do what u want to do. If this thing will make you happier, than do it

 

Youre never the version of yourself from 6 months ago

 

Hell, ur not even the u from like 4 hours ago

 

You shouldn’t not do something, or do something because of other people. Especially if it’ll only really impact you

 

Don’t get over it

 

Push through it

**Yang <3:52 AM>**

Thanks

 

Really

**Mercury <3:53 AM>**

u want some memes

 

**Yang <3:55 AM>**

Ofc

**Mercury <3:58 AM>**

**[ ](https://i.pinimg.com/236x/75/d5/e1/75d5e1af9725e6e15dacc9753f2daccb.jpg) **

**[](https://i.imgur.com/NDyv6TQ.jpg)**

**[ ](https://i.imgur.com/YtGSvMG.jpg) **

* * *

 

**Unknown Number <10:03 AM>**

Uh

 

Is this Mercury?

**Mercury <10:04 AM>**

Depends on who’s asking

**Unknown Number <10:04 AM>**

It actually doesn’t

 

If I was the president of the United States, asking if you were Mercury, you’d still be him?

 

**Mercury <10:05 AM>  
**ah yes but if you were ISIS or the fuckin mafia

 

I wouldn’t be Mercury

 

I’d be

 

Peter

 

Yup. Peter.

**Unknown Number <10:06 AM>**

K but this is Yang’s friend Blake

 

Not ISIS

 

So

**Mercury <10:07 AM>**

Point taken

 

Ya it’s Mercury

 

How’d you get my #

 

Actually u don’t have to answer that

**Gay for Em <10:08 AM>**

Yeah so I messaged you for two reasons

 

1

 

I wanted to thank you for whatever you said to Yang last night

 

It really helped

 

**Mercury <10:09 AM>**

Ah

 

Well im happy to help

 

Even though im not sure what I helped with lolol

**Gay for Em <10:11 AM>**

She’ll tell you eventually

 

She’s just

**Mercury <10:12 AM>**

Stubborn?

 

I get it

 

It’s really not a big deal

 

Everyone has shit to deal with

 

**Gay for Em <10:14 AM>**

Thank you for understanding

 

She’s been pretty down lately, and ever since she started texting with you, she’s come out of her shell more

 

Anyways

 

2

**Mercury <10:15 AM>**

Contact Shared

Here’s emerald’s number

**Gay for Em <10:16 AM>**

How’d you know

**Mercury <10:18 AM>**

 ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Gay for Em <10:19 AM>**

Did u google that emoticon and then copy and paste it

**Mercury <10:20 AM>**

<read at 10:19 AM>

**Gay for Em <10:20 AM>**

At first I thought you were a pretty cool guy but I guess I was wrong

 

Is she busy right now? Will she think I’m weird?

 

**Mercury <10:21 AM>**

Ok so I’ll just give u some tips for any interactions w Em

 

  1. Don’t do that thing where u ignore her to play hard to get or seem stoic



 

Like she has issues and insecurities like that

 

She’ll 100% prefer clingy to the alternative

 

  1. She’s rlly shy about it but she loves talking about things she likes



 

Even if u don’t care

 

Make an effort

 

She’s a passionate nerd

 

  1. She hates sushi so



**Gay for Em <10:30 AM>**

Thanks

 

You care about her, don’t you?

**Mercury <10:32 AM>**

We’re pretty close, yeah

 

Yang’s friend or not, I will not hesitate to spam ur ass with memes if u even try something

 

**Gay for Em <10:33 AM>**

You say that like meme spamming is particularly threatening

 

**Mercury <10:34 AM>**

You say that not having experienced a MercMemeMarathon™

 

**Gay for Em <10:35 AM>**

I’m going to message her now

 

**Mercury <10:36 AM>**

Good luck

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: RWBYJNPR_ **

_Mans very hot, owo whats this, why-s, r00by, juan, p-money, thora, Lie Ren_

 

**OwO whats this**

So

 

Update on the love of my life

 

Adjaskjdlkasjfjkasncmnsaknlaksxklasj

 

**R00by**

Why are all my friends whipped for people?

 

**Juan**

Pyrrha’s not whipped for anyone!

 

**Why-s**

*chokes*

 

**thora**

don’t worry Weiss

 

I’ve given up too

 

**Lie Ren**

^^

 

**thora**

I am surprised that Yang has yet to speak up on the issue lolol

 

**p-money**

there’s no issue to speak about

 

**thora**

mhmmm

 

**R00by**

Yang’s having her first physical therapy appointment right now

 

She’ll be afk for another hour or two

 

**p-money**

I thought she didn’t want to do it?

 

She was quite adamant

 

**R00by**

Well this morning she changed her mind

 

I guess

 

**OwO whats this**

I wonder why

 

**Juan**

Do u actually wonder why or was that sarcastic

 

**OwO whats this**

What do you think

**Why-s**

You know, as much as Yang talks him up,

 

I’m still not sold on this ‘Mercury’ guy

 

**OwO whats this**

I talked to him a bit earlier

 

I approve

 

For now

 

**R00by**

He’s been making her happy so,

 

For now that's good for me

 

**p-money**

I don’t know how much I should say

 

But I do know that Mercury has a lot in common with Yang

 

Other than their senses of humor

 

He’s immature at times, but he’s gone through a lot of similar things that Yang has

 

Even if neither of them know it

 

**Why-s**

I’d say that Pyrrha vouching for someone wins my favor

 

But pyrrha likes everyone

 

And everyone likes pyrrha

 

**OwO whats this**

I agree but having spoken to him makes me feel better about all of it

 

Plus it’d be hypocritical of me

 

Seeing as I’ve already met my future wife

 

**Thora**

Oh right!!

 

Tell us all about her!!

 

I call picking out the cake!!!

 

**Lie Ren**

You’d eat the cake

 

Before the wedding

 

**Thora**

And?

 

**OwO what’s this**

She’s perfecttttt

 

 

 

**[m/4610f33cccaac368ed8ee346ff154c1b/tumblr_p18qw](https://78.media.tumblr.com/4610f33cccaac368ed8ee346ff154c1b/tumblr_p18qwwJCr51usyz4jo1_1280.png) **

 

 

SHE’S A GAY LITERATURE NERD

 

LIKE

 

**R00by**

Wowza

 

Looks like everyone is finding their soulmates

 

Except for me

 

I’ve already found mine @why-s

 

**Juan**

Smooth

 

**R00by**

I know

 

**Punsexual**

Oh Blake she’s also a Creative Writing major

 

**OwO whats this**

fUCK

 

* * *

 

 [](https://78.media.tumblr.com/1c255cc4ac836734d507a7171b1e0524/tumblr_p18qwwJCr51usyz4jo5_1280.png)

**_Comments:_ **

**Kick.silver**

Eyyyyy @yangalang

 

**Flyinblind**

You had really good blocking this time @PyrrhaN.kos, you’ve definitely been improving a lot. And @kick.silver once again flooring people with capoeira, but you packed a punch this time too. Who thought you had upper body strength

 

**From.Shadows**

@yangalang 

 

###  __  


_**Comments:** _

**Kick.silver**

im not really into reading but this book was p good

 

**sass.trai**

@kick.silver stop lying. You were in tears after reading it

 

**kick.silver**

k

 

**yangalang**

@from.shadows 

 

**From.Shadows**

@yangalang fuck off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO HYPED FOR NEXT NEXT SATURDAY BECAUSE OH FUCKIN BOY SOMETHING "BIG" IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN AND IM LIKE IT'S EITHER BLAKE JOINING UP WITH RWBY OR LIKE THE YANG VS MERC FIGHT OR SOMETHING SO IM GONNA EXPLODE
> 
> in lighter news, Ilia is gay and gets a redemption arc. AKA my predicted route for Emerald. Who knows. 
> 
> Comment for more/faster chapters. 
> 
> Don't comment and a puppy dies
> 
> im a thirsty boi


	4. and it was going so well too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> refer to title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry christmas! The spotify playlists weren't specially curated for Merc and Yang. I literally just took two of my playlists. Rip. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated! Like really appreciated!

 

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/c27cc04df4e1e68f0c45c8f15e956638/tumblr_p1jt88ZrEU1usyz4jo2_1280.png)

 

**_Comments:_ **

****

**From.Shadows**

I agree that it’s been a stressful year but I’m glad we have each other. Merry Christmas

 

**Iammilk**

I for one had an amazing Christmas eve

 

**Yangbang**

@idrinkmilk @iammilk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Iammilk**

Shut up @yangbang

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/15c3a552b737c329a813eb25d3b605e9/tumblr_p1jt88ZrEU1usyz4jo3_1280.png)

 

**_Comments:_ **

****

**Kick.silver**

I’m still pissed we couldn’t get sushi @sass.trai

 

**Sass.trai**

If it’s in the same bag then it’s contaminated @kick.silver

 

**Kick.silver**

Knowing your background makes this all the more confusing @sasstrai

 

**Yang <4:39 PM>**

So you don’t do Christmas?

**Mercury <4:41 PM>**

Nope

 **Yang <4:42  PM>  
**do u do like Kwanza or Hannukah or whatevers?

**Mercury <4:42 PM>**

Nah im just not a holidays person

 

I never celebrated growing up

 

Neither did Cinder or Em so we just eat take out

 

**Yang <4:44 PM>**

That sucks

 

Christmas is like my religion

 

Even if im not even religious

 

Im able to hang out with mah famjam

 

And eat food

 

I love being able to just spend time with my family you know?

**Mercury <4:47 PM>**

Not really

**Yang <4:48 PM>**

Oh

 

 

 

**_Comments:_ **

**Yangbang**

Are y’all even being subtle anymore

 

**Kick.silver**

@yangbang as if

 

**Sass.trai**

I knew you’d like it :) Just wait until you get to the end

 

**From.Shadows**

@sass.trai No Spoilers!!!

 

* * *

 

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Emerald x Blake fanclub_ **

_Mercury, Weiss, Yang_

_< Yang> CHANGED HER NAME TO <Xiao Dong>_

_< Xiao Dong> CHANGED <Weiss>’ NAME TO <Receipts>_

_< Xiao Dong> CHANGED <Mercury>’s NAME TO <Obama>_

**Obama**

Wtf is that name?

**Xiao Dong**

Idk

 

I think it’ll be useful later

**Receipts**

What am I here for?

 

**Obama**

Yeah who is this

 

**Xiao Dong**

Oh right

Mercury, Weiss

 

Weiss, Mercury

 

Also Weissy you’re Blake’s roommate you can get us receipts for the Emerald x Blake shipping thread

 

**Obama**

I mean Emerald’s also my roommate so I can just

 

Do the same thing

 

**Receipts**

Whatever

 

I find it best not to question Yang on such trivial matters

 

**Obama**

She sucks at naming things though

 

**Xiao Dong**

OMG nAMES WE NEED A SHIP NAME

 

**Receipts**

How about SassAdonna

 

**Obama**

No

 

**Xiao Dong**

I want to say yes but I have to think past how golden that ship name is

 

**obama**

Y not just go classic

 

Violet’s Garden

 

Their shared passion, gay literature

 

Plus words that sound like their aesthetics

 

**Receipts**

That isn’t bad actually

 

 

**Xiao Dong**

Thanks Obama

 

Hehe

 

**Obama**

The payoff for that joke was so unfunny and underwhelming that I had to re evaluate my entire, shitty life

**Mercury <3:05 AM>**

[ ](http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/195/012/48a.jpg)

 

throwback to the 2k16 election

**Yang <3:06 AM>**

Don’t throwback to the election

 

I have ptsd

 

**Mercury <3:07 AM>**

[ ](https://ci.memecdn.com/10312971.jpg)

and I have osteoporosis

 

**Yang <3:08 AM>**

Did u just use that meme?

 

Im disappointed

**Mercury <3:09 AM> **

Nice to meet you, disappointed

 

I’m Rick Harrison, and this is my pawn shop

 

**Yang <3:10 AM>**

I had a daddy joke prepared for that since it was set up like that “hi ____ im dad jokes”

 

But you tricked me

 

**Mercury <3:11 AM>**

hA who needs dad jokes if you don’t have a dad

 

**Yang <3:12 AM>**

Are you joking there or…

 

**Mercury <3:13 AM>**

Unfortunately no

 

Or yes

 

Depends

 

Let’s not

 

**Yang <3:13 AM>**

Mk

 

Wanna finish 20 questions?

 

**Mercury <3:15 AM>**

How far’d we get anyways

 

**Yang <3:16 AM>**

Let’s just pretend we did 10 rounds

 

So

 

Now we’re at 11

 

U wanna go first? Or me?

 **Mercury <3:17 AM>  
**ill go

 

Guilty pleasure?

 

**Yang <3:18 AM>**

Tin foil

 

Don’t ask I won’t tell

**Mercury <3:19 AM>**

Lol I don’t have one

 

I’ve lost the ability to feel guilt

 

Or happiness

 

Hahahaha

 

I’m depressed

 

Anyways… your turn

**Yang <3:20 AM>**

Favorite music?

 

**Mercury <3:21 AM> **

Dude I can’t just choose favorite music

 

**Yang <3:21 AM>**

Ya u can just send me ur Spotify playlist duh

 

**Mercury <3:22 AM>**

K

 

[link](https://open.spotify.com/user/fanaticalparadox/playlist/6u6Fzx23UfaCKUWY9ICPEJ)

 

 

**Yang <3:25 AM>**

You’re really edgy

**Mercury <3:26 AM>**

Naturally

 

Wby

**Yang <3:29 AM>**

[link](https://open.spotify.com/user/fanaticalparadox/playlist/7pMNUvFiy5j8FGnlSeSiC6)

I don’t really have much on it but

 

**Mercury <3:36 AM>**

It’s not stuff that I’d have on my list but

 

It’s actually pretty good so

 

My turn

 

You like biking?

 

W like motorcyclesss

**Yang <3:38 AM>**

Sort of

 

I had a pretty bad accident awhile ago, and my bike

 

Bumblebee

 

Sort of got totally wrecked

**Mercury <3:41 AM>**

Ouch

 

I used to have a motorcycle but I didn’t really get into it since I stopped rlly needing it

 

But I get why it’s fun

 

**Yang <3:42 AM>**

It’s more than fun

 

It’s everything to me

 

I mean im in college or whatever but

 

All I want to do is ride

 

It feels so euphoric. The wind in your hair. The adrenaline.

 

The risk

 

It’s perfect

**Mercury <3:45 AM>**

I can see that

 

That’s what music is to me. Just jamming out on my guitar

 

There’s a lot of things that I cant push into words

 

Because im emotionally constipated

 

And it just

 

**Yang <3:50 AM>**

Goes away

**Mercury <3:50 AM>**

Yeah

 

 

* * *

* * *

 

**Yang <11:45 AM>**

Hey bitchhhhhhhhhh

 

**< 11:59 AM>**

bitchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

**< 12:30 AM>**

Mercury?

 

**< 5:09 PM>**

well then

 

* * *

 

 

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom (Professional Version)_ **

_Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here_

**Favorite Daughter**

Hey guys I don’t think we can have our gig tomorrow

 

**Baby**

:(

 

**Mom2**

Wdym

 

**Mom**

Is mercury having another episode?

**Favorite Daughter**

Yeah

**Why is he even here**

Is there any way you can pull him out of this one?

 

**Favorite Daughter**

Doesn’t look like it

 

He’s completely unresponsive

 

Ill update you all though

**Mom**

Please do

 

It always worries me when he gets like this

 

 

**Mom2**

It’s only happened once before when I was around

 

How often does it happen?

 

**Baby**

It used to happen all the time but it’s died down to like every few months

 

If we’re lucky

 

**Mom2**

I hate being reminded about you guys’ old life

 

I had it so much easier

 

**Mom**

Vernal, don’t say that

 

You came from the same place

 

**Mom2**

But

 

**Mom**

Don’t get too focused on that, hon

 

**Why is he even here**

What even triggered it?

**Favorite Daughter**

Just a little thing

 

Like usual

 

He dropped a plate and then bam

 

**Why is he even here**

I’ll let Junior know that we’re probably not going to attend

 

Let me know if he miraculously snaps out of it.

 

**Baby**

^^

**Favorite Daughter**

Will do

 

* * *

 

**Yang <9:00 AM>**

Are you ignoring me or something?

 

It’s too long for you to being swamped with work or whatever.

 

Did I do something wrong?

 

**< 11:57 AM>**

please answer

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_ **

_Punsexual, fetus™, Ice Queen, emo_

 

**Ice Queen**

Hello idiots

 

And Ruby

 

**Fetus™**

HI WEISS

 

**Emo**

I feel so loved

 

**Ice Queen**

You’re welcome

 

**Emo**

nO SERIOUSLY I FEEL SO LOVED  


EMERALD TREATS ME LIKE A FUCKING PRINCESS

 

LIKE NO YOU’rE THE PRINCESS

 

**Fetus™**

Ah young love

 

**Ice Queen**

Ruby you’re 2 years younger than the rest of us

 

 **Punsexual  
** Im glad everyone is so happy

**Emo**

What’s wrong Yang?

 

**Fetus™**

Mercury’s ignoring her

 

**Punsexual**

And I don’t know WHY

 

Like literally last time we chatted it was just memes and making fun of Violet’s Garden

**Emo**

Uh Violet’s Garden is actually an amazing book, Yang

 

Emerald’s favorite

 

**Ice Queen**

No Blake it’s your ship name don’t fret

 

We thought it worked with your color schemes and your mutual love for books

 

**Fetus™**

That’s actually adorable

 

Wait Weiss how did you become a part of the VG club without me?

 

**Ice Queen**

I know people

 

Plus I had receipts

 

**Emo**

Im glad my love life is inspiring such

 

Idiocy

 

**Punsexual**

I just don’t get why he just dropped off the map?

 

Did I do something?

 

I made some sexual jokes

 

Maybe I flirted too hard

 

**Emo**

That is definitely not it

 

If that boy isn’t interested then Im not still listening to MCR

 

**Ice Queen**

And she admits it

 

**Emo**

Shh

 

Anyways, Yang

 

It might not have anything to do with you

 

He could’ve lost or broken his phone

 

Or is really busy with something

 

Or the ringer’s off?

 

I doubt he’d ignore someone without a clear reason, based on my few conversations with him he seems like a pretty chill guy when it comes to that sort of thing

 

**Punsexual**

I know

 

Im just worried

 

And disappointed

 

And angry

 

* * *

**Yang <9:47 PM>  
**Mercury can you please answer

I really need to talk right now

I’ve been alone in my thoughts I can’t

It hurts to breathe all

All im doing is breathing

I keep seeing things from before and I just need someone

please

 **< 11:58 PM>  
**fuck you Mercury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahaha oops I spilled some angst. I know that every chat fic has done something similar but nobody cares because there are like no chatfics for G&G. Or fics in general. So deal with my unoriginal ass. 
> 
> ALSO I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE BLAKE/EMERALD SHIP NAME WAS SO I MADE IT UP. I LIKE THIS SHIP NAME THO SO MAYBE IT'LL STICK?


	5. broccoli broccoli broccoli broccoli

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it gets worse before it gets better. Or it just gets worse. And continues to get worse. And stays worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY NO ART IN THIS CHAPTER BECAUSE I'M ON A SORTA vACATION AND WROTE THIS IN THE CAR SO WHOOPS.

**Blake <10:03 PM>  
**hey em

I hate to ask but

What’s with Mercury?

 **Emerald <10:05 PM>  
**How do you know about that

 **Blake <10:06 PM>  
**He hasn’t been responding to Yang

She thinks it’s her fault

Well she’s also pissed at him

 **Emerald <10:08 PM>  
**He’s not ignoring her persay

It’s not really my place to tell but

Mercury sometimes just

Disconnects

He just retreats into himself. He wont eat or sleep or move.

He’ll snap out of it eventually

 **Blake <10:12 PM>  
**oh

Sorry for intruding

 **Emerald <10:13 PM>  
**no, you deserve to know

Just don’t tell anyone? Not even Yang

 **Blake <10:14 PM>  
**But if she knew, then it’d be easier to

Fix this

 **Emerald <10:15 PM>  
**I know that there are major things Yang has yet to spill too

Merc didn’t grow up well. Hell, neither did i

And sometimes we want to just leave all that behind us.

 **Blake <10:16 PM>  
**oh

 **Emerald <10:17 PM>  
**it’s easier for me to talk about it

Than him

 **Blake <10:18 PM>  
**you don’t have to

I have my fair share of

Experiences

That I still need time to sit on

I won’t ask until you’re ready

 **Emerald <10:19 PM>  
**Bad timing but  
****  
do you wanna go out?

With me

 **Blake <10:20 PM>  
**I thought you’d never ask

* * *

* * *

* * *

****

**_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_ **

_Punsexual, fetus™, Ice Queen, emo_

_< emo> CHANGED HER NAME TO <not single>_

_< fetus™> CHANGED not single’s NAME TO <emo>_

**fetus™**

you’re not escaping it that easily

 

this isn’t a group chat fanfiction

 

you don’t change your name to announce something

 

no

 

**Ice Queen**

If I’m stuck with Ice Queen

You’re emo

 

**Emo**

I thought you’d be more excited

 

I just did the gay and got a girlfriend

**Punsexual**

Lucky you

**Emo**

I talked to Emerald about Mercury, Yang

 

He’ll message you eventually

 

He’s just preoccupied

**Punsexual**

“Preoccupied” is ignoring my memes and puns

 

not ignoring my panic attack

 

you know, since I still have those

**Ice Queen**

Don’t you think you’re being a bit overdramatic?

 

**Punsexual**

Overdramatic?

**Ice Queen**

Well if Blake says he has a legitimate reason

 

He probably does

 

**Fetus™**

I don’t know Mercury but

 

Yang I think you should ask him if and when he messages you back!

 

He’ll probably tell you

 

**Emo**

Not to mention that there are still plenty of things that you haven’t told him

**Punsexual**

At least I TOLD him there was something I wasn’t telling him!

 

**Emo**

Yang I hate to break it to you but you suck at reading in between the lines

 

and when you do, you end up reading the wrong thing

**Punsexual**

:\

**Fetus™**

Actually

 

_< fetus™> CHANGED emo’s NAME TO <not single>_

_< fetus™> CHANGED Punsexual’s NAME TO <emo >_

**Fetus™**

There we go

 

**Ice Queen**

Can you change my name now

 

**Fetus™**

;)

_< fetus™> CHANGED Ice Queen’s NAME TO <Shmookums >_

 

**Shmookums**

I hate you

 

_< Shmookums> CHANGED HER NAME TO <Ice Queen >_

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom (Professional Version)_ **

_Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here_

**Favorite son**

Sup bitch nuggets

**Baby**

Mercury!

 

I was thinking about our relationship throughout your absence and I realized that there are so many things I didn’t tell you in our 5 years of friendship and I just need to let it all out

 

You still owe me 10 dollars from lunch that one time

 

**Favorite son**

I thought it was 15

**Why is he even here**

No that’s me

 

You owe me 15

 

You owe neo 10

**Favorite son**

@mom they’re bullying me

**Mom**

Roman don’t bully Mercury

 

**Why is he even here**

What about neo?!

 

**Mom**

I like neo?

 

**Baby**

Yeaaaa

 

**Mom**

Anyways, Mercury

 

You’re alright, right?

 

**Favorite son**

Im actually a lefty but yeah im fine

 

**Mom**

Good

 

Then that means you’re up for this week’s schedule

 

**Favorite Daughter**

He’s not up for any schedule

 

He has 4 essays and a lab report to finish that he missed

 

**Favorite son**

You know what emerald instead of talking about my sad excuse for a life

 

Why don’t you explain to the class why you’ve been squealing for the past 13 hours

**Favorite Daughter**

I don’t “squeal”

 

**Why is he even here**

Eh

 

Well

 

**Mom2**

^^

 

**Favorite Daughter**

That’s besides the point

 

I’ve got myself a date!!

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/182ba744684dd59d03570ae72c558837/tumblr_inline_p1v50ixpU71ts6807_540.png)

 

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/608e8770a6223b7e4710678b482e7203/tumblr_inline_p1v50nBpnV1ts6807_540.png)

 

also mercury you should probably look over the messages you missed from Yang

 

she doesn’t know about your thing so

**Favorite Son**

Wut

 

Oh fuck

 

Goddamn it

**Baby**

He done fucked up

 

Not really

 

But I wanted to say that

 

**Why is he even here**

Dw neo it was funny

 

**Favorite Son**

Ok im just gonna text her back?

* * *

 

 

**Mercury <3:15 PM>**

Hey

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_ **

_Emo, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single_

**Emo**

Fuck he just texted me what do I do

**Not single**

Text back?

 

**Fetus™**

That seems easy

 

Almost TOO easy!

 

**Ice Queen**

Because it makes the most sense?

 

**Fetus™**

I’ve been working on my deduction skills

 

Trained to be suspicious of everything

 

**Ice Queen**

Hey Ruby did you know that if you say the word "Broccoli" really fast over and over again it sounds like the word “gullible”?

 

**Fetus™**

omG REALLY

 

**Not single**

Yang just have a conversation with him?

 

**Emo**

You expect me to forgive him for no reason?

 

He just dropped of the map for 3 days

 

We’ve been texting for over a month and he’s always answered

 

Always given me advice

 

And then it just stops

**Not single**

Tell him that then

 

God you’re hopeless

 

I’m the one who can’t stay in a stable relationship and for some reason im more competent in this area

 

**Ice Queen**

*couldn’t

 

you and Emerald will work out, Blake, don’t worry

**Emo**

Yeah back to my problems

 

What do I say?

**Not single**

Just tell him why you’re pissed and then ask him to explain why you shouldn’t be?

**Emo**

Aight

 

Hopefully I wont fuck everything up

**Fetus™**

wait

 

**Ice Queen**

I love you Ruby but did you just spend the past 15 minutes repeating the word "broccoli"

 

**Fetus™**

<read at 3:27 PM> :)

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**Yang <3:27 PM>**

Hey

**Mercury <3:27 PM>**

So

 

I guess I should say sorry for going AFK like that

**Yang <3:29 PM>**

Sorry isn’t going to cut it

 

I get that people forget to answer or just ignore dumb conversations if they’re not in the mood

 

But you’ve always answered immediately! You’ve always provided the perfect answers for my incredibly imperfect questions and

 

Then you just rip that safety blanket off of me

 

**Mercury <3:34 PM>**

You know what

 

Nevermind

 

I was going to give you this whole heartfelt fucking essay about how fucking sorry I am that I was unable to help you through this

 

Because I am

 

I’ve been in your shoes more fucking times than I can count but

 

I shouldn’t HAVE to say sorry.

 

I shouldn’t be sorry for something completely out of my control

 

I’m not your fairy fucking godmother I can’t just wave my magic memes and make your problems go away

 

I can’t even make MY OWN problems go away

 

Do you think I like freaking out about random shit and shutting down

 

That I enjoy ignoring friends and school and work

 

Because I fucking don’t

 

**Yang <3:40 PM>**

Mercury

**Mercury <3:41 PM>**

You’re so wrapped up in how sad you are that you can’t see past yourself

 

How about I just speed this shit up, huh?

 

Finish up this fucking game of 20 questions and just stop talking to this random number I accidentally texted?

 

“Hey Mercury why are you such a dick?”

 

“Why did you ignore me that one time?”

 

“How can you just not take anything seriously?”

 

“Why don't you sleep ever?”

 

“Where did all those fucking scars come from? you couldn’t have fallen up a fucking escalator that many times?”

 

Because of my abusive fucking father that's what

 

**Yang <3:51 PM>**

Merc

  
**Mercury <3:51 PM>**

Just take your lemons and fuck off, Yang

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

**_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_ **

_Emo, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single_

**Emo**

Guys I fucked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to be a lot less angsty but then chapter 11 happened and i was like brah I gotta beat that. Or die trying.
> 
> So yeah sorry there's no art I'm a busy boi.
> 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR THOUGH! I had this drafted, intending to post it like yesterday but I didn't, so I couldn't link the chapter to New Years. Next chapter might talk about how shit 2017 was but idk.
> 
> Also BTS performing MIC DROP at NYRE saved 2018 before it began so yay.
> 
> Stay tuned! Maybe i'll make things better? Idk. I feel like y'all thought we'd have an angry Yang. We did, but now Merc's mad. Who knows? Not me i have none of this planned. Violet's Garden (or Cat Burglar, as I've been informed) is now canon. Just because they aren't slow burn, or whatever, doesn't mean they don't have things to work on in their relationship. Both of them have their issues, plus Blake likes sushi so we might have some problems there. 
> 
> STAY TUNED AND PLEASE COMMENT I LOVE HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS SO MUCH IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	6. Pffft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How ironic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was lazy with art but I still did a few. I was supposed to do like 3 more insta posts but FUCK THAT HAHA I'm really tired. Anyways— hope you like the chapter! R&R Please! Your comments are so nice I always cry when I see them.

**[](https://78.media.tumblr.com/a1057416aae1a976fba576159ce3d08a/tumblr_p24ac26duV1usyz4jo3_1280.png)**

**_Comments:_ **

 

**Sass.trai**

Did you expect it not to?  


**Kick.silver**

Not really

 

**Yangbang**

Mercury can you unblock my number please

 

_< Your comment has been deleted>_

* * *

_[](https://78.media.tumblr.com/2434d8a5362f8e6bc9d026911e5bbafa/tumblr_p24ac26duV1usyz4jo2_1280.png)_

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_ **

_Emo, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single_

**Fetus™**

Is nobody gonna talk about how gay Blake is

 

**Not single**

I’m bi

 

**Ice Queen**

Just because you’re bisexual, doesn’t mean that you’re not gay for Emerald

 

**Not single**

True.

**Emo**

Hey

**Not single**

Hey Yang, has Mercury talked to you yet?

 

Or rather; have you talked to him yet?

**Emo**

I’ve TRIED

 

He blocked my number

 

**Ice Queen**

I know that your conversation didn’t go well, but what happened exactly??

 

Maybe if we knew, we could help more?

 

**Emo**

I wish it was that easy, Weiss

 

But what he told me

 

or practically screamed at me

 

was really, really personal

 

god I feel like such a bitch

**not single**

I can talk to Emerald but

 

She’s pretty confidential about her and Mercury’s past

 

**Emo**

Thanks, Blake

 

I’m just so mad at myself!

 

He said these things about me being selfish

**Fetus™**

That’s not true Yang!

**Emo**

But it IS true!

 

i AM selfish

 

For the past few months since the accident, I’ve been neglecting all of you guys!

 

Ruby I practically ignored you— I missed you graduate highschool!

 

Weiss, you had to deal with your dad on your ass

 

And Blake— you were in another horrible relationship

 

And I didn’t do anything. I was just

 

Wrapped up in how sad I am.

 

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom_ **

_Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here_

**Mom  
** So I booked us a few hours at a studio to record some stuff for our album

Y’all better practice

 **Why is he even here  
** *cough cough*

Mercury

 **Favorite Daughter  
** only I’m allowed to call Merc out on his bullshit

*cough*

Mercury

 **Favorite son  
** haha guys

I’m 100x better than all of you so

You should be practicing

 **Baby  
** normal people: *cough* Mercury

Mercury, an intellectual: *cough* everybody else

 **Mom  
** *cough*

 **Baby  
** except for mom

 **Favorite son  
** I feel so happy to be labeled as an intellectual by Neo like

Neo never compliments anybody ever

 **Baby  
** ill do it for the meme

 **Favorite son  
** If I was the mom Neo would be labeled as favorite daughter

 **Mom2  
** @emerald are you gonna take that?

 **Favorite Daughter  
** well if I was the mom ROMAN would be labeled as Favorite son!

 **Favorite son  
** really?

 **Why is he even here  
** REALLY? :D

 **Favorite Daughter  
** actually no

Roman is so irrelevant it’d hurt to make him the favorite son

Yeah merc you’re safe

 **Why is he even here  
** :(

 **Baby  
** :D I win either way!

 **Mom  
** ANYWAYS

We’re meeting up at the studio at 3:00 PM SHARP tomorrow

It’s the same one we went to before

 **Why is he even here  
** why am I even here

 **Baby  
** :)

Speaking of,

 **Favorite Daughter  
** speaking of what

 **Baby  
** idk I just needed to change the subject

To MERCURY AND HIS SAD EXCUSE OF A LOVE LIFE

 **Favorite son  
** what love life

 **Baby  
** exactly

Weren’t you flirting with that Yang chick?

 **Favorite son  
** yeah

Until she made it perfectly clear that she didn’t care about my problems

That she only really messaged me for her own emotional support

 **Mom2  
** maybe she didn’t mean it in that way?

 **Favorite son  
** I spent practically 16 years of my life being emotionally manipulated (among other things) and I’m not even taking a chance with going through that again

No way

If she really wants to prove that she’s not a selfish bitch— she’ll do just that

**Favorite Daughter  
** from what I’ve heard

You’ve blocked her on every outlet

So

 **Favorite son**  
she’ll have to get creative  
  
see you guys tomorrow

 

* * *

 

 **Emerald <7:38 PM>  
**So that date went phenomenally

 **Blake <7:39 PM>  
**thank god you think so too

I’ve had a lot of bad first dates

 **Emerald <7:40 PM>  
**tell me about it

But speaking of romantic fall outs

 **Blake <7:41 PM>  
**Yang and Mercury?

To be honest I was surprised they weren’t dating from the moment they saw each other’s faces

They are practically soulmates

 **Emerald <7:44 PM>  
**no kidding

From what I know about Yang, though, there are some emotional obstacles there

And I won’t even get started on Mercury

 **Blake <7:47 PM>  
**Not to mention Yang (and I assume Mercury?) is incredible stubborn

 **Emerald <7:49 PM>  
**I feel like they’ll need some help

 **Blake <7:50 PM>  
**what an unexpected turn of events ;)

 

****

****

* * *

****

**_CHAT ROOM: Yang and Mercury Support Group_ **

_Emerald, Blake, Ruby, Weiss, Neopolitan, Cinder_

 

 **Emerald  
** so I added everybody that’s been invested in this train wreck

 

**Neopolitan**

You know what’s sad

 

When emerald creates a group chat

 

She never makes fun nicknames

 

**Ruby**

Haha yeah Yang usually does that

 

**Neopolitan**

Mercury too

 

**Weiss**

They deserve each other

 

**Blake**

Anyways not everybody knows each other so I think we should do introductions?

 

I’m Blake, I’m 21 years old, I go to Beacon University and dual major in Literature and Zoology. I’m dating the perfect human that is Emerald Sustrai

 

**Emerald**

And I’m Emerald, 21 years old, I go to Haven, major in Creative writing and I’m dating the beautiful Blake Belladonna

 

**Ruby**

HI IM RUBY AND IM 18 AND IM DATING WEISS

 

**Weiss**

Wow no flattering adjective?

 

**Ruby**

No adjective can fully live up to your name Weiss. Just you existing is perfection

 

**Neopolitan**

Nice save

 

Hi im jared, im 19, and I never fuckin learned how to read

 

jk

 

I’m neo and I’m the bane of Emerald’s existence :)

 

 **Emerald  
** that, you are

 

**Cinder**

My name is Cinder Fall and I’m 24. I’m a part time model, full time mom

 

Of some fucking idiot kids

 

**Neopolitan**

:D

 **Weiss  
** so what is even happening between them anyways

I know that Mercury ignored Yang or something for a few days?

And then Yang was

herself

And now he’s ignoring her again but like purposefully?

 **Neopolitan  
** All I know is that Mercury got back from his

Thing

And Yang was a bitch towards him and now Mercury is

Himself

 **Cinder  
** these are some striking parallels

 **Blake  
** that they are

 **Ruby  
** I wish they could just TALK

 **Weiss  
** well that’s why we are all here

 talking

Oh wait

I’m Weiss and I’m dual majoring in business and vocal technique

 **Cinder  
** ah a fellow singer?

 **Weiss  
** oh right Yang mentioned that you were all in a band right?

 **Neo  
** the best band ever*  
  
**Cinder**  
Salem is our lifeblood, to be honest

 **Ruby**  
it has a cool name!  
  
how’d you come up with it?

 **Cinder  
** the woman who ran the group home we all lived in was named Salem  
  
she encouraged us all to let our anger out through music, rather than in less pleasant ways  
  
She was the mother we all needed, and never had  
  
**Weiss  
** that’s a sweet story  
  
**Neopolitan  
** not to mention her name sounded fucking baller  
  
**Blake**  
Well I’m glad somebody helped you guys  


**Emerald  
** me too

Anyways, right now there’s not much we can do for Yang and merc

Mercury said it himself

He’s completely adverse to emotional manipulation of any sorts

 **Ruby  
** Yang would never do that

 **Emerald  
** you’re right, she probably wouldn’t

But Mercury doesn’t see it that way at all

If Yang really wants to talk to him, she’ll probably need to seek him out

Outside of the screen

 **Ruby  
** in real life?

 **Blake  
** there’s definitely a problem with that

 **Neopolitan  
** Why’s that?

 **Weiss  
** can we tell them?

Should we?  
  
**Ruby  
** I mean it’s for science?

 **Blake  
** About 6 or 7 months ago, Yang got into a really nasty motorcycle accident

She lost an arm

It’s been tough for her since she was always in love with biking— and loved boxing too

She’s been completely dead to everything

At least until she’d started texting Mercury

 **Ruby  
** He doesn’t know about it so he won’t treat her any differently

She can talk with somebody and pretend nothing happened

 **Neopolitan  
** pfft

 **Weiss  
**?

 **Neopolitan  
** oH I'm NOT lAUGHING AT THE SITUATION IT”S HORRIBLE BUT

 **Cinder  
** it seems as if meeting in person would be helpful

 **Emerald  
** Jesus now that I know that this whole situation seems so avoidable

I’m choking  


**Blake  
** how so?

 **Emerald  
** I mean it’s probably fine to talk about since he’s pretty open about it

Cinder?

 **Cinder  
** I mean it is for science

 **Emerald**  
Mercury lost his legs when he was 16  
  
he has prosthetics and shit so he can fight and he’s pretty open/apathetic about it

But for a really long time we had to deal with that exact thing that you’re describing with Yang

Amongst other things

 **Ruby  
** pfft

 **Neopolitan  
** see?

 **Blake  
** well this makes things both more complex but

Infinitely simpler

 **Emerald  
** yeah

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_ **

_Emo, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single_

**Not Single**  
Yang we’ve come to a consensus   
  
you need to talk to Mercury

**Emo**

Yeah no shit

 

I’ve been trying

 **Fetus™  
** no Yang

 

We mean like irl

 

 **Ice Queen  
** as in

 

Find him and talk

**Emo**

But that would ruin everything!

 

He’d know that I’m not this bombshell biker chick

 

That im just

 

Defective

**Fetus™**

One

 

You’re not defective

 

But that’s a whole other convo

 

Two

 

He’d understand where you’re coming from!

 

**Ice Queen**

I’m sure he’d be more willing to listen

 

**Not Single**

You would’ve ended up telling him anyways Yang

 

I know you really want this to work

 

And that he wanted it to work

 

Prove that it’s possible, Yang

 

* * *

 

 

COMMENTS DISABLED

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tomorrow chapter 12 of V5 comes out and i'm not ready...  
> IN OTHER NEWS THAT WASN'T AS ANGSTY AS THE LAST 2!
> 
> Would you guys rather me continue the texting format or dabble into some narration for their meeting?


	7. OH SHIT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby:  
> Anyways I was just goin through my life  
> Happily eating ice cream  
> Watching magical girl anime
> 
> Why is he even here:  
> *hentai
> 
> Baby:  
> I will shove a cactus up your bleached asshole, Roman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter only has one artwork in it because I am a busy boi. I decided to go narrative with their meeting...

**Yang <10:30 AM>**

Hey this is emerald right?

 

I got ur number from Blake

**Whipped for Blake <10:31 AM>**

Yeah, I’m Emerald

 

I assume you’re Yang

**Yang <10:32 AM>**

Yeah

 

I’m sorry for everything with Mercury I

 

I didn’t know

 

I’ve been sort of self absorbed recently

**Whipped for Blake <10:33 AM>**

It’s fine

 

I mean, it isn’t fine but

 

It’s fine

 

Merc is complicated and stubborn

 

I understand that he blocked you— I can’t convince him to undo that

**Yang <10:36 AM>**

No I know that!

 

He won’t listen to me if I keep doing this

 

What im doing

 

I need to meet him but I doubt he’d willingly contact me, let alone talk with me irl

 

**Whipped for Blake <10:38 AM>**

Well usually Mercury is busy with shit all day

**Yang <10:39 AM>**

Really?

 

He always texts me back immediately

 

*texted

 

**Whipped for Blake <10:41 AM>**

Pft

 

Anyways he’s usually at classes in the morning

 

And then he works part time at this robotics lab thing idk

 

And then he camps out in some music room for a few hours

 

And then every other day he’ll work on sparring or whatever the fuck he does

 

AND then he goes home to cram

 

**Yang <10:46 AM>**

Damn

 

That’s one

 

Schedule

**Whipped for Blake <10:48 AM>**

Merc gets bored easily.

 

It’s usually stressful to be so busy but he likes doing things

 

I don’t get it either

 

Anyways the only time you can “slip into his metaphorical dms” is like at 11:59 PM when he gets coffee

 

**Yang <10:50 AM>**

Where? CFVY?

 

He apparently knows Fox so

**Whipped for Blake <10:53 AM>**

No CFVY is a bit out of the way for him so he goes to this other place

 

I think it’s called “Just Rite”?

 

Idk

 

**Yang <10:55 AM>**

HEY

 

I USED TO WORK THERE

Before

**Whipped for Blake <10:57 AM>**

The accident?

 

Don't worry, your friends told me

 

It was the only way I’d help you out with your quest so

 

And you used to work at Just Rite?

 

**Yang <10:59 AM>**

Yeah I broke the coffee machine though

 

So

 

     _(ツ)_/¯

 

 **Whipped for Blake <11:02 AM>  
**did you actually just

you two are fucking perfect for each other jesus fucking christ

Anyways you’re likely to see him barge in at midnight

 **Yang <11:04 AM>  
**thanks Emerald!

 **Whipped for Blake <11:05 AM>  
**Np

 **Yang <10:58 PM>  
**Im at Just Rite

A bit early but

I’m nervous I don’t know if I can talk to him

What if he just pity talks to me?

 **Whipped for Blake <11:00 PM>  
**will you pity talk to him?

Seeing as he dropped *that* bombshell before he blocked you

 **Yang <11:01 PM>  
**no

How could i?

 **Whipped for Blake <11:02 PM>  
**there you go.

You need some tips for interaction?

 **Yang <11:03 PM>  
**yeah

Online I could send him memes if it got awkward but

I can’t send memes with avoiding eye contact and choking on words

 **Whipped for Blake <11:06 PM>  
**Merc’s a very straightforward person

So just

Be straightforward with him

He hates hypocrites

 **Yang <11:10 PM>  
**I noticed

That’s harder than it seems apparently

 **Whipped for Blake <11:11 PM>  
**I can’t give you exact answers

Mercury’s complicated

And so are you

 

****

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom_ **

_Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here_

**Baby  
** I thought I’d seen it all

 **Favorite Daughter  
** oh my god neo I swear

 **Why is he even here  
**?

 **Mom  
** what happened

 **Baby  
** so there I was

Barbecue sauce on my tiddies

 **Mom2  
** fucking stop

 **Baby  
** no

Anyways I was just goin through my life

Happily eating ice cream

Watching magical girl anime

 **Why is he even here  
** *hentai

 **Baby  
** I will shove a cactus up your bleached asshole, Roman

 **Mom2  
** damn neo what died in your cereal

 **Baby  
** EMERALDS NUDZ THAT'S WHAT

 **Favorite Daughter  
** oh MY GOD NEO SHUT UP

 **Favorite Son  
** I heard an embarrassed Em and im here

 **Baby  
** so it’s not a nude exactly but I mean

**Favorite Daughter  
** THAT WAS FOR BLAKE”S EYES ONLY

 **Mom  
** well now it has graced our eyes.

 **Why is he even here  
** Whos taking the pic tho

 **Favorite son  
** uh me? The lighting is obviously too good to be anyone else

 **Favorite Daughter  
** MERCURY YOU PROMISED NOT TO TELL

 **Favorite son  
** I did?

I don’t recall that.

but I do recall

and then

 

**Mom**

Upon further inspection,

I must say, Emerald, your angles are quite stunning

I’ve taught you well

 **Favorite son  
** proud mom

But you know what would make you prouder

If I got you coffee

 **Mom  
** TRUE

I WOULD BE VERY PROUD

MAKE ME PROUD MERCURY

 **Favorite Son  
** yeah im stopping by Just Rite after I’m done with this song

 **Why is he even here  
** ur writing one?

It’s been awhile

 **Favorite Son  
** ive been emo lately

 **Baby  
** ur always emo don't lie

 **Favorite Son  
** Id feel attacked

If it wasn't true

* * *

 

 

 **Whipped for Blake <11:46 PM>  
**you have one chance, Yang.

Don’t fuck it up

 

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Yang and Mercury Support Group_ **

_Emerald, Blake, Ruby, Weiss, Neopolitan, Cinder_

_< Emerald> CHANGED HER NAME TO <It’s>_

_< Emerald> CHANGED <Blake>’s NAME TO <Time>_

_< Emerald > CHANGED <Ruby >’s NAME TO <Y’all>_

**Weiss  
** I’m so happy I didn’t get one

_< Ruby> CHANGED <Weiss>’ NAME TO <!!!!>_

**!!!!  
** I hate everything

 **Y’all  
** Love you too Weiss!!!

Also wuts happening?

 **Time  
** Yeah hon, what’s with the sudden chatfic-esque announcement method?

 **Neopolitan  
** “hon”

How innocent

 **It’s  
** Neo I will tell Mercury where you’ve been keeping your ice cream don’t try me

 **Neopolitan  
**.-.

Anyways wuts happening

 **It’s  
** Yang is at Just Rite rn

 **!!!!  
** Rite now?

Ehhh?

 **Y’all  
** just because Yang isn’t here doesn’t mean you can make awful puns  
  
**!!!!**  
I wanted to work on my sense of humor

 **Y’all  
** stick to being Weiss, okay?

 **!!!!  
** alright

 **Time  
** what does Yang being at that coffee joint have to do with anything?

 **Neopolitan  
** OH SHIT

 **Cinder  
** well if I’m correct, Mercury is fetching me coffee from there

Right now

 **Y’all  
** OH SHIT  
  
**Time**  
Language

 **Y’all  
** just because yangs not here doesn't mean you can be a mom

 **Cinder  
** I am mom so

Language

 **Y’all  
** did I just get adopted?

 **It’s  
** ANYWAYS

This is basically Yang’s last chance

Mercury doesn’t even give second chances so

She can’t fuck up

 **Cinder  
** From what I can tell

He doesn’t want to forgive her

But I feel like he already has

 **Neopolitan  
** I thought it went the other way around

 **Cinder  
** it literally is just as edgy and romantic either way so

 **Neopolitan  
** it’d be 100% in character lol

 **Time  
** Ruby’s being quiet

 **Y’all  
** no im not

 **!!!!  
** we’ve established that this isn’t a chat fanfiction

 **Y’all  
** mhmm  
  
**!!!!**  
then why are you running out of the apartment at

11:50 PM?

 **Y’all  
** im not doing that

Hahaha

 **Time  
** Weiss is right

We shouldn’t spy on them and narrate in chat what they’re both saying

That’s really weird and they’d notice?

Like?

Also I think they need to sort this out on their own

We can push but

 **Y’all  
** I just

I don’t know

 **Neopolitan  
** Don't worry Ruby

I was halfway out the door too

 **It’s  
** we’ll see

Cross your fingers guys

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Yang had been in the coffee shop for over an hour now. Sure, she’d been stressing out since getting there, but that was incomparable to whatever she’d been feeling since Emerald had last texted her. Once she _knew_ Mercury was coming, but didn’t know anything else. It could go any way, really. He could bolt the second he saw her, or worse, agree to hear her out before deciding that he was right to ditch their friendship (or whatever they had) in the first place.

She remembered working in Just Rite. It was a shitty coffee shop, really. Their stuff was cheap and didn’t taste horrible— but the atmosphere was unsettling in comparison to other joints nearby. The lights attached to the ceiling seemed to have lost their lampshades (or whatever should’ve been muting it,) and it hurt to look at the white walls and silver tables. The worst thing was the tables, definitely. She could see herself in them, iterated over and over.

Her face wasn’t doing her any favors, and she felt like the chance at making any good-impression on Mercury appearance-wise was thrown out the window from the onset. She covered her arms up with her brown jacket, so that her arm wouldn’t gross him out, and took an insane amount of time getting her eyebrows just right. She hadn’t done it left handed yet— and it showed.

That was a whole other thing, too.

What would he do about her arm? Would he ask her what happened? Would he outright just be like, “you don’t have an arm”? Would he pretend it didn’t exist? Which one was the worst, Yang didn’t know.

Her phone rested, face up, next to her elbow which was resting on the table— she awkwardly and vigorously tapped the area surrounding the home button in a fit of uncoordinated anxiety before finally turning it on.

No messages.

She turns her gaze to the door and around the room, refusing to make eye contact with the EdgyTeen™ who had been manning the counter.

No Mercury.

Five minutes until midnight.

She taps her fingers aggressively on the table. It’s not made of real metal, so instead of clanging, there’s just an annoying and muted thumping. Rather than looking at her face looking back at her through the reflective surface, Yang keeps her attention on the thumping— and how it prisms out, ice like, across the faux stainless steel.

Four minutes until midnight.

Three minutes until midnight.

Two minutes.

The door opens.

X

* * *

 

X

         Mercury left the studio at exactly 11:35 PM, bracing himself for the freezing air that would greet him the moment he closed the door behind him. The cold always fucked with his joints, so just the thought of staying outside longer than necessary made him cringe. It had been warm out earlier in the day— but he’d luckily been cautious enough to grab his warm ass coat instead of his jean jacket. Thank god.

         He wasn’t cautious enough, however, to pack anything but his fingerless gloves. Because of course his already aching hands would be literally encased in ice.  

The walk from the music building to Just Rite was 15 minutes long without frozen metal comprising almost half your body, so Mercury understood that this was going to be one hell of a trek. He let out a sharp exhale of breath before he set off for coffee, remembering that as he walked home, he’d have the warm brew radiating through his arms, and surviving through that thought.

          It wasn’t like Mercury despised the cold. He used to relish in it, before it became detrimental to his physical stability— and still enjoyed the sting of winter across his cheeks— through his hair. The route he usually took was fortunately a dead area in terms of blistering winds, so the cold ended up being a quiet one.

         Mercury didn’t like to think which, ironically, was something he seemed to do very well.  The 25 or so minutes of silent walking (more like trying-desperately-not-to-limp-or-trip-because-the-cold-is-a-dick-and-he-cant-deal-with-people-staring-at-him) to Just Rite fully made use of this unfortunate skillset.

          He’d managed to not think of his dad or any of that shit when left alone with his thoughts— since he had practice in blocking it out. So, on one hand, he didn’t need to have crippling (ha ha) PTSD zone-outs. But on the other hand, his mind drifted to another topic. Specifically Yang.

         Of course, she had reasons to act as she did. Of course, he should hear her out. Of course he really liked her. But he didn’t care.

         Based on his demeanor and general attitude towards the world around him— you would expect Mercury to drop grudges and conflicts solely to avoid exerting any effort like the nihilist he was. However, that wasn’t the case.

         Having been dealt an awful hand, Mercury still played cards— and he wasn’t going to bet everything on some chick who yeah— he was genuinely interested in, but also represented exactly what he wanted to avoid. No way.

         She brought out this immature, impulsive part of him that he’d always struggled to bury under apathy and memes— and he seriously wasn’t ready to let out years of emotion for this random chick. Even though she wasn’t random. Not anymore.

         He remembered at one point bringing up an actual meeting, which she shot down immediately— even though all of their friends knew each other and they lived no more than 20 minutes away from each other (45, at the rate he was walking now).

         He burrowed his hands further into his jacket’s pockets. He fingered the lint lining the seams as he continued walking— it always helped him if his hands were doing things. It’s why he used to smoke, why he carried those dumb ass fidget cubes around to his classes. He never learned how to deal with the dead moments.

         The only dead moments that he relished in were the nightly trips to Just Rite. Not because he liked the place (it was uncomfortably empty,) or because their coffee was phenomenal. It was just a routine that never changed— something he could cling to in case the rest of the world fell apart. That’s what his psychiatrist said. He liked change, but needed routine.

         This was his routine.

         He almost had a heart attack when he opened the door to a pair of wide, lilac eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... NEXT CHAPTER HAHA sorry. I wanted to get a chapter out this week and like... actual writing is hard
> 
> NO BUT Y'ALL I'M SO HYPED FOR THE FINALE. THIS PAST EPISODE WAS MEAN TO MY VILLAIN KIDS BUT LIKE THE MAIDEN FIGHT MADE UP FOR IT (at least in that episode lol). 
> 
> Anyways. COMMENTS And CRITICISMS ARE LOVED like the reason I update all the time is because of your lovely comments! That's all I need as payment for this shit. 
> 
> Stay tuned for next chapter (I have no clue how it's gonna go)


	8. me irl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Tis the season of Mercury's suffering"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a cliffhanger at the end of this one  
> ;)
> 
> No art but it's all narrative so idc

**_CHAT ROOM: Yang and Mercury Support Group_ **

_It’s, Time, Y’all, !!!!, Neopolitan, Cinder_

**Y’all  
** idc what u guys say im doing this anyways

 

* * *

 

 

         At the sight of Yang, in all of her determined glory, staring at him, wide-eyed from across the coffee shop, Mercury immediately turned around. Or at least, he tried to.

         It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen the arm (or rather, the lack of an arm), like he hadn’t put the pieces together (he wasn’t stupid). He saw it, and something caught in his throat, even as he turned swiftly to leave. His hand was seconds away from grasping the handle and yanking the door open. Yang didn’t move to stop him, her shoulders just sort of drooped in this pitiful disappointment— as if she’d expected this. As if she’d expected him to bolt the second he saw her, and this whole mission of hers was just this last thread of misplaced hope.

         He tried to ignore that _look_ — and that should’ve been easy, in theory, since he wasn’t even looking at her. But he could feel the complete helplessness from the blonde, and decided to throw her a bone.

         “ _Oh—_ If only someone were to stop me from leaving right now. That would be really unfortunate, wouldn’t it?” He practically shouted, sardonic tone completely disobeyed by his hand, now gripping the door’s handle with anxiety. His thumb dug into the stainless steel, rubbing semicircles in anticipation of Yang’s response. “That would just be so...”

         Yang took the cue, and practically sprinted over to him, left hand locking around his wrist, pulling him to face her.

“…Awful,” he finished, looking directly at her. From what Yang could gather, he wasn’t happy to see her— he looked rather distraught, really. But at least he didn’t leave.

“Yeah,” she exhaled, moving to run her hand through her hair nervously— forgetting that one hand was gripping around his, and that the other didn’t exist.

Mercury sighed, twisting his wrist away from her and taking a step back. “What do you want?”

“To talk.”

         She was nervous. More than nervous, really— but that wouldn’t stop her from having this. She hadn’t wanted something so bad (other than her arm back, of course) since the accident, and at this point, she was tired of being so sad all the time. Mercury motioned to the rest of the room, awaiting whatever she had to say.

         Yang strode over to the table she’d been at before. While Mercury cocked an eyebrow at the second coffee across from hers, and she blushed. “Emerald told me your favorite… I just thought it’d help to have some.”

         Mercury nodded, sitting down and wrapping his hands around the cup as if they were made for it. “Thank you.”

         He seemed genuine, and that made Yang a lot happier than it should’ve.

“So,” he started, shifting awkwardly in the metal chair. He’d never actually stayed in the shop long enough to sit in the chairs (he wasn’t missing out on much). “Talk.”

“Right.” She struggled to keep her legs from bouncing, to keep her hand from hitting something. “I wanted to…”

         Mercury prepared to refute her entire apology— unwilling to lose control of the conversation. He knew how these things worked— it happened with his dad, with every single one of Emerald’s awful relationships. Yang would say sorry. It would never happen again, only to slip away from that promise in favor of convenience.

“I wanted to thank you.”

Well, _that_ he wasn’t expecting. “Thank me?” he repeated, voice wavering with curiosity.

“Yeah,” she gulped, “thank you.”

It took a few seconds for Yang to speak again, as she took a deep breath— inhaling the steam emitted from her coffee and letting it fill her stomach with confidence. “You said I was selfish.”

Mercury narrowed his eyes in question, fingers shifting around his warm drink in fear of getting too comfortable. “You’re welcome? I guess?” He had no idea where she was going with this whole thing— might as well watch it play out.

“I didn’t see that before. I—“ the words exited her throat uneven and choppy. “I guess you know about the accident now.”

He didn’t say anything, prompting her to continue.

“You were right. Everything happened and I couldn’t even care about my friends. About anything other than my arm not… not being there. I just— it was so much and I ran. Not physically, but I did.” She placed her cup back in front of her. “You were the first person to call me out on that. So; thank you.”

Mercury sighed, rubbing his hand down his face, lingering milliseconds longer on his escalator  scar. “So 6 months, huh?”

“What?”

“Your arm.”

“Oh— right. Yeah, 6 months.”

He nodded a few times, as if he was reassuring himself, rather than her. “Okay.”

“Okay? That’s all you have to say? You have no clue how hard it was to—“

“Yang,” Mercury interrupted, exasperatedly, “okay is not a bad thing, I’m just really bad with words.”

She looked at him curiously.

“How do I say this—“ he muttered, rubbing the back of his head until he found the light switch— his eyes brightened with an idea before he took a breath. “What was the first question I asked you?”

Yang’s face wrinkled with a slight confusion before quickly softening under realization. “Like from 20 questions?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t remember.”

“You can.”

She thought for a second before slowly narrating the question to him, looking for signs of approval as she got through the sentence. “How many… toes? Do you have?”

“Zero.” He held up an ‘o’ shaped hand to emphasize the number. And then his leg for good measure, smoothing his pants tightly over his calf to show the silhouette of not-a-real-leg.

For a second, she thought she needed to clean her glasses. And then she realized that she’d never had glasses in her life and that she was a moron. He put his leg down and took another sip of coffee, eyes observing hers in anticipation of her reaction.

It took her a bit to figure out what that reaction would be. Because he understood _her_. He understood _everything_.

So for the first time in a while, Yang laughed. And Mercury laughed with her, happy that she didn’t press further. She couldn’t— knowing that he would probably shut her out again. Knowing what it was like. It was a wonderful feeling— that he never wanted to go away, but it did. It did, in a refreshing way, like he had just brushed his teeth or jumped into a freezing lake. They sat without reservations and without spite.

Yang coughed, “I guess we’re a cripple threat?”

“I want to say that it’s too soon but…” He shrugged, “that was not bad.”

Mercury’s head snapped at a stifled groan from outside the shop, and Yang followed suit to see Ruby, a disgruntled Weiss, and some other girl she didn’t know watching from the window. The other girl, who was dreadfully short, held her phone up as if taking pictures, giggling manically.

“Seriously?!” Yang shouted, almost standing up to go and fight them.

Mercury hesitated before speaking up and doing something he’d regret, “I mean, they came _all this way_ to spy on us.”

“What?”

“Why not give them something to watch?”

“I rest my case: _what?”_

That’s when Mercury went against every instinct he had and pulled Yang towards him, mouth locking with hers. Even though he caught her off guard, she didn’t hesitate to return the favor.

They broke apart to see three dumbfounded faces. Yang smirked and Mercury sat back down before shouting at the trio. “Are you happy now?”

_Yes_

The shortest girl, who Yang assumed was a friend of Mercury’s, nodded enthusiastically.

“Ok then.” He rolled his eyes, turning away from their horrible friends.

* * *

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Yang and Mercury Support Group_ **

_It’s, Time, Y’all, !!!!, Neopolitan, Cinder_

**Y’all  
** just wanted to inform all of you that it was 100% worth it

 **!!!!  
** it was

quite cute

 **It’s  
** really guys

 **Neopolitan  
** I have a whole highlight reel of moments

 **Cinder  
** you can’t say that and not send it

 **Neopolitan  
** dw im making an AMV for it

 **Time  
** jfc

 

* * *

 

The three had left shortly after, either because of Yang’s glare, or how damn cold it was outside. That left Mercury to deal with the repercussions of his actions by awkwardly avoiding the topic and drinking his coffee while Yang waited. Because she was ok with that now.

“So,” she started, cracking her knuckles against the table, “don’t you have something to do? Em said your schedule was… Well.” She pantomimed a long list and gave a skeptical expression to emphasize her point.

“eh, Cinder’s happiness can wait,” he shrugged, gulping down his coffee and reaching down below his chair for something that didn’t exist. “Fuck.”

“What?”

“I left my guitar back at the studio.”

“You go there every day right? You can get it tomorrow night.”

Mercury shook his head stubbornly, “that’s where you’re wrong. I can’t leave it there.”

He started to get up, and she followed, not having much else to do. “Why not?”

There wasn’t a response until he had opened the door, recoiling under the wall of freezing air that overtook them. “Because I can’t. It’s… a thing?”

She nodded, before asking “what’s a ‘thing’?”

“Something I can’t explain. I just have certain _things._ I don’t know. Doesn’t everybody?”

“Yeah.”

They walked, as if they’d known each other past the screen for years— but their hands still refrained from meeting, craving the spark, but scared of the fire.

A fire would’ve been nice right now, in Mercury’s opinion.

He led the way, but she still managed to walk in front of him. Not surprising, considering his stupid-ass frozen legs, but that was beside the point. And she was beside him. He still couldn’t believe that his evening (or morning) had taken such a 180.

They didn’t speak, and didn’t need to, until they got to the studio. It went by a lot faster than his walk to Just Rite, and he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. After swiping his ID over the lock, he practically dashed into the heated building. Yang tried to stifle her chuckle, but failed and ended up laughing her ass off.

“What’re you laughing for?” he pouted, eyebrows furrowing almost… cutely? No. Impossible.

“You’re so desperate for heat— I thought you were ‘Mr.Cool’?”

“I don’t recall ever calling myself Mr.Cool— do you perchance think I’m _cool?”_ He mocked, before shrugging off his coat quickly and walking over to the elevator, motioning her to follow. “Plus my legs aren’t suited for the cold.”

“Oh.”

“Yep— ‘tis the season of Mercury’s suffering.”

“Isn’t that every season?”

“I’m glad I inspire such mockery.”

The elevator door finally opened, and they stepped in. Yang stretched into a yawn as Mercury selected the floor they’d be traveling to. For some reason, they stood on opposite sides of the metal box. Mercury hummed along with the elevator music, knowing every beat by heart— and Yang looked at her reflection in the wall.

An iconic ding signaled the opening of elevator doors, and they shuffled out into a wide hallway, only stopping when they reached the 3rd door to the left.

“So this is the studio? I expected more edge from you, Mercury.” The room looked just like all the other practice rooms out there, save for the spray-paint-clad guitar case and the instrument resting against it.

“It isn’t my studio. I rent it out to practice late at night.” He moves to put the guitar away, gently caressing the matte finish. There wasn’t a single scratch on it, and he seemed to be checking for them anyways— Yang finally understood what ‘ _things’_ meant. “Emerald doesn’t like losing sleep over my glorious jams.”

“You can’t be that good.”

“Wanna try me?”

She sat down on the floor, waiting for him to play. “Yeah.”

He sighed, flinging the guitar’s strap over his shoulder with a practiced comfort and ease— slicking his silver shock of hair out of his eyes before strumming some chords, tuning it slightly as he went. “I won’t plug it in because the building is technically closed right now.”

Yang hummed, closing her eyes in anticipation.

“This song reminded me of you,” he warned. As if she needed warning. “And me. It’s stupid.”

_Hero to zero_

It was so much, before, when she pulled them into the coffee shop conversation.

_I pick up the bill_

She didn’t remember that it was the first time they met, for real.

_The brake lights cast a red light_

She couldn’t really take it all in at the time. All of him.

_And the road twists ‘round the hill_

Like the way his eyes seemed to be both the night sky and the forgotten ink on all the crumpled up rough drafts in life.

_Lipstick on the backseat_

Or how his habitually bitten lips fit under her teeth so perfectly.

_Saliva on the dash_

How his voice sounded like coffee and felt like leather.

_I’ve clawed my way out of here before_

She knew he wasn’t perfect. There were still so many things she hadn’t asked. 20 questions wasn’t really enough to uncover everything.

_But I keep on coming back_

She looked at his fingers, at home along the strings. Drawn to his voice. It wasn’t phenomenal singing, but there was _something_ there that she couldn't explain with words.

If Mercury had taught her anything— she didn’t need words.

_I push and you tend to shove_

He stopped playing when he met her eyes, and even though he was pretty unreadable, she knew exactly what he was thinking.

_I give in and you don’t give up_

She didn’t see him lift the strap over his head, or put the guitar down, but he did within seconds.

_I’m not getting out of here this time_

She didn’t understand why they were so afraid of a fire— because now, as they touched, and it all engulfed them— there was nothing she craved more.

_I brought a lemon to a knife fight_

She didn’t know who kissed first, maybe it was both of them.

_I kick and you like to punch_

Whoever kissed didn’t matter, because it was Yang who shoved him into the wall. She didn’t even miss her arm. It felt like she never had it in the first place. Like she never needed it.

_I’m unhinged and you’re undone_

She didn’t forget about what he said, before he blocked her. About his dad. And she didn’t forget about the fact that she was always on the verge of falling off this cliff she’d built for herself

_I’m not getting out of here alive_

But she was fine with it.

_I brought a lemon to a knife fight._

She was fine with a cliffhanger.

        

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BITCH I PLAYED YOUR ASS BECAUSE I LITERALLY ENDED IT WITH "a cliffhanger" HAHAHAHAHAHA sorry  
> ANYWAYs the song used at the end was what inspired me to write this so fast haha— Thank you  
> TruthInYourLies99 for the song reach because IT IS LITERALLY THE ENTIRE FIC YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND.(It's called "Lemon to a Knife Fight" by the Wombats) (listen to it)  
> I know things went really fast with them— but I really wanted to write this so  
> yeah!  
> DON't worry we have plenty of this fic left to go.  
> I have some more ACTUAL cliffhangers to make y'all suffer with.  
> The RWBY finale was pretty bomb— i even wrote a fic for it if you want to check it out.  
> so  
> It's so funny how far this fic has come— I literally wrote it to promote my narrative fics, and i've fallen so in love with writing it.  
> I have 2 or 3 arcs to get through in this fic so don't think it's even close to being over.  
> COMMENTS ARE LOVE  
> (this chapter is super short and not the best but i wanted to get it out soon because I have lots of work this week so)


	9. If you haven't seen the Star Wars Prequels, then this chapter will be rough for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mercury <11:34 PM>  
> hey Yang
> 
> Let us do the flirting
> 
> Yang <11:34 PM>  
> ah yes “the flirting”
> 
> Let us flirt
> 
> Mercury <11:36 PM>  
> I don’t like sand
> 
> Yang <11:37 PM>  
> honestly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I hadn't ever watched a Star Wars movie and my friend decided to binge them with me.... starting with the prequels. So it sort of inspired all this bullshit.
> 
> THIS CHAPTER IS TOO MUCH FLUFF TBH I NEED TO ADD SOME MORE DRAMA SOON 
> 
> comments are love :))))))

 

 **Yang <12:30 PM>  
**so yesterday was a thing

Thank you for

idk

listening or whatever

 **Mercury <12:31 PM>  
**thank you for giving me something to listen to

Now what’s the REAL reason u texted me

Because I kno it’s memes

 **Yang <12:34 PM>  
**no comment

(((yes)))

 **Mercury <12:34 PM>  
**do you want me to peruse only certain genres of memes

Or can I do some multimemeing

 **Yang <12:36 PM>  
**I grant you full creative license

lol

 **Mercury <12:37 PM>  
**jsyk 

You asked for this

 **Yang <12:37 PM>  
**did I fuckin stutter

 

**Mercury <12:39 PM>**

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and now for the big guns

 **Yang <12:41 PM>**  
oh man

 

**Mercury <12:43 PM>**

 

 

 

**  
**

**Yang <12:45 PM>  
**WAIT

DON'T SEND PREQUEL MEMES

I”VE NEVER SEEN THE PREQUELS

 **Mercury <12:46 PM>  
**uh Yang

I know that we had a heartfelt conversation yesterday but

I think it’s time for me to get angry and block you from everything

THE PREQUELS ARE MY FUCKING PRESIDENT YOU

Do NOT UNDERSTAND

 **Yang <12:49 PM>  
**everyone said they were trash so I just didn’t

 **Mercury <12:50 PM>  
**well they are trash

But that’s besides the point

There’s whole subreddits for this shit

Prequel memes

Are the only memes

 **Yang <12:52 PM>  
** _(ツ)_/¯

What can I say

 **Mercury** **< 12:53 PM>  
**nothing

You disgust me

 

* * *

 

**Mercury <12:57 PM>  
**ok so in the hypothetical situation

That you really wanted to ask someone out

But you’re already technically dating

Or something

What would you do

 **Eminem <12:59 PM>  
**Jesus Christ mercury

I thought you two were situated?

Can you not even confirm that you are in fact, soulmates

 what are you, a child?

 **Mercury <1:01 PM>  
**Did you mean: socially incompetent from years of abuse and isolation

Because yes

 **Eminem <1:01 PM>  
**I fucking hate when you joke about those things

 **Mercury <1:04 PM>  
**what else are they good for

Anyways back to my question

Wtf do I do about Yang

 **Eminem <1:05 PM>  
**wasn’t this a hypothetical?

 **Mercury <1:05 PM>  
**yes

 **Eminem <1:06 PM>  
**you should just casually broach the subject

Which you’re good at

And then see where it goes

You KNOW she likes you

You two literally just passionately made out

 **Mercury <1:10 PM>  
***theoretically

 **Eminem <1:10 PM>  
**theoretically

 **Mercury <1:11 PM>  
**k thx

 **Eminem <1:12 PM>  
**you’re so hopeless

Sorry

THEORETICALLY hopeless

 **Mercury <1:12 PM>  
**there you go

 

* * *

 

 

 **Mercury <1:15 PM>  
**so

Seeing as you haven’t seen

The greatest 3 movies in cinematic history

 **Yang <1:17 PM>  
**I feel like this is debatable

 **Mercury <1:17 PM>  
**the 3 undebatablely greatest movies in cinematic history*

I think it’s only fair that I indoctrinate you into the world of prequel memes

 **Yang <1:19 PM>  
**how

 **Mercury <1:19 PM>  
**you’re coming over and we are binging those bitches

* * *

 

**  
_CHAT ROOM: SAUSAGE PARTY?!!?_**

_Emo, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single_

_< emo> changed her name to <AAAAAAA>_

**AAAAAAA  
** MERCURY JUST ASKED ME OUT I THINK WHAT DO I DO

 **Not single  
** you’re not already dating?

What was the point of the highlight reel then

 **Ice Queen  
** Ruby hasn’t watched the reel yet Blake, make sure you don’t spoil

 **Not single  
** I thought she WAS LITERALLY THERE WHEN NEO FILMED IT

 **Ice queen  
** yeah

Who knows

I think Neo added some sappy music and flashy transitions/filters though

 **AAAAAAAA  
** guys

You have a chat for talking about my love life

Why don’t we let THIS chat be HELPING ME WITH MY LOVE LIFE

 **Ice Queen  
** dw Ruby is on her way

 **AAAAAAAA  
** RUBY WHAT DID YOU DO

 **Fetus™  
** I fixed your love life

 **AAAAAAAA  
** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You hECKING STOLE MY PHONe

AND YOU JUST

ADKJLkSJALK

Actually nevermind thank you ruby

 

 **fetus™  
** I am a romantic genius :)

 **Ice Queen  
** debatable

 **Fetus™  
** undebatabley a romantic genius*

 **Not single  
** UNDEBATABLEY IS NOT A WORD

YOU UNEDUCATED

PLEBIANS

Ahem

Get a fucking education

 

* * *

 

 

 

 **Mercury <3:36 PM>  
**so what time do you want to head over

You need like

An address

I assume

Also if we want to get through all three of these babies

We gonna need to start soon

Damn I sound really needy

 **Yang <3:43 PM>  
**ah right

Well im always available

Since I just mope in my room all day

So whatever works for you

 **Mercury <3:46 PM>  
**how about 4:30?

I live in the brick apartment building by the movie theatre

The one that looks artsy and full of drug dealers

Room 413

 **Yang <3:48 PM>  
**yeah 4:30 sounds good!

I’ll bring chips

I can’t believe that our first official date is watching the star wars prequels

 **Mercury <3:51 PM>  
**ikr

Yeah

Cool

 

* * *

 

 

 **Mercury <3:52 PM>  
**so things are going pretty well

Hypothetically

 **Eminem <3:53 PM>  
**do you want me out of the apartment?

 **Mercury <3:54 PM>  
**haa no

I don’t think she’d be comfortable fucking with the whole arm thing yet

Understandable

But tbh I think that you’d want to leave

 **Eminem <3:56 PM>  
**wdym

 **Mercury <3:57 PM>  
**we are binging the star wars prequels

 **Eminem <3:58 PM>  
**I

Fucking

Hate

You

Why do you always insist those movies aren’t garbage

 **Mercury <4:02 PM>  
**well they ARE garbage

But it holds this charm

The memes are gOLD

 **Eminem <4:04 PM>  
**k ill leave jesus

X

X

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/84cc482bce6b92c3e2f92de334d47421/tumblr_p3ao5qNHb61usyz4jo8_1280.png)

 

**x**

**x**

**Mercury <11:30 PM>  
**soooooo?

 **Yang <11:30 PM>  
**the movies were

Garbage

But

I LOVE ME SOME gARBAGE MMMM DADDY

 **Mercury <11:34 PM>  
**hey Yang

Let us do the flirting

 **Yang <11:34 PM>  
**ah yes “the flirting”

Let us flirt

 **Mercury <11:36 PM>  
**I don’t like sand

 **Yang <11:37 PM>  
**honestly

 **Mercury <11:38 PM>  
**lol

 

****  
  


**Yang <11:39 PM>  
**I choked

My mental state is no more

 **Mercury <11:40 PM>  
**not just your mental state, Yang

But your womental state and your childrental state too

I slaughtered them like animals ****  
  


**Yang <11:43 PM>  
**MERCURY NO

 **Mercury <11:44 PM>  
**uh Mercury yes?

**Yang <11:45 PM>  
**anyways i

Just wanted to say that I had a good time tonight and

Wouldn’t mind doing it again

 **Mercury <11:46 PM>  
**..

Same

 **Yang <11:47 PM>  
**cool!

 **Mercury <11:48 PM>  
**cool

 

X

X

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/7fce01bc7a5ca4b9d16d77311b6bc8c0/tumblr_p3aob9qKVz1usyz4jo1_1280.png)

 

 **Yangbang  
** rip I cant dab without my right arm

 **Kick.silver  
** @yangbang dabbing is an art, and art can be minimalist

 **Sasstrai  
** I can’t take you two seriously,,,, like ever

 **Itwasme.neo  
** HEY Y’ALL DM ME FOR THE HIGHLIGHT REEL

 **Kick.silver  
** @itwasme.neo WHAT FUCKIN HIGHLIGHT REEL

Xx

**_CHAT ROOM: Yang and Mercury Support Group_ **

_It’s, Time, Y’all, !!!!, Neopolitan, Cinder_

**It’s  
** is this group even necessary anymore

 **Time  
** no

Well

 **!!!!  
** with the way those two are

it probably will be again

 **Neopolitan  
** wow what foreshadowing

 **Cinder  
** look at you neo, using big girl words

I’m proud

 **Y’all  
** damn u rite she is a mom

 **Cinder  
** and you’re all children

 **Neopolitan  
** id argue but

I is a children

 **Y’all  
** yup

Here’s to hoping that they wont have any more issues

 **Neopolitan  
** eh I wouldn’t have TOO much hope

Mercury has every issue

 **!!!!  
** literally same

when Ruby found out about my “daddy issues” she was so insistent that I call her daddy because she didn’t know it was a kink

she just thought it was a legitimately helpful coping mechanism

 **Cinder  
** oh boy

Mercury also has “daddy issues”

And kinks

But definitely not in the same sphere

 **Neopolitan  
** rip it’s sad because I can’t get him onto the daddy meme train

Im all alone

“this is the polar express”

or the daddy express

sigh

 **Time  
** emerald your friends are

Weird

 **Y’all  
** excuse me but RWBY is the weirdest

(Ruby, Weiss, Blake, Yang)

 **Neopolitan  
** (ya we got that)

 **It’s  
** I was going to suggest “moronic” but

That works too

 **Cinder  
** aHEM

 **It’s  
** except for Cinder

My sweet mother

My doting mother

My sexy mother

 **Cinder  
** thank you Emerald

 **Y’all  
** actually I lied

we need to step up our game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah if you haven't seen the prequels, and want some good memes... go
> 
> Rip RWBY chibi was really cute ngl
> 
> Anyhow comments keep me fed— as usual. And next chapter is either gonna ruin you or make you happy. Depends on how I want to pace this. 
> 
> ALSO I have an idea for a Neo "pairing" that i've been sort of setting up but I don't know if I should do it because it's a weird ship but I've been reading previous chapters and it feels cool idk. Anyways whatever
> 
> So that was the calm before the storm... :))))  
> -Adox


	10. $110 can’t buy me happiness but I’ll take what I can get

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changed s name to 
> 
> Irrelevant  
> are you fucking kidding me
> 
> Weeb trash  
> did somebody say something just now?
> 
> Best butch babe  
> idk man
> 
> Irrelevant  
> why do I call you guys friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE UPDATE!! I just pumped this out real quick rip.   
> The nugget thing is from the gng discord server so... yeah join that.  
> Comments are love!!!

**Mercury <10:09 AM>  
**rip everybody has a cripplethreat chat

Without us

 **Yang <10:10 PM>  
**if we aren’t in it, it’s not that rad anyways

 **Mercury <10:11 PM>  
**bitch u rite

babe

We should make a chat with ALL of our friends in it

And let chaos ensue

 **Yang <10:12 PM>  
**omg yes

All my friends will end up hating me but

Uh no one cares

 **Mercury <10:13 PM>  
**lets name each others friends based on what the other has talked about

 **Yang <10:14 PM>  
**omg yessss

xx

**_CHAT ROOM: just because_ **

_Mercury, Yang, Ruby, Emerald, Weiss, Blake, Neopolitan, Roman, Cinder, Vernal_

_< Yang> changed <Mercury>s name to <legg>_

_< legg> changed <Yang>s name to <Anakin>_

**Anakin  
** eyyy

_< Anakin> changed <Emerald>s name to <rap god>_

**Legg  
** eyyyy

_< legg> changed <Blake>s name to <rawr XD>_

_< Anakin> changed <Neopolitan>s name to <weeb trash>_

_< legg> changed <Weiss>’ name to <useless lesbian>_

**Useless lesbian  
** finally a name that fits

_< Anakin> changed <Cinder>s name to <Mom>_

_< legg> changed <Ruby>s name to <the younger and better sister>_

**anakin  
** bitch wut

_< legg> changed <anakin>s name to <the betterer sister>_

**The betterer sister  
** perfect

_< the betterer sister> changed <Vernal>s name to <best butch babe >_

**Mom  
** yup

 **Best butch babe  
** really?

 **Mom  
** just look at this

**Useless lesbian  
** Ruby and I are open to polyamory

 **The younger and better sister  
** yes

I second that

 **The betterer sister  
** its not even a joke tho

 **Best Butch Babe  
** good to know

_< the betterer sister> changed <Roman>s name to <irrelevant>_

**Irrelevant  
** are you fucking kidding me

 **Weeb trash  
** did somebody say something just now?

 **Best butch babe  
** idk man

 **Irrelevant  
** why do I call you guys friends

 **Legg  
** good job babe this is already a mess

 **The betterer sister  
** you’re welcome

 **The younger and better sister  
** oMG BABE

 **Weeb trash  
** b a b e

 **Useless Lesbian  
** do you two have anything better to do

 **Legg  
** not really

 **The younger and better sister  
** not really

 **Best butch babe  
** wait which two was she asking

 **Rawr XD  
** we will never know

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

      

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/12270e96348af322e701e689cdaf9d03/tumblr_p3cp0oER6s1usyz4jo2_1280.png)

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/62cf89f7cddbe070685c6b6ddf19bfad/tumblr_p3cp0oER6s1usyz4jo3_1280.png)

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/8b215e824df970bbe1526cc37db913e1/tumblr_p3cp0oER6s1usyz4jo4_1280.png)

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 **Eminem <1:32 AM>  
**did you just order $110 of chicken nuggets

At 1 AM

 **Mercury <1:33 AM>  
**what kind of person would I be if I DIDN'T

 **Eminem <1:34 AM>  
**a normal one, Mercury

A normal person

 **Mercury <1:34 AM>  
**nahhhhhhhhhhh

 **Eminem <1:35 AM>  
**m e r c u r y

 **Mercury <1:36 AM>  
**nAHHHHHHHHHHH

 **Eminem <1:39 AM>  
**w h y

Where did you even get the money

 **Mercury <1:40 AM>  
**nobody knows

Im basically Tommy Wisseu

Except not as perfect

Nobody is as perfect as Tommy Wisseu

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**_Comments:_ **

**Kick.silver  
** in case anyone was wondering, I wrote that pun

 **Sass.trai  
** @kick.silver nobody was wondering

 **Yangbang  
** dw @kick.silver Im proud of u

 **Itwasme.neo  
** b a b e

 **Fallmaiden  
** Mercury why aren’t you taking credit for writing the pun and not like ¾ of the album @kick.silver

 **Yangbang  
** @kick.silver OMG YOU WRITE THE SONGS I HAVE TO HEAR THEM NOW

 **Kick.silver  
** @fallmaiden why do you do this

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

 **Shitty fucking Professor <7:48 PM>  
**Mercury Black I hope you understand how abhorrent you are

Check your god forsaken email or I’ll fire you

 **Mercury fucking Black <7:49 PM>  
**firstly, I could make more money at mcdonalds than developing robots with you

Secondly, I always check my email dude what

 **Shitty fucking Professor <7:51 PM>  
**that’s funny, because I sent you about 20 important files 2 days ago

And you have yet to sort through them

 **Mercury fucking Black <7:52 PM>  
**ill check my spam jesus

You’re such a dick, Watts

 **Shitty fucking Professor <7:53 PM>  
**I miss the days when you were too busy getting over your daddy issues to be an annoying child

 **Mercury fucking Black <7:54 PM>  
**I miss living with my dad whenever Im in the same room as you

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 **Arthur Watts <7:55 PM>  
**your kid is such an annoying little shit

 **Salem <7:55 PM>  
**he gets it from you, Arthur

 **Arthur Watts <7:56 PM>  
**I refuse

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 **Mercury <7:57 PM>  
**dude so I have like 234989032 spam emails

The firewalls are too strong

 **Yang <7:58 PM>  
**When you have to fire someone for doing their job

 **Mercury <7:58 PM>  
**literally me

Ugh I have to go through like 9380923 files from Watts I wanna kms

 **Yang <7:59 PM>  
**poor bby

You can do it over here, or I can come over.

I can make it less unbearable

 **Mercury <8:00 PM>  
**haha no I think you’d be a distraction

 **Yang <8:00 PM>  
**;)))))

 **Mercury <8:01 PM>  
**pft I got a bunch of those spam emails asking for money from like Uganda or whatever

And pretend to be the president or something

 **Yang <8:02 PM>  
**do you know da wae

 **Mercury <8:03 PM>  
**if you reference another January meme near me we are breaking up

Im gonna reply to this dude

 **Yang <8:05 PM>  
**OMG DUDE YES

IM CHOKING I CANT WAIT

 **Mercury <8:07 PM>  
**this is the best email I’ve ever written

Can’t wait for this man to reply

Or woman

I cant assume genders based on idiocy

 **Yang <8:08 PM>  
**ya you can

Dudes are dumb

 **Mercury <8:08 PM>  
**ouch

 **Yang <8:10 PM>  
**sooooooo any more spam emails?

 

 **< 8:27 PM>  
**???????????

 **< 8:37 PM>  
**U there?

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

**SPAM:**

**From: awatts@haven.net**

**To: merc.black@haven.co**

**Subject:** Have fun you little shit

_28 attachments_

Mercury,

I hope you suffer, going through all these calculations for the BEOWULF project. I could’ve just run it through a computer but you’ve been too happy lately.

Cheerio,

Arthur Watts

 

**From: imactuallyobama@givememoney.com**

**To: merc.black@haven.co**

**Subject:** LETS SABE THE COUNTRY

HelLo Im barakk Obama and I really needs to save the Countrys. Please send 123988000 million dollars through Western Union ASAP to be happy. Very much waiting for you’re repluy

Obama

 

         **To: imactuallyobama@givemoney.com**

**From: merc.black@haven.co**

**Subject:** I’m in buddy

Barak,

      I’m pleased that the former president is messaging ME for aid in saving the entirety of this Countrys. I’m in! Of course, I’d need to know the specifics of our plan. Are we using the funds to order pizza from every joint in the country to arrive at the White House at the same time? Seems like a very good show of power. Protests these days are rather vanilla.

Let me know what you think,

Ya boi, Merc Black

 

**To: merc.black@gmail.com**

**From: Commissionersoffice@mistral.network**

**Subject:** In regards to Marcus Black

Mr. Black,

         I am emailing you on the subject of your father, Marcus Black, seeing as your address seems to have changed, as has your number. The court has decided it appropriate to lessen his 15 year sentence, and allow him parole beginning February 22nd. As I look at his case records, it would make sense for you to file a restraining order against him. If you are interested in taking these actions, you will be able to meet with his parole officer on February 10th. Feel free to message me with any further questions.

Thank you,

Lisa Lavender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	11. Ikea Furniture is Overrated, Anyways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn’t talk, or ask questions— she wasn’t even sure if she breathed. But she was there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALL OF THIS IS SELF-INDULGENT ANGST I DONT EVEN CARE ANYMORE OK. No art because this is a 4650 word mess. 
> 
> COMMENTS ARE LOVE

**Yang <9:01 PM>  
**uh emerald

I was messaging mercury and he suddenly stopped texting me?

Im probably just paranoid from last time but like

You think you could check on him?

 **Whipped for Blake <9:04 PM>  
**of course

I’ll give him a call.

Thank you for messaging me about it.

 **Yang <9:06 PM>  
**thank you just let me know

What happens

Yeah

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 

_11 missed calls from **Eminem**_

_< Calling… **Eminem** >_

“Mercury?”

“I’m— I need…”

“Are you alright?”

“No. I— he’s out. Emerald I _can’t breathe_ ”

“Ok I’ll be there in like 20 minutes; I’m caught in traffic. Can you wait that long?”

“I can— no I can’t.”

“Can I send Yang over until I get there?”

“I don’t… I don’t know”

“I’m going to send Yang over, okay?”

“Just breathe— it’s all over now, Mercury. You’re not there anymore.”

“But it’s not over, Emerald. I-It’s never _over_ ”

“I’m sending Yang over, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“…”

“I’m going to hang up now. Breathe.”

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

 **Whipped for Blake <9:15 PM>  
**I need you to go over to our apartment

I can’t get there in time

 **Yang <9:15 PM>  
**are you sure? He didn’t seem open to me like

Knowing about all that

 **Whipped for Blake <9:16 PM>  
**of course he’s not

But he’s going to do something self destructive and stupid if someone isn’t there

If he doesn’t shut down he just panics

And it’s bad

Just go

 **Yang <9:17 PM>  
**okay

Ok

 

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

       ­Yang’s first impression of Mercury and Emerald’s apartment, based on their prequel binge only a few days prior, wasn’t awful. The place was a bit run down, natural for any home in what Mercury called the “brick bastille,” and the light in the kitchen never stopped flickering. Even when the lights were turned off, it flickered, which was probably hell for their electricity bill. However, all-in-all, they kept the place together pretty well— tables and bookshelves void of any dust (probably Emerald’s doing), couch cushions thoroughly swept for coins or candy wrappers.

       The apartment she looked at now, though, shared none of these attributes. The corpses of textbooks and tchotchkes lay littered across the floor as if it were a battlefield. The television that had housed Jar-Jar Binks’ incomprehensible speech just a few days ago lay shattered on the floor, wires twitching like recently beheaded corpses.

       She treaded carefully through the apartment, as if touching the walls would cause a complete collapse. Her breath never left its spot, caught in her throat, as she walked towards Mercury’s room— scared to see what he did to it. Is this what Emerald meant when she said he “panics”? Because this seemed a lot less like panicking, and a lot more like a complete mental breakdown.

       Yang nudged the door open, attempting not to make too much noise, and stepped into Mercury’s room. In any other situation, she would’ve scanned it proudly— happy to be in his room of all places, but now she just needed to find him. And she did.

       His room connected to a bathroom, something common to this kind of flat, and she found Mercury there, legs pulled to his chest; head nestled between his knees. The mirror was shattered and covered in blood, his right hand sat limp and unclenched next to him, knuckles bleeding uncontrollably. He wasn’t moving, and Yang didn’t really know what to do, other than sit right next to him, hand running softly over his back.

       She didn’t talk, or ask questions— she wasn’t even sure if she breathed. But she was there.

       He tensed as she stroked each ridge of his spine, breathing in sharply at her touch. The moment Yang hesitated, however, Mercury shook his head just enough to tell her he didn’t mind.

       Emerald walked in eventually, stony faced and knuckles white as she clenched her fists in either anger or worry. Yang moved her arm away from Mercury’s back, and he seemed to recoil from that. Recoiled from something leaving, somehow. Emerald took a deep breath and crouched down to his eye level.

       “Are you okay?”

Yang wanted to scream at the girl that _no he was not alright._ Did she not see the wreck he’d left behind his freak out? She reminded herself that Emerald was _his best friend_ , and knew how to deal with this.

       He shook his head, barely, and Emerald sighed. “Is this a normal one?”

       “…No,” he said, voice cracking with how soft he talked. “Marcus is getting out.”

       Emerald’s eyes widened before she pulled him into a desperate hug while Yang watched, trying to figure out what happened. The dark-skinned girl looked over to Yang, head resting on Mercury’s shoulder, mouthing; “later.”

Because it was always _later._

 

X

* * *

 

X

 

“Later” turned out to be only a few hours afterwards, when Emerald finally calmed Mercury down and convinced him to sleep through the initial panic of… whatever he was panicking about. Emerald handed Yang a broom and a dustpan before moving to collect pieces of shattered television.

“Is he always like this?” Yang asked, picking at a nonexistent piece of dirt under her thumbnail.

“No,” Emerald answered, after a minute or so. “But this is different— if I didn’t have to deal with Mercury, _I’d_ probably be freaking out.”

“He mentioned… Marcus?”

“His father.”

 _Oh._ Well that made a lot of sense. Yang still remembered _that_ message; the bomb he dropped. She hoped that maybe he would’ve explained it on his own terms when he trusted her enough. Waiting wasn’t something that she was good at, but she wanted to at least try. Well now that plan was down the drain— because Mercury’s dad was apparently out of prison and now _he_ was out of his mind. Not that she blamed him.

She remembered Weiss, when her father disowned her for being gay. The way that everything she worked for, everything her life had revolved around for nineteen years just came crashing down. Eventually they found out that the abuse wasn’t just emotional; how it broke her inside. If Mercury’s situation was anything like that— Yang couldn’t bear to think about it. Even though she had to, now.

Emerald sighed, throwing a piece of glass into the trashcan before sizing the bin up and realizing that there was a lot more trash than there was can. She moved to get two large, durable trash-bags, and threw one at Yang. “I can’t really talk about it.”

“I get it, he’s probably not… Okay with me knowing.”

“But you already know,” Emerald breathed in, trying to decide how she’d word her next sentence. “He doesn’t care about people knowing, as long as they don’t make a big deal of it— it’s just that he doesn’t like to think about it. You saw what happened the last time he ‘thought about it’— didn’t leave his room for a week.”

Yang didn’t miss the implied _and didn’t text you back._

“I’ll let you read the first few chapters of my book,” Emerald said, seemingly out of nowhere. Yang shot her a really confused look, popping up from behind the corpse of an Ikea bookshelf. “It’s what I’m writing for class right now— supposed to be a memoir sort of thing.”

She brushed her hands off on her pants about eight times before she walked over to the wreckage that Yang was working on, tearing a piece of plywood out of her hand and just throwing it in a garbage bag. “We’ve been meaning to replace that shelf recently, anyways,” she explained, trying desperately not to freak out like Mercury had.

Emerald paused, frozen as she held the rapidly expanding plastic, like her brain just switched off to alleviate the thoughts racing through every red light.

Yang gulped, “is he gonna be okay?”

Emerald didn’t answer. She just picked up more glass from the floor. Eventually, she left to her room and returned with what looked like a manuscript, carefully counting through the first few chapters.

 Yang didn’t ask any more questions. She just took the paper from Emerald’s hands and moved shakily into Mercury’s room, where he lay half-asleep on his bed. She just read Emerald’s book.

 

 

**The Thief and The Butcher**

_An autobiographical piece by_ _:_ **Emerald Sustrai**

**I.**

The first things that I noticed, about the boy, were his eyes. They stood still on his face, staring straight through me. I remember standing at the top of the staircase and peering at Salem as she showed him inside the house, trying to stay hidden between the banister’s railings. He gripped onto this black backpack with white knuckles, and just looked at me. I’m not sure if his eyes actually cared about the girl that they trained on, but there I was.

         Usually, new arrivals were announced beforehand, and we’d all gather by the door and welcome the kid in with a unanimous greeting. One of us would offer to show the kid around, decided by a coin flip beforehand, and then things would go on as usual, but with an extra face at group sessions. However, there was no warning, or anything like that. But Salem had this meticulous way of accommodating for each person she took care of, so we all crammed ourselves at the top of the staircase to figure what this kid was all about.

         His feet dragged as he walked, but he still managed to move silently across the tiled floor as he followed Salem through the sitting room, fingers still gripping his backpack, even when she offered to relieve him of it. Cinder stood behind me, unwilling to crouch down for optimal levels of stealth, foot tapping curiously against the hardwood. Cinder was the oldest of our group; first to breathe and first to start after Salem and the boy.

         Cinder and I shared a room, so she dictated everything to me, once we had retreated to our quarters. The boy’s name was Mercury, and he would be staying with us until he turned eighteen.

         I woke up expecting to see him in the kitchen, or something. I felt drawn to those iron-clad eyes, to the scowl that curled around his jaw with practiced thoughtlessness. However, nothing had changed from the previous morning. Cinder stood, in her exercised poise, facing the coffee machine— Neo, our resident orphan child, counted the petals on each flower in the dining room table’s centerpiece vase, as she did every day. And Mercury was nowhere to be found.

         I didn't mention it; too scared that the boy I’d seen the night before was a figment of my imagination. That something so sad and angry could’ve spawned from my head. It was only when Salem strode into the kitchen at around lunchtime, Mercury trudging behind her silently, that I asked the most ordinary question you could possibly ask.

         “Who’s he?”

         It’s something that I particularly recall saying— because his face contorted in an awkward frustration when I did.

         Salem nodded towards Mercury, who cleared his throat and gripped his hands in various positions as he spoke, “ _I’m_ Mercury.”

         “He’ll be staying here,” Salem explained, expression loose; posture tight. When she saw me loading my questions in the back of my­ throat, desperate to release the trigger, she answered them quickly. “He’s rooming alone for now.”

         Mercury shifted uncomfortably.

         “We’ll do introductions in group, Emerald,” Salem concluded. “Now do your homework.”    

         I can’t remember if I even had homework that day, but I still remember every word that Mercury said; his voice unchanging, held taught by a clenched jaw. He sat, albeit awkwardly, on the loveseat by the fireplace, unable to take his eyes off of the wavering flame. Nobody dared to sit next to him, and I couldn’t stop glancing at the empty spot on that chair. Salem asked him to go first, and he didn’t talk for a while. We all sat silently, waiting for the words he was sounding out in his head to creep out of his mouth.

         “My name is Mercury Black, and I don’t want to be here,” he started. “My favorite color is silver, the weather is not nice so don’t ask me about it, I’ve never read Harry Potter, and my dad’s in jail right now because I stabbed the wrong side of his chest.”

         Salem nodded, jotting something down on a notepad, while the rest of us tried not to look visibly shocked. I found out later why he stabbed his father, but right then I thought Salem had gone completely insane, letting an attempted murderer in the Group Home that was formed on the idea that, hey, maybe troubled kids weren’t going to kill you in your sleep if you gave them food and water.

         “Is that why he’s rooming alone?” I asked, looking at Salem expectantly.

         “ _I’m_ rooming alone because I don’t want to climb two flights of stairs,” Mercury spat. It had happened twice now, me asking Salem a question that was addressed to him. I thought then that I just trusted her word over than his, but now that I reflect on it; I think it just made me uncomfortable, knowing that Mercury was real. That the change he brought was real.

         “No one likes climbing stairs,” Roman complained, sitting on the floor because Neo had her body splayed over the couch with no intention to share it. “But we do1.”

         “No one likes losing their legs,” Mercury refuted, lifting his pant leg far enough over his clunky boot to reveal a metal replacement. “But I did.”

         Cinder smiled, while my breath hitched in my throat, lodged there until I could speak again. It took a while for that to happen, however. The session went on like usual, people talking about stupid things they enjoyed about life, getting outrageously off topic. Mercury looked unimpressed, tapping his finger ever so slightly on his thigh as his eyes burred into my skull.

         Writing back on our encounter, the romantic insinuation that decorates these pages requires elaboration. From the onset, there was no confusion between the curiosity I held towards Mercury Black and any sort of sexual attraction that seems typical in this context. The first things I noticed about Mercury were his eyes, and how there wasn’t anything left.

He, Mercury, was just like me, and I needed that right then.

  

**V.**

         Mercury was born on the second of November, a Scorpio (of course), to Marcus Black and a woman who I still don’t know the name of. He tried to kill his father, he somehow lost his legs, and I hadn’t seen him smile once in the three months since he started living with us. That’s all I knew, really. Salem said not to press, and Cinder said to give him time— but I was too impatient to even consider it.

         The thing was, he ruined everything. I had been brought to WTCH Group Home at thirteen; dirty and alone, but had found family in the people that gave me a home for those next three years. Outings became less of a mandatory bonding fieldtrip and more of a hanging out with friends. School became something that I enjoyed devoting time to as I devoured every book that Salem threw at me, and my hand took to the page whenever there was nothing to busy myself with. I forgot about the world that I came from in favor of this home.

         Mercury changed all that. He became this shadow of bottled anger and cynical remarks that hid in the corner of every class I had, every trip we went on, every group session he partook in.

         I finally snapped on our annual beach trip. It was Mercury’s first time doing it, so Cinder and Neo were prepared to kill  if the whole thing wasn’t perfect. I didn’t understand why they kept trying to break down the walls that he built for himself, because I knew that nothing would take them down.

He walked out into the kitchen in some loose black shirt and even looser sweatpants—the only pajamas he seemed to own, and gave everything the most puzzled of looks. Cinder rubbed sunscreen under the straps of my swimsuit as Neo chose the drinks that would go in the cooler for a midday thirst-quencher. Salem sliced into a watermelon with an unwarranted aggression, but it worked out for her just fine. “Uh…?” He didn’t say anything else, just trying to put the pieces together.

“Right, Mercury, get sunscreen on— we’re going to the beach,” Salem ordered, motherly tone mixed with her insistence.

“I’ll just stay here.” He pivoted around, ready to limp back to his room and— well do whatever he did there.

“No,” Cinder insisted. “It has to be perfect. We all go— it’ll be fun.”

“I don’t like the beach,” he insisted, before walking off.

Cinder had this almost devastated expression, one that she only wore when things didn’t go right— she had this thing about control. Salem hadn’t finished cutting her watermelons, but her hand had frozen in place, cold fingers still wrapped around the knife. Roman didn’t seem to care, but he never really did— and Neo just shrugged, starting after him with a Pepsi. 

Understandably, I was pissed. We hadn’t even gotten in the car yet and the trip was ruined. I was sick of waiting for him to move on from whatever had its hand up his ass. I was sick of tiptoeing around an unknown subject. The stomp to his room was a haze of anger and heavy steps— I practically pushed Neo out of the way as she left, Pepsi no longer in her small hands.

The Pepsi, instead, was in Mercury’s hands, coolly cracking as he pried the tab-top up and into itself before the can met his lips. His room contained no personal affects, no posters or pictures or figurines. It had been three months and his clothes still lay in his suitcase, the closet empty. As if he planned on leaving the second we forgot he was there.

“Can you leave?” he asked, though his real question remained between the lines. _Why don’t you just leave me alone?_

“Only if you leave with us,” I snapped. “You’re not allowed to just ruin everybody’s day with your pity party.”

“I’ve gone on all your stupid little ‘family bonding trips. I should be able to opt out of this one.”

“That’s not how this works! You’re not allowed to just check out if you’re scared!”

“ _I’m not scared_.”

It wasn’t a lie, either. He wasn’t defending himself, but merely just correcting me. His fists were clenched and his eyes were steely. I couldn’t look away.

“I’m _angry_ ,” he spat. “I’m sick of being told what to do— I spent my whole life underneath my dad’s foot and now I’m just under yours! Maybe I don’t care about stupid family bonding trips. Maybe I don’t care about any of you.”

He clutched his hands to his stomach as he spoke, like he was desperately trying to keep the words inside, but it hurt to do so. It occurred to me then that it was _me_ who was scared. I was scared of him. Of all the things he brought with him.

He was the world I escaped at thirteen. He was the _place_ I had lived in. He was this hand, gripping my throat, tearing my reality away in exchange for his.

“If you don’t care about anyone,” I whispered. “Why should they care about you?”

“Easy,” he answered. “They don’t.”

 

 

**VIII**

I found the police file in Salem’s office. The one about what Mercury did.

I walked in expecting her there, working on some paperwork, or just on the phone with the various Social Services officers assigned to each us. I wanted her to sign something, maybe a field trip form or a syllabus— pen in hand and everything. But she either stepped out for a meeting or to drive Cinder to another one of those modelling things that she’d started applying for. I moved to just put the form on her desk, so she’d just get it to me in the morning or later that night, only pausing when I saw the file right there.

It was in one of those manila folders, with his name written on it in big, thick black Sharpie. There had to have been at least a hundred pages in it, weighing enough to be a small book. Writing now, I want to say that I debated before tearing it open— but in reality, I didn’t even hesitate.

I wasn’t sure if it was okay to turn this in, writing everything I read in there in a book that’d basically be made public— but Mercury insisted that it was fine, so long as I kept it to the point.

Page one.

Name: Mercury Black.

DOB: Nov  2  1997

M: N/A

F: Marcus Black

Okay, I knew all that already. I already knew what he looked like, too— so the practical mugshot that stood in the top right corner of the page was unsurprising. Sure, he looked rougher around the edges, blood still on his shirt and bruise on his cheek, but we all looked like that when Social Services dragged us into a photo booth.

I turned the page, expecting words, for some reason. Instead I got pictures.

I shut the file after about ten seconds, before bolting to the bathroom to throw up.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t want to go to the beach, because his back had no clean skin left, after being carved away through years of belt marks and cigarette burns.

He walked in on me, as I vomited up my lunch, thinking that the bathroom was empty so he could take a shower or something. His legs weren’t covered, left free as he wore loose basketball shorts, and I couldn’t stand looking at them. Because now I knew how he lost them. Mercury was observant, he saw how my hands gripped the toilet seat as my eyes raked over the body that I knew only held pain.

“Do you want me to leave that badly?” The question was genuine, like he really wanted to know. It wasn’t emotional or stoic. It just was.

I didn’t answer. I didn’t _know_ the answer.

“Well I want you to leave,” he said. “This bathroom. I need it.”

So I left.

I couldn’t look at him the same after finding out. I mean, all of us had some sort of daddy or mommy issue, but none of us were willing to kill because of it. None of us had those reminders. That’s why we were okay— why it was so easy to feign normalcy. But Mercury still couldn’t even walk up the stairs.

And now it was like the tables had completely turned. Mercury had grown closer with everyone, to an extent. He would join Neo and Roman as they played Mario Kart, or work as Cinder’s personal gopher as she worked on her outrageous clothing designs. Even Salem had broken through, fishing her brother’s old guitar out of some storage facility the minute she found out that Mercury was into music. And now I stood in the shadows.

Before, when I wanted nothing more than to put him back in the gutter he came from, he didn’t really care about me. He probably even agreed that he should leave. But after he walked in on me, and after I stopped throwing my rage in his face, he started returning the favor. I stopped hating him, he started hating me.

And I didn’t know why.

I wasn’t mad anymore. I _got_ it. There was a lot more for Mercury to overcome and now I was listening, giving him that space. But now he seemed to be mad at me.

“Maybe it’s because you looked at the file?” Neo suggested, when I asked. “He’s actually gotten a lot better.”

“Just ask him about it. He’s pretty blunt.” Roman passed his sister her phone after using the calculator for his work. I needed to get on that; the summer homework.

“He literally doesn’t talk ever.”

“Yeah, but when he does, he’s hilarious,” Neo argued.

“Sure he is.”

Cinder didn’t say anything for a while, just tapping away at her laptop. It was amazing how our tiny room could fit all four of us at one time, but Cinder never really took up any space until she wanted attention. She’d cough, prompting our eyes to hers, and she’d fill the house. We didn’t have to worry about Mercury hearing us talk about him, he’d been fucking around on his guitar for the past few hours with no signs of stopping.  

“Maybe, Emerald,” Cinder started, eyes moving from the screen to my eyes. “He doesn’t want you treating him differently because you know.”

“Shouldn't I, though?”

“Not necessarily.” She turned back to whatever she was typing before continuing, not bothering to look at me while doing so. “Mercury doesn’t want you reminding him that his dad did those things. He doesn’t need it. He needs to separate himself from that and figure out who he is without that part of his life. Sure, his dad was awful, but it defined him.”

I think that’s when it clicked for me.

The only objects that I really cared about in my possession were my books. I had a big bookshelf that took up the majority of my half of the room. I heaved my collection of Harry Potter books all the way down to Mercury’s room, passing him as he glared at me for interrupting his jam session, and resting them on his bed.

“You said you never read them,” I inquired. “Read them now. If you bend the pages I’ll throw you down the stairs.”

He didn’t say anything, but it was the first time I saw him smile.

I left, and that was that.

 

X

* * *

 

X

Yang didn’t know what to do after she read the excerpts that Emerald gave her. She knew that Mercury’s dad was not— well not good. But she didn’t know that it was bad enough to drive a murder attempt. She couldn’t have imagined it.

She didn’t speak, putting the pieces of paper on the bedside table before turning to Mercury, who still slept, shakily. Or at least, she thought he did.

“He beat them in with a wrench,” he mumbled, unable to open his eyes. Unable to look at her. “My legs.”

Yang scooted herself closer to him before lying down completely, and doing her best to embrace him completely with only one arm. He was tall and muscular, but right then, he was the smallest thing she’d ever touched. She didn’t expect him to continue, but he did.

“I really liked running, it was the one thing I could do if it got really bad— so when he took that away I just…”

“Snapped?”

“Shattered.”

He rolled over to face her, his eyes bloodshot. Not like he’d been crying, but like he’d been trying not to. She ran her fingers along each freckle and scar on his face, every moment of pain that he shared.

“Em’s gonna be pissed, I broke her bookshelf,” he said, voice shaking as he held everything in.

“Eh, Ikea furniture is overrated anyways.”

That’s when he broke down, choking back a sob and squeezing her as tight as he could. “It’s not _fucking_ fair.”

She bit her lip. “No it isn’t.”

And it’d be a cold day in hell before she let Mercury’s father back into the world. Yang didn’t know how she’d do it, but as she held her crying boyfriend in her arm, she knew she’d change all this. Marcus Black had another thing coming to him.

And that thing was motherfucking Yang Xiao Long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might be wondering why all my chapter titles are meme-y. Because I want people who are new to the fic to be caught off guard lol.
> 
> I wanted this out on Valentine's day but if you follow me on tumblr you know that I was personally affected by the Parkland shooting, i literally live really close (like 30-45 min) and have friends that went there. Even though this is a fan fiction and a really emo chapter. I want everyone reading to take a few moments to pay respects to those who died? idk that's what i've been doing. 
> 
> This chapter was really hard to write because I wasn't sure how I'd get a lot of this through. I've wanted to use Emerald's book for awhile but I needed it to be written well. This might not be the last time you see the book either who knows. 
> 
> I listened to meme-y songs when writing the most depressing parts of this chapter. Literally i had the AAAAA from Big Enough on loop while writing the last scene. Which is a big mood. 
> 
> Comments are love!


	12. Who are you, Jimmy Barnes?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She just knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey mofos there was supposed to be a bunch more art here but instead I just have like 5 because it's 3 AM. 
> 
> There's not much angst here because I feel like you guys need a break.
> 
> Comments are love!

**Chapter 12: Who are you, Jimmy Barnes?**

**Yang <3 <3:02 AM>**  


 

**Mercury <3 <5:09 AM>  
**thank you

**X**

**X**

**X**

 

 **To:** [Commisionersoffice@mistral.network](mailto:Commisionersoffice@mistral.network)

 **From:** [Yangalang@gmail.com](mailto:Yangalang@gmail.com)

 **Subject:** On the subject of Mercury Black

Lisa Lavender,

Hi, I am Yang Xiao Long, girlfriend of Mercury Black— and I’m emailing you to say that there is no legal standing to let his father out of jail. My parents are both lawyers, and I am studying criminal justice at Beacon Academy— and with the nature of Marcus Black’s sentence, there should be no reason for him getting out. Though you are not personally responsible for the idiotic decisions of the Mistral Justice Department, I hope you can get it in their heads that I am willing to sue.

If this isn’t possible, I will be accompanying Mercury to the meeting on February 10th— and will not hesitate to punch the nearest officer in the face.

Sincerely,

Yang Xiao Long.

X

X

 **To:** [yangalang@gmail.com](mailto:yangalang@gmail.com)

         **From:**[commissionersoffice@mistral.network](mailto:commissionersoffice@mistral.network)

         **Subject:** Re **:** On the subject of Mercury Black

Dear Ms. Xiao Long,

Thank you for your email. I am aware of the circumstances behind Marcus Black’s imprisonment, and can personally say that I agree with you. However, there is nothing that I can do to stop this. You mentioned that your parents were both lawyers? Perhaps they could accompany you and Mercury to the parole hearing?

I hope you the best,

Lisa Lavender.

 

**To:** [merc.black@haven.co](mailto:merc.black@haven.co)

         **From:**[commisionersoffice@mistral.network](mailto:commisionersoffice@mistral.network)

         **Subject:** a follow-up

Dear Mercury,

I am emailing you to confirm your attendance to Marcus Black’s parole hearing on the 10th. I understand your reluctance to show up, but if there’s any possibility of this not going through, you could affirm that. I’m sorry about the trouble.

Sincerely,

Lisa Lavender

P.S. Your girlfriend is quite the spitfire! Keep her.

 

 **To:** [commissionersoffice@mistral.network](mailto:commissionersoffice@mistral.network)

         **From:**[merc.black@haven.co](mailto:merc.black@haven.co)

         **Subject:** re: a follow-up

Lisa,

Sorry I haven’t replied. I have been preoccupied, obviously. I will be attending, and filing many a restraining order.

Mercury Black

P.S. She won’t be coming, but I’ll tell her you said that.

**\--**

**Mercury <3 <10:56 AM>  
**did you send an email to Lisa Lavender

About the thing

 **Yang <3 <10:56 AM>  
**yes I did

Is there a problem with that

 **Mercury <3 <10:57 AM>  
**well obviously I don’t want you punching a boi in the face

But I mean

It's the thot that counts

 **Yang <3 <10:57 AM>  
**did u deadass just

Call me a thot

 **Mercury <3 <10:57 AM>  
**yea but ur my thot

 **Yang <3 <10:58 AM>  
**nice save

 **Mercury <3 <10:58 AM>  
**thx

But no really I want to go alone to the restraining order thing

 **Yang <3 <10:59 AM>  
**really

If I don’t go YOU r gonna be the one punching bois

 **Mercury <3 <10:59 AM>  
**if I wanna like get through all of it ima have to like

idk

I have to go alone

 **Yang <3 <11:00 AM>  
**ill be waiting then

 **Mercury <3 <11:01 AM>  
**thank you

Whatever that’s this weekend ill just freak out Friday

Hahah

 **Yang <3 <11:01 AM>  
**im surprised that ur not freaking out like usual

As if I know what usual is but

That isn’t the point

 **Mercury <3 <11:02 AM>  
**it’s bc im fucking pissed

 **Yang <3 <11:02 AM>  
**I am too

 

**Mercury <3 <12:01 PM>**

Anyways wyd today

 **Yang <3 <12:02 PM>  
**I have more phys therapy

Ugh

Its SO BORING why did you even convince me to do it

 **Mercury <3 <12:02 PM>  
**firstly

I didn’t even know what I was talking u into

Secondly

Didn’t I literally say “do whatever u want fam”

 **Yang <3 <12:03 PM>  
**shhh I need to let my boredom out on someone

 **Mercury <3 <12:03 PM>  
**you can punch me w ur new hand

Look forward to it

 **Yang <3 <12:04 PM>  
**mmm just the thought of your face under my fist motivates me

Good job babe

 **Mercury <3 <12:04 PM>  
**yay fml

\--

**_CHAT ROOM: Team Mom_ **

_Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here_

< _Favorite Daughter > changed the chatroom’s name to **Mercury Protection Squad**_

**Favorite Son**

...

 **Mom  
** im glad youre able to respond to that

 

**Favorite Son**

I can speak

 

And

 

Send memes

 **Baby  
** where are the memes?

 

I don’t see any

 

**Why is he even here**

Shit u rite neo

 

**Mom2**

You 2 are seriously the worst

 

@mom they get it from you

 

**Favorite Son**

Trouble in paradise?

 

**Favorite Daughter**

No we are all just awful awful people

 

Anyhow

 

Mercury I know you want to do this alone but if you need anything just ask

 **Favorite Son  
** really

**Favorite Daughter**

Unless it’s more nuggets

**Favorite Son**

Fuck

 **Favorite Daughter  
** seriously Merc you seem awfully ok considering

**Favorite Son**

I’m not invalid because my dad hit me ok

 

Stop treating me like a charity case

 

I know you all care but like

 

Im not scared of him anymore. I can’t control when I have my things so im scared then

 

But im over all this

 

I need a fucking show. Friday night.

 

**Mom2:**

Consider it done

 

\--

 

 **Eminem <12:16 PM>  
**I’m sorry if it seems like I’m hovering

 

I just

 

 **Mercury <12:16 PM>  
**it’s fine

 **Eminem <12:16 PM>  
**is it, though?

 

**Mercury <12:17 PM>**

Of course not

 

Of course im not fuckin fine

 

The person who beat me and manipulated me and

 

He just came into my life again

 

Why the fuck would I be fine

 

But im done being sad im fucking angry.

 

I don’t need cuddles and hot chocolate right now

 

 **Eminem <12:19 PM>  
**you need strobe lights and MCR

 **Mercury <12:19 PM>  
**exactly

 

I need a goddamn distraction

 

 **Eminem <12:20 PM>  
**okay.

 

\--

 

 **Whipped for Blake <12:45 PM>  
**hey

 

 **Yang <12:45 PM>  
**sup

 

How’s merc doing?

 

He seemed alright when we last talked but like

 

 **Whipped for Blake <12:46 PM>  
**he’s avoiding thinking about it

 

To be honest it scares me more than when he shuts off

 

He’s being unpredictable and that can either be a good or bad thing

 

 **Yang <12:47 PM>  
**well if there’s anything I can do to help

 

I wouldn’t mind babysitting him

 

I must protecc

 

 **Whipped for Blake <12:47 PM>  
**ikr

 

Well actually that’s why I messaged you

 

We’re having a show Friday night.

 

I think it’d really help if you came

 

 **Yang <12:49 PM>  
**o m F YESS

aBSOLUTELY

I mean

Ya sure

 **Whipped for Blake <12:51 PM>  
**Good

Alright well I’ll give you more info when Vernal is done scheduling it and stuff

 **Yang <12:52 PM>  
**dude you have no idea how much I’ve wanted to see you guys

Im ur number one fan even though ive never heard ur music

 **Whipped for Blake <12:54 PM>  
**how are you a fan then

 **Yang <12:56 PM>  
**you’re all insanely attractive

Like jesus Christ yall could just walk on stage and bam standing ovation

 **Whipped for Blake <12:57 PM>  
**You think Roman’s attractive?

 **Yang <12:58 PM>  
**who dat again

 **Whipped for Blake <12:59 PM>  
**omg

\--

**_CHAT ROOM: Meme-less chat_ **

_Mom, Butch babe, Sadstrai, Greek_

**Sadstrai  
** (screenshot of the “who dat again”)

@Greek

 **Greek  
** ha ha

Very funny

Im irrelevant I get it

 **Butch Babe  
** why didn’t you send this to the main chat

I think Merc and Neo would’ve found it the funniest tbh

 **Mom  
** hon she invited Yang to surprise Mercury

 **Butch Babe  
** omg you are such a wonderful friend emerald that’s the best plan

 **Greek  
** I like how no matter what you’re doing

Whether it’s proteccing the babies or sending memes

Im always roasted

 **Mom  
** it’s your best quality

 **Greek  
** what is

 **Mom  
** having no discernable qualities at all

 **Butch Babe  
** yeah it takes talent to be irrelevant

 **Sadstrai  
** anyways yeah that’s the plan.

I’ll let Neo know about it separately since we don’t have a separate chat without Merc

 **Greek  
** why don’t we again

 **Sadstrai  
** because that’s a breach of trust?

 **Greek  
** you say breach of trust

I say potato

 **Mom  
** nobody says potato

 **Butch babe  
** it READS THE SAME ON PAPER GUYS WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

 **Sadstrai  
** the only reason we have this chat in the first place is because Neo and Merc kept spamming memes whenever the four of us would talk about work or school or whatever

 **Greek  
** you’re talking like you’re not one of the kids

 **Sadstrai  
** im 5 months older than merc im an adult

 **Mom  
** I’m proud of my eldest

She says potato

Not potato

 **Greek  
** the thing is we know exactly what she’s referencing

 **Butch babe  
** what

 **Mom  
** remember up there when I said that “no one says potato”

 **Butch babe  
** ya

 **Mom  
** I said that when Neo and Merc were in the room and

 **Sadstrai  
** it started as an endearing joke and now

Now they un-ironically say potato

I hate them

 **Greek  
** *coughs*

This entire plan to bring Merc’s girlfriend to the concert you’re planning for him to make him happy

Ahem sorry I had something lodged in my throat

 **Butch babe  
** awwww

 **Sadstrai  
** shut up

\--

**_CHAT ROOM: Sausage Party?!!?_ **

_< AAAAAAA, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single>_  


_< AAAAAAA> changed her name to <AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA>_

**not single  
** what now

  **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 **Ice Queen  
** what are you

Jimmy Barnes

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** wait a minute how did Weiss reference a topical meme

And be funny while doing it

 **Ice Queen  
** maybe you’ve been too busy being whipped to recognize my comedic genius

 **Fetus™  
** Neo has taught us the ways of memes

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** Neo as in

Merc’s friend

 **Ice Queen  
** Yes

She’s quite

Uncouth

 **Fetus™  
** she’s great

Plus she’s my age so im not the only baby!!

 **Not single  
** im resisting the urge to say something right now

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** Oh I know

Anyways

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

OK S O IM GOING TO MERC”S CONCERT ON FRIDAY AND I'm TOTALLY STRESSING

 **Not single  
** why

You’re already together

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** ok he’s angry about something right now.

Not at me but like he’s had a shitty week

And he’s gonna be playing guitar

Songs that he wrote

Under hot lights in a nightclub

H e s  go n na  b e  s o  d a m n  h o t

H o w  co u ld I  co m pa re

 **Ice Queen  
** firstly

Ew your hetero is showing

 **Fetus™  
** and secondly?

 **Ice Queen  
** that’s all I had to say, actually.

 **Not single  
** okay yang

Why are you telling us this

Just snapchat your panic attack if you want us to know

You can have that dumb meme effect there

 **Fetus™  
** ahem

*radial blur

plebian

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** WH AT D O I WEAR

 **Ice Queen  
** look no further

 **Fetus™  
** do you know how long Weiss has been waiting to do this

Do you know

You don't

 **Not single  
** this is ridiculous Yang

Literally just wear what you always wear to clubs and concerts

That cool beige/white thing

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA**

I cant wear that with my arm like this

And look as hot as I want to

I need pizazz

I need him to forget about all the shit that's bothering him

And I need him to fuck me

 **Ice Queen  
** /YOUR HETEROSEXUAL IS SHOWING/

PUT IT AWAY

 **Not single  
** put a #triggerwarning on that yang

The Gays can’t take this

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** do you want to pick my outfit or not

 **Ice Queen  
** I

Do

Idoidoidoido

 **Fetus™  
** ive never seen Weiss so passionate about something

 **Ice Queen  
** haven’t you though

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** Weiss you’re my best friend but Ruby is still my little sister

I would be very careful about my next words

**Ice Queen**

Maybe ask Emerald for a picture of what he’s wearing so you can match/contrast

Or rather, so I can match/contrast. You’re too hopeless

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** ok thanks

Im gonna die aren’t i

 **Not single  
** we all are

 **Ice Queen  
**???

 **Fetus™  
** omG BLAKE THAT’S THE BEST IDEA

LET’S ALL GO AND BE YANG’S WINGMEN

 **Ice Queen  
** do you know how long Ruby has waited for this

Do you?

No you don’t.

 **Not single  
** anyways

We are all gonna have makeovers and look good

 **Fetus™  
** u just wanna see your gf

And yang just wants to protecc mercury

This is adorable

 **Ice Queen  
** where’s the lie though

**\--**

 

\--

 

**Ice Queen**

 

Courtesy of neo

Try something… more grungy than you usually go for.

But still emphasize your assets

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** h e ‘ s s o pr e cio us

 **Ice Queen  
** your hetero, yang

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** right, sorry

 

 

**_Comments:_ **

**Kick.silver  
** im jealous I won’t get to see this irl

 **Yangbang  
** sure you won’t @kick.silver

 

\--

Yang entered the nightclub when _Salem_ was in the midst of wrapping their first song. She wouldn’t have been so late if she’d gotten herself together earlier, but even though she’d seen him, touched him, kissed him in real life before— there was something about this that made Yang feel like she needed to prove herself in some way. This was Mercury’s passion, anyone could tell. Music was something that he could talk about for years without taking a single breath. The only scars that he loved were the calluses on his fingers.

She’d been to Junior’s before, everyone had, but entering now felt like she’d been born in another country, coming to see this novelty for the first time. Strobe lights danced as usual, but to a gritty realness, rather than bubblegum pop. Her friends entered behind her, and she smiled as Blake’s eyes brightened at the sight of her girlfriend, who finished the song off with an emotionally epic piano solo. Ruby and Weiss cheered— or rather, Ruby cheered loudly while Weiss stared at her with this whipped fondness that could only bring warm feelings to those who noticed.

The crowd cheered at the end of the number— Yang was surprised how many people there were, thinking that _Salem_ was more of a passion project than a conceivable career. Cinder, who had just belted a dramatic final chorus, panted as she raised a fist into the air, and her band members followed suit.

“How’re you doing tonight everybody?” she prompted, voice excited and enchanting as she yelled through the mic. People cheered, and Yang watched as Mercury chugged a waterbottle dry, imagining how it’d feel to run her fingers through his slicked hair.

“We have a surprise for you guys! A new song!”

Blake smiled, in a weird sort of way. As if she knew something that Yang didn’t.

“Mercury, our guitarist, wrote it. So it’s gonna be a blast!”

Yang’s eyes zapped back to her boyfriend at the mention of his name, and her fingers pulsed with electricity and anticipation.

The song started with guitar, a more indie sounding riff than she expected from the punk-rock band, joined by Cinder’s gorgeous voice after a few repetitions. Yang couldn’t focus on anything but the words she sung, however. Mercury’s words.

_You’re just like ink on my tongue_

_I’ll scrub and scrub, but your color won’t drain out_

Neo’s drums and Emerald’s piano joined into the euphony, creating this addicting buildup. Yang couldn’t help but wonder who he was talking to, through this song.

_And I’m jealous of your lungs_

_They say the words you need to say, but they don’t shrivel in the smoke_

The chords changed as they moved into a prechorus, Mercury and Emerald providing harmonization as Cinder continued.  

 

_And the world is not over yet_

_But you take a drink just to celebrate the end_

_And you dance along to every moment_

_You dance with the skeletons in your closet_

 

The whole band stopped playing for a moment before hammering out a rhythmic chorus; chords abrupt with each line. Yang couldn’t move because she knew.

 

_And you’re like citrus_

_Your life’s just citrus_

_The world to you, it’s hit or miss_

_You’re just like me, nothing like him_

She knew he was talking about her. That he wrote this song about her. The second verse began, and she couldn’t move.

 

_Your eyes are lilacs crumpled up_

_Forgotten poetry, you never have enough_

_And my voice, it tastes like blood_

_From when I screamed so loud, that my throat came undone._

_And the world is not over yet_

The pre-chorus continued into the chorus and she couldn’t keep herself from crying. Blake put a hand on her shoulder, and Yang guessed that she knew about all this. That Mercury wasn’t the only person to get this surprise.

Every word in the song felt so real, even when sung by someone who wasn’t dating Yang. It was like everything that he wanted to tell her, but couldn’t, was filling her ears. She remembered once, when he told her about how music helped him.

“ _That’s what music is to me. Just jamming out on my guitar. There’s a lot of things that I can’t push into words, because I’m emotionally constipated and it just–“_

Goes away.

The chorus repeated once more before the song dropped in momentum, going back to that guitar-singer quiet.

_You can tell the world, you’ve given up_

_Or you can take your hand and flip it off_

_You just, tell your lemons to just fuck off_

_Yeah you just, tell your lemons to just fuck off_

_Because you’re like citrus_

_Your life’s just citrus_

_The world to you, it’s hit or miss_

_You’re just like me, nothing like him_

_And you’re like citrus, to me._

Mercury finished the final chord and looked up, onyx eyes widening as they met her tear-filled ones. There were cheers, but the world was silent to her as they stared at each other. He unintentionally bared his soul to her and she accepted it. She wanted to protect it with her life.

She wasn’t sure how long it was before he put the guitar down and jumped off the stage, engulfing her in his warmth.

She never wanted him to let go.

And it suddenly occurred to her that she was in love with Mercury Black.

 

 

**-**

**-**

**Mercury <3 <3:04 AM>  
**hey are you up?

No

Ok

 **Yang <3 <3:05 AM>  
**no im awake

Are you nervous

 **Mercury <3 <3:05 AM>  
**well yeah

But I don't really sleep much anyways so

Yeah

 **Yang <3 <3:06 AM>  
**oh

Why?

 **Mercury <3 <3:08 AM>  
**my emo wouldn’t be complete without insomnia

How do you think Id do so much shit if I slept

I usually do extra work for my professor but im on break for the next few weeks

 **Yang <3 <3:10 AM>  
**at least he’s understanding

Right?

 **Mercury <3 <3:11 AM>  
**no he’s just good friends with salem who would slap him if he didn’t give me time off

 **Yang <3 <3:13 AM>  
**still

 **Mercury <3 <3:14 AM>  
**apparently im going to have to see him

I didn’t realize that until now

I cant stop thinking about it

Id much rather be reprograming shit for Watts

 **Yang <3 <3:17 AM>  
**well if it helps

I can’t sleep either

Not just because of what’s happening with you

I just haven’t slept well since the accident

Does it ever get better?

 **Mercury <3 <3:19 AM>  
**for me it was less about losing them

More about how it happened

But you won’t get over it. You’ll just go with it

You’ll learn eventually that things wont go back, and you’re either gonna be stubborn or accept it

 **Yang <3 <3:20 AM>  
**I think ive accepted it

It’s just hard

 **Mercury <3 <3:20 AM>  
**I know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the song. <<<<<< so I can't link you. But yeah. I don't like doing that thing where you pretend a character has written a pre existing song. I write that shit. So all Salem original songs are MY songs that I either write for it, or fit. 
> 
> AnyWAYS THIS WAS A HARD CHAPTER To WRITE SO I HOPE YOU LIKED IT.
> 
> Commentscommentscomments 
> 
> please i need validation
> 
> plus i mean come on this is the chapter to comment things other than "i fuckin hate you adox" because there's no bad things here.


	13. Samantha-in-the-back-row-who’s-only-here-for-the-blowjob.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “let’s all watch a sad kid see his asshat parent again and relish in the tension”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really bad I'm so sorry. I wrote it on a plane so that's why there's no art.   
> It could be better. I know  
> i've been focusing a lot on Summer Side— but I thought I could give you guys a little treat.   
> Comment Please

**Eminem <9:20 AM>  
**just so you know

Yang and I are at a coffee shop less than 20 min away

 **Mercury <9:21 AM>  
**k

 **< 9:45 AM>  
**I can’t do this em

 **Eminem <9:45 AM>  
**do you want us to come over?

Do you want to call me?

 **Mercury <9:46 AM>  
**how am I supposed to see him again?

I don’t want to go back to all that

 **Eminem <9:47 AM>  
**just ignore him okay?

You can even state your case really passive-aggressively

I know you like being a subtle asshole just as much as being a regular asshole

 **Mercury <9:48 AM>  
**you’ve never met him you dont know what hes like

Theres a reason I didnt pull a knife on him until AFTER he FUBARed half my body

 **Eminem <9:49 AM>  
**do you want us to come over?

 **Mercury <9:50 AM>  
**I can’t do this

You can’t either

Just get me a coffee

 

* * *

 

**Yang <3 <9:55 AM>**

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/28f1f2fe04408905bd6d3a8ad3ce6919/tumblr_p61zwtrPeL1usyz4jo1_540.gif)

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/ff6ee1d90fe6d762692db55cb2f41968/tumblr_p61zwtrPeL1usyz4jo2_540.png)

 

 

 

if I cant be there to actually support u

I feel so helpless not being able to help

That makes no sense but does it make sense

 **Mercury <3 <9:56 AM>  
**this is good

Dw

Im sorry you feel that

If you feel helpless idk wtf I feel

I can’t let you guys see this

 **Yang <3 <9:57 AM>  
**wdym

 **Mercury <3 <9:57 AM>  
**I mean

None of you have met him

Not even emerald

Hell not even Salem or Watts

No one has met him and I don’t want you to

 **Yang <3 <9:58 AM>  
**u know it won’t change anything

 **Mercury <3 <9:58 AM>  
**but I don’t know that

Ok I have to go

Gotta put my cell away

**< 10:06 AM>**

You know they’re treating this like a movie theatre

“no talking”

“silence your cells”

“don’t give a blowjob to your boyfriend Samantha-in-the-back-row-who’s-only-here-for-the-blowjob.”

“let’s all watch a sad kid see his asshat parent again and relish in the tension”

fuck should’ve grabbed snowcaps on the way in

 **Yang <3 <10:08 AM>  
**I thought you were turning your phone off

 **Mercury <3 <10:09 AM>  
**1\. It’s believable enough that turning an iphone off takes 2 minutes

2\. im gonna fuckin explode if I pay attention to anything that’s happening in this room.

 **Yang <3 <10:09 AM>  
**ok. Text me for memes.

 **Mercury <3 <10:09 AM>  
**you’re not my meme dealer

But ill make an exception

 **Yang <3 <10:10 AM>  
**who is ur meme dealer

 **Mercury <3 <10:11 AM>  
**mostly reddit

But I do have a direct meme dealer

I don't reveal my sources

 **Yang <3 <10:11 AM>  
**ok well since your memes are apparently covered

If you start to freak out just get up and call me

Idc about the fuckin judge or whatever

It can give you pity points too if u want

 **Mercury <3 <10:11 AM>  
**hella

You know I totally thought this thing would be like

Walk into a room and be like “can I have a restraining order and like never see that ass again”

But it’s literally just a parole hearing

i.e

a trial

I fucking cannot stand these

 **Yang <3 <10:13 AM>  
**can you ever stand tho

 **Mercury <3 <10:13 AM>  
**wow ok

 **Yang <3 <10:14 AM>  
**#cripplethreat

 **Mercury <3 <10:14 AM>  
**..

#cripplethreat

no but I actually have to go now

 **Yang <3 <10:15 AM>  
**ok

* * *

 

_< Calling… **Uncle Qrow** >_

“ _Hello, Yang?”_

“Hi Uncle Qrow.”

“ _It’s been awhile since we’ve talked, is this about spring break? You and Ruby can still make it, right?”_

“Yeah, yeah we can. I’m calling to ask you something. About your job.”

_“Since when were you interested in that?”_

“Just bear with me, ok?”

_“Ok.”_

“So hypothetically, if someone were to go to jail for abusing their kid— to the point of almost killing them, would it be legal to let the person out of jail after only like five years?”

_“Well, what was the original sentence?”_

_“_ Uh, lemme see— Emerald, how many years was he originally sentenced? Twenty five? Twenty five.”

“ _That’s a tricky question. Usually specific to situations. Why?”_

“A… friend of mine is dealing with it.”

_“Weiss?”_

“No, it didn’t get that bad with her. I don’t even think Jaques is in jail anymore. And that was for like tax fraud or something.”

“ _Who, then?”_

“I told you. A friend.”

_“Is is a boyfriend or girlfriend?”_

“Possibly.”

“ _Tai is going to flip. You haven’t had an official partner… ever.”_

“I’m the one who’s gonna flip. I’m so worried— the parole hearing is today. I’m just… I want to be there with him but he refuses.”

“ _What’s his name?”_

“Mercury.”

“ _Oh fuck.”_

“What?”

_“Mercury, as in Mercury Black?”_

“Yeah. Do you know him?”

_“Do I? He’s one of the worst cases I’ve ever had.”_

“Oh so you like — you were his social worker? Before he went to the group home.”

_“Yeah. Jesus, so Marcus Black finally managed to pay off the law. It was only a matter of time.”_

“Wait, you think he’s bribing the judges?”

“ _Of course he is. Why do you think that they only caught him after he nearly killed his kid?”_

“What do you mean?”

“ _Mercury called the police about his father constantly. They went to investigate the first time, and even though the abuse was clear as day, they didn’t respond to a single one. Marcus had money. Dirty money- but plenty of it.”_

 _“_ Jesus Christ. You think he’ll get parole, then?”

“ _This trial is just a formality— if they weren’t already sure of the result, they would’ve called me as a witness.”_

“Oh.”

_“Yeah. I feel like I have to get down there, now. This is not legal, whatsoever.”_

“From what you’re telling me, there’s nothing we can do. Hopefully he can get the restraining order, though.”

_“Yeah.”_

“So.”

“ _How’s he doing, anyways? I didn’t expect him to be emotionally stable enough to get friends, let alone a girlfriend. Who’s also my niece. Jesus that’s surreal.”_

“He’s doing good. He was. I only met him a few months ago but… I really, really like him. I don’t know. I want this to work.”

“ _I have no clue how he’ll take Tai, though.”_

“Don’t remind me that _that_ would have to happen. Dad’s gonna either be overbearing and an ass, or completely adopt him.”

“ _Probably both.”_

“Yeah, probably.”

_“I have to go— there’s a meeting to be had. Tell Mercury I said hi.”_

“Yeah.”

< _Call ended >_

* * *

 

         Mercury didn’t exactly know how to react when his father walked through the doors and into the court; hands cuffed loosely, white hair overgrown into his oily face. He expected that he’d be wearing orange, like you see in all the TV shows, but it was just a plain, oversized, beige shirt.

         It was weird, looking at the man he never expected to see ever again. Mercury used to see his father in levels, how much he’d fuck him up this time. He trained himself to sense each of Marcus’ demeanors; twitching eyelids, fading upper lip, grinding teeth. Pupils dilated from all the drugs. But now, it wasn’t about that. Now he just saw the man who completely broke him. His arms were the cages that once pinned him down, his eyes were the years that were stolen; reflecting a scared child, who couldn’t cry anymore.

         So when Marcus Black looked over at his son, Mercury didn’t do anything at all. He didn’t look at him any more than he had to. He didn’t say anything hateful, or passive. He didn’t even breathe.

         “Not gonna lookit me, are you?” Though Marcus stood a few meters away, Mercury could just taste his voice. Like rotting whiskey; like everything he wanted to just forget. It felt like his heart had self destructed, beating so fast, and hitched itself in the back of his throat. No matter how hard he swallowed, it didn’t go away. He blinked the panic out of his eyes. He didn’t say anything.

         “Always was a dumb one,” Marcus said, turning humorously to the guard behind him, who just scoffed and pushed him forwards.  

         A bead of sweat built up at his temple, growing in size as he pressed his fingernails harder and harder into his palm. It hurt, after awhile, digging away at the skin like that. But it was his own kind of hurt.

         The courtroom was so empty, only inhabited by staff and a small audience, who were just there to see a dramatic Law and Order angstfest. Despite this, the bright lights were loud against the inside of his skull, embedding shapes underneath his eyelids. Shapes that he couldn’t erase no matter how many times he blinked.

         The judge spoke, the lawyers spoke, Marcus spoke, and eventually, Mercury spoke as well. He couldn’t really recall what was coming out of his mouth, his words on autopilot, as to prevent a complete shutdown. With every sentence, Marcus’ eyes bored deeper into Mercury’s head.

         It was all about Marcus’ good behavior. How he was clean now, and no longer had anything influencing him to do such horrible things. They didn’t seem to get that sometimes, people are inherently awful.

         And maybe it took ten minutes, maybe it took three hours. He couldn't tell. Time no longer mattered, as the world shattered around him in moments.

 

         “Marcus Black will be granted a two year parole, on the condition that he stays at least ten miles from his son, Mercury Black, and stays clear of any intoxicating substances.”

         The mallet came down as the judge spoke, right in the middle of her sentence. Not even bothering to finish before she was done. The sound was loud, like a bomb, and his ears rung. They say that when you hear that, that high pitch, you’ll never hear that sound again. Mercury heard every single one. He was deaf to everything anyone said after that. His lawyer, patting him on the back as if he’d just lost a football game or something. Like it was just a game to him. The judge telling everyone that it was ok to leave now. The insidious smile that carved itself onto Marcus’ face.

         All of his instincts told him to get away. It was seconds before he was out the door, throwing up into the wastebasket outside.

         His heart beat in his throat. He just wanted to go home. He didn’t want to be here anymore.

* * *

 

 

 **Mercury <3 <1:20 PM>  
**I could really really use that coffee rn

 **Yang <3 <1:20 PM>  
**of course

You want to get lunch or something?

 **Mercury <3 <1:20 PM>  
**I really just need to go home

 **Yang <3 <1:21 PM>  
**ok

You’re going to be ok

 **Mercury <3 <1:21 PM>  
**I don’t feel very ok

I started to.

I fucking thought for a second that maybe I could finally be HAPPY for once

I thought he was out of my life for good.

I was wrong

For both of those

 **Yang <3 <1:22 PM>  
**We’ll be ok

 **Mercury <3 <1:23 PM>  
**ok

 **Yang <3 <1:23 PM>  
**just like that?

 **Mercury <3 <1:23 PM>  
**just like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah moral of the story is that merc is sad
> 
> comment for more. (i sound really demanding there but it's because I'm tired and desperate for praise)


	14. Isn't ravioli that character from attack on titan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rap God  
> I THOUGHT YOU CAME OVER TO HAVE ANGSTY SEX
> 
> AND YOU’RE WATCHING THE STARWARS PREQUELS
> 
> The betterer sister  
> why not both

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be emo, but it ended up being memo  
> whoops
> 
> Comments=updates

**Chapter 14: isn’t ravioli that one guy from attack on titan**

**_Comments:_ **

**Idrinkmilk  
** I don’t get it

 **Sasstrai  
** gdi mercury nobody likes that meme

 **Kick.silver  
** @sasstrai I beg to fucking differ

 **Iammilk  
** I don’t get it either @idrinkmilk

 **Itwasme.neo  
** @idrinkmilk @iammilk I II II L

**-**

**-**

**-**

**Future Wife <10:04 AM>  
**hey Im going to have to take a rain check on the whole

Meeting your parents thing

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:05 AM>  
**it’s totally fine

May I ask why?

 **Future Wife <10:05 AM>  
**it’s just

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:05 AM>  
**is it Mercury?

Yang mentioned that he was going through something

 **Future Wife <10:05 AM>  
**more than just ‘something’

I don’t want to like

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:06 AM>  
**be happy when he’s not?

 **Future Wife <10:06 AM>  
**yeah

He’s always the person that

I don’t know

It’s hard to explain

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:07 AM>  
**no I totally understand, Emerald

He’s like your brother

He’s your family

 **Future Wife <10:07 AM>  
**he is

And even though im here

And Yang’s here

I can’t help but feel like he’s going through this alone

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:07 AM>  
**that’s what it was like when Yang got into that accident

I couldn’t do anything

Even when I did everything I could

Sometimes it isn’t anything you do or don’t do. Sometimes it’s not in your control

 **Future Wife <10:08 AM>  
**that actually helped thank you

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:08 AM>  
**im not saying this because I want this whole meeting my family thing to happen

Though I totally do

But I think that you should talk to him. Ask him if it’s ok

 **Future Wife <10:09 AM>  
**he’ll say it’s ok

But I don’t know if it is

 **Blake <3 <3 <10:09 AM>  
**then ill be waiting

-

-

 

 

 

**_CHAT ROOM: Mercury Protection Squad_ **

_< Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here>_

**Favorite son  
** whaddap sluts guess who just got outta prison

Or in this case

Court

 **Mom  
** how did it go?

 **Favorite son  
** not well

Which you know

Since I know that emerald called yall, or set up a gc without me about me

 **Mom  
** not well, then

 **Favorite son  
** how astute

 **Why is he even here  
** Mercury you don’t have to be so

 **Favorite son  
** so what?

 **Why is he even here  
** so antagonistic

We know that you’re dealing with things you can just

Talk to us

 **Favorite son  
** how long have you known me again

Four years

Arguably at my most stable and most unstable

I don’t need u all to baby me

 **Favorite Daughter  
** what are you going to do now, though?

Now that he’s out

 **Favorite son  
** he’s not out of the prison for another week or so

 **Mom  
** what will you do then?

 **Favorite son  
** im going to repress all of it and continue living my life as if he doesn’t exist

Don’t worry about ya boi being annoying with my stupid freakouts

So

 **Favorite daughter  
** Mercury you haven’t slept in three days

You can’t keep going like this

 **Baby  
** just get off his back guys

He told you that he doesn’t want to talk about it

That he wants to have some semblance of normalcy after all this bullshit

So at least give him that

Christ

-

 **_CHAT ROOM: just because  
_ ** _< Best butch babe, Irrelevant, Legg, The younger and better sister, The betterer sister, Mom, Rawr XD, Rap God, useless lesbian>_

 **Weeb trash  
** so um just gonna bring this gc back because I wanted to propose something

 **Rap God  
** hell no you’re not

 **Mom  
** I agree with Emerald, this is not happening on my Christian server

 **Useless lesbian  
** wait what’s happening?

 **Weeb trash  
** don’t you all want to hear my proposal

 **Rawr XD  
** I don’t care

But something’s telling me that I don’t want to hear the proposal

 **Rap God  
** you don’t

Babe you don't

 **The younger and better sister  
** aw babe

 **The betterer sister  
** Let’s hear it Neo

 **Irrelevant  
** did you not listen to everybody here

Majority has decided not to let Neo start ANOTHER one of these talks

 **Weeb Trash  
** aw yang im glad you askeddddddd

 **Rap God  
** @the betterer sister  I don’t care if Merc is whipped I will murder you

 **The betterer sister  
** _(ツ)_/ ¯

 **Weeb Trash  
** Poptarts are dessert ravioli

Discuss

 **Legg  
** aw hell yea

 **Rap God  
** JESUS DICK NO

 **Rawr XD  
** jesus dick?

 **Mom  
** my sweet daughter has an aggressive side

 **Best Butch Babe  
** why would it be a ravioli though

 **The younger and better sister  
** isn’t ravioli the character from attack on titan?

 **The betterer sister  
** actually that makes sense

It’s a saucy filling with a carbohydrate envelope around it

And some sort of sauce/topping?

Yeah Neo I agree

Also hey merc

 **Legg  
** sup

 **Rap God  
** RAVIOLI ARE FUCKING PASTA

THEY”RE MADE OF PASTA

WITH MEAT OR CHEESE INSIDE

NOW PARDON ME WHILE I GO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT WITH THIS GUN I GOT WITHOUT A BACKGROUND CHECK

 **Useless Lesbian  
** honestly same

 **The younger and better sister  
** like the short one that twelve year olds have crushes on but he’s thirty

 **Rap God  
** IF YOU LOOK UP THE FUCKING DEFENITION OF A RAVIOLI

 

PASTA

 **Weeb Trash  
** but what is pasta really

It’s no more than a carbohydrate

Meant to hold sauce

 **The betterer sister  
** exactly

If you break the whole into its parts

Bam

poptart

 **Mom  
** neo why do you do this?

 **Weeb Trash  
** tell me this doesn’t belong on a ravioli moodboard

 

**Irrelevant  
** it brings her pleasure

 **Weeb Trash  
** yeah it totally turns me on

 **Useless Lesbian  
** duly noted

 **Rawr XD  
** idk if that was sarcastic or genuine but either way im screaming

 **The younger and better sister  
** like with the spinny blades

 **Best Butch Babe  
** It looks like Merc is typing

 **Rap God  
** fuCK

MERCURY YOU”rE SUPPOSED TO BE SAD NOT ENABLING NEO

 **Weeb Trash  
** see merc has priorities

 **The younger and betterer sister  
** and like he likes cleaning or something

 **Irrelevant  
** you should be flattered that he’d rather join you in this bullshit than be emo and watch the prequels

 **The betterer sister  
** well

 **Rap God  
** I THOUGHT YOU CAME OVER TO HAVE ANGSTY SEX

AND YOU’RE WATCHING THE STARWARS PREQUELS

 **The betterer sister  
** why not both

 **Best Butch Babe  
** im just going to leave for a bit

 **Mom  
** aw why

 **Best Butch Babe  
** gotta do some things

 **The younger and better sister  
** And everyone calls him daddy when he’s clearly ace

 **Weeb Trash  
** yo same

 **The younger and better sister  
** people call you daddy or you’re clearly ace

 **Weeb Trash  
** why not both

 **Useless Lesbian  
** but I thought that starting pointless conversations that annoy emerald was your kink

 **Weeb trash  
** *grey ace

*very grey

*like all fifty shades of that shit

*Moms are reading about my husky voice and dashing abusive tendencies and masturbating that’s how grey I am

 **Irrelevant  
** those last three messages were completely irrelevant

 **Mom  
** the pot calling the kettle black I see

 **Irrelevant  
** I bet you’re one of those kinky moms

 **Best Butch Babe  
** *a kinky mom

She wouldn’t read that book it isn’t gay enough

Neo’s fanfictions are better

 **The younger and better sister  
** oo what do you write fics for

 **Weeb Trash  
** uh

 **Best Butch Babe  
** she ships her favorite food together and then puts them in a highschool

 **Rawr XD  
** well if that isn’t a microcosm of fandom culture

 **Rap God  
** I can confirm that Mercury and Yang had sex while watching the Pod racing scene

And that their dirty talk was just talking along to Jar Jar Binks

 **The betterer sister  
** *Jar Jar Binks’ sexy goddamn daddy voice

 **Legg  
** wow playing on my daddy issues I see what you’re doing

 **Rap God  
** jesus Christ

 **Legg  
** anyhow

Can we all agree that poptarts are ravioli or should I pull up my dissertation

 **Rap God  
** you can’t write a dissertation in 30 min

 **Legg  
** says miss “ I haven’t started my final essay yet and it’s due in two weeks oopsie **”**

 **Rap God  
** touché

But I will never stoop to agreeing with you and Neo on your preposterous ideas

 **Legg  
** Ok then

 **Mom  
** emerald brace yourself

 **Rawr XD  
** for what

 **Irrelevant  
** Mercury has this awful talent of logically analyzing memes

 **The younger and better sister  
** so?

 **Rawr XD  
** ^^

 **Rap God  
** just watch

 **Legg  
** do we all agree that hot pockets are technically ravioli

 **Rap God  
** I want to say no but

Yeah I guess so

 **Legg  
** and we can agree that hot pockets are microwavable and savory poptarts

 **Rawr XD  
** I mean in some senses

 **Legg  
** if we transitive property that shit

A=b b=c a=c

Then poptarts are ravioli

Case closed

 **Rap God  
** I fucking hate you

-

-

-  


**Merc <4:09 PM>  
**thanks for doing that Neo

 **Neo <4:09 PM>  
**anything for my best bro

 **Merc <4:09 PM>  
**as much as I love em and mom™ and I guess that other guy we know

I just can’t deal with their hovering all the time

 **Neo <4:10 PM>  
**omg literally same

Whenever I have a shutdown or whatever

They just

Hnnng

 **Merc <4:10 PM>  
**yeah.

Anyways

Yeah

 **Neo <4:11 PM>  
**u gonna be good?

 **Merc <4:12 PM>  
**as if

My fucking dad is out of prison right now

I literally have bodyguards Neo

I mean not like cool ass badass servant bodyguards

Like fuckin police officers whose skill rides just below their shitty pay grade and then they spend all of it on donuts while they drive around the neighborhood

They’re patrolling the streets

Eating donuts taking names

Like they don’t pay rent or anything

The only thing they know is the fucking car and the fucking donuts

 **Neo <4:14 PM>  
**yowza

 **Merc <4:14 PM>  
** man no but the ravioli thing was good

I kind of wanna do another one now

 **Neo <4:15 PM>  
**nah bruh

We gotta space them out

 **Merc <4:15 PM>  
**u rite

Thanks though

 **Neo <4:16 PM>  
**npnp

-

-

-

-

 

 

 

-

-

-

-

-

 **Mercury <3 <8:45 PM>  
**yoyoyo whats poppin

 **Yang <3 <8:45 PM>  
**not much

You?

 **Mercury <3 <8:46 PM>  
**not much

Just working away my problems

 **Yang <3 <8:47 PM>  
**oo new song?

 **Mercury <3 <8:47 PM>  
**y e p

 **Yang <3 <8:47 PM>  
**ahhhHH I love your music

 **Mercury <3 <8:48 PM>  
**is it because a lot of them are about you

 **Yang <3 <8:49 PM>  
**nah that’s just a bonus

 **< 8:56 PM>  
**hey I want to ask you something

 **Mercury <3 <8:57 PM>  
**?

 **Yang <3 <8:57 PM>  
**do you know Qrow Branwen

 **Mercury <3 <8:57 PM>  
**maybe I should be asking why you know that I know Qrow Branwen

 **Yang <3 <8:58 PM>  
**he’s my uncle

 **Mercury <3 <8:58 PM>  
**ah

 **Yang <3 <8:59 PM>  
**I was calling him about your trial because I wanted to know if it was like legal

Which apparently it isn’t

And he figured it out

He said that they need to have a retrial with like witnesses like him

 **Mercury <3 <8:59 PM>  
**did you take 7thgrade civics

Because I did and I don't remember much but like

Double jeopardy is a thing

Idk I just want to stop thinking about it

Im surprised he still remembers me tbh

 **Yang <3 <9:01 PM>  
**he said he couldn’t forget

 **Mercury <3 <9:01 PM>  
**well that gives me more faith in social services

Wait

 **Yang <3 <9:02 PM>  
**wut

 **Mercury <3 <9:02 PM>  
**if he’s ur uncle

Ur mom is raven branwen right?

 **Yang <3 <9:03 PM>  
**you know my mom?

 **Mercury <3 <9:03 PM>  
**yeah she put my dad away to begin with

And

Well

I mean

She’s Vernal’s mom

Adoptively

 **Yang <3 <9:04 PM>  
**of course my deadbeat mom is connected to my boyfriend in some way

 **Mercury <3 <9:04 PM>  
**well that explains it

We don’t have to talk about it

 **Yang <3 <9:05 PM>  
**good because I don’t want to

 **Mercury <3 <9:05 PM>  
**rad im glad we can shove aside our issues and let them grow while we watch vine compilations

 **Yang <3 <9:05 PM>  
**hella

-

-

-

 **_CHAT ROOM: just because  
_ ** _< Best butch babe, Irrelevant, Legg, The younger and better sister, The betterer sister, Mom, Rawr XD, Rap God, useless lesbian>_

 **Rap God  
** guys

 **Irrelevant  
** what is this the defacto gc now

 **Mom  
** I mean it makes sense

Mercury’s gf, Em’s gf, their friends, our friends

It’s not too chaotic

 **Irrelevant  
** wow everyone is in a relationship

Except for me and you neo

Just us single people

 **Weeb Trash  
** I wouldn’t go that far

 **Rap God  
** back to me

Remember this post

**The betterer sister  
** yeah totally

That was awhile ago too

Like before Merc and I’s drama happened

 **Legg  
** yeah like in fucking December

 **Rap God  
** so

I just got a troll on it and im dying

 **Rawr XD  
** in a good way or a bad way

 **Rap God  
** in every way

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/c2a75150f733993201ba8b0031f622da/tumblr_p6u3cvAX6L1usyz4jo1_1280.png)

**The younger and better sister  
** uh Donaldtrumpisbestpresident?

I beg to differ

_< the younger and better sister> changed her name to <thomasjeffersonisbestpresident>_

**Useless Lesbian  
** WOW OK

 **Rawr XD  
** look at you putting shame to the name of Professor Oobleck

 **Rap God  
**?

 **The betterer sister  
** I am ashamed Ruby

Why do you do this

 **Rap God  
** may I repeat myself

??

 **Legg  
** ^^

 **Rawr XD  
** our 11thgrade APUSH teacher hated Thomas Jefferson

To the point where it became a meme

 **Legg  
** I mean he was a shitty president

The Embargo Act for example was the worst piece of legislation ever passed in terms of world trade

Other than Hoover’s Smoot-Hawley tariff which only worsened the Great Depression

Jefferson

 **Useless Lesbian  
** WAS A HYPOCRITE WHO PLAGARIZED JOHN LOCKE FOR THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

 **Rawr XD  
** HE CHILLED IN FRANCE WHILE PEOPLE FOUGHT

 **Best Butch Babe  
** but didn’t the French end up joining and helping

 **Legg  
** naw I think that was Ben Franklin that negotiated that

Wasn’t it?

 **Rawr XD  
** i think so

 **The betterer sister  
** @Legg I don’t know whether it’s hot or weird

Your weirdly accurate and precise

 **Legg  
** what can I say

I have a photographic memory

 **Rap God  
** yeah and yet you’re still a dumbass

 **Legg  
** what can I say

 **Rap God  
** nothing

I would like you to shut up for like three seconds

_< Legg> changed his name to <Hamiltonisbestpresident>_

 

 **The betterer sister  
** so hot then

 **Rap God  
** anyways I found the troll dumb

 **Rawr XD  
** I do too hun

 **Weeb Trash  
** isn’t you twos anniversary coming up

 **Irrelevant  
** oh yeah emerald aren’t you meeting blake’s parents tmw

 **Hamiltonisbestpresident  
** aw hell yeah

Im gonna get all of her panic texts

It’s gr8

 **Rap God  
** no im not we rescheduled

 **Hamiltonisbestpresident  
** aw hell

Why tho

 **Weeb Trash  
** I know exactly why

 **Rawr XD  
** my mom had a night shift at the hospital that night

We’ll be able to in a week or two

 **The betterer sister  
** @Hamiltonisbestpresident I feel you I get all of blake’s panic lesbian texts

 _< Rawr XD> changed her name to <Panic Lesbian>_  


**thomasjeffersonisbestpresident  
** I would change it back because the furry joke never gets old but

this feels more accurate

 **Useless lesbian  
** that makes two of us blake

The adjective lesbians

 **Thomasjeffersonisbestpresident  
** oh man I feel left out

 _< Thomasjeffersonisbestpresident> changed her name to <Jefferson lesbian>_  


**Jefferson lesbian  
** there we go

                _< Hamiltonisbestpresident> changed his name to <Hamilton lesbian and not like the musical because im not fucking twelve>_  


**Hamilton lesbian and not like the musical like the dude because im not fucking twelve  
** and thus balance is restored

 **Panic Lesbian  
** Emerald your best friend is actually the worst

 **Rap God  
** oh I know

-

-

-

 **Mercury <9:40 PM>  
**why did you actually cancel your plans with blake

 **Eminem <9:40 PM>  
**what do you mean

 **Mercury <9:41 PM>  
**is it because of me

Because it shouldn’t be

 **Eminem <9:41 PM>  
**im sorry I just

I didn’t want you to think I was like inconsiderate or something

You’re dealing with so much and I don't want to like

 **Mercury <9:42 PM>  
**emerald you don’t need to help me all the time

None of this is your fault or responsibility.

Contrary to very very popular belief im actually ok w dealing w this on my own for now

This road goes both ways

How do you think I feel when you cancel your life for mine

Fucking awful

 **Eminem <9:44 PM>  
**im sorry

 **Mercury <9:44 PM>  
**its ok

Now tell your gf that youd be happy to meet her parents

And eat casserole while texting me under the table because you don’t want to mess it up

And then sneak off into the other room and make out, and blush insanely when her mom comes in to grab a towel or some shit

And let out a sigh of relief when she smiles without looking at you, and leaves the room without a word

Because it’s more important to me that you’re happy than my dad

Ok?

 **Eminem <9:47 PM>  
**ok

Can I sleep in your bed tonight

 **Mercury <9:48 PM>  
**not like im using it

 **Eminem <9:48 PM>  
**thank you

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK SO LETS BREAK THE MEMES DOWN  
> a) the band pic. It's the I II II L meme  
> b) the ravioli bs is based on my philosophy club meeting where a friend and i posed that question and everyone lost their shit at us  
> c) THE TROLL COMMENT WAS ONE I GOT ON THIS FIC. LITERALLY GO TO CHAPTER 3 AND GO TO THE MOST RECENT COMMENT ON IT. I think it was Eva that suggested i call them out in a chapter. So I did.  
> d) The Thomas jefferson thing is based on my own APUSH teacher who hates TJ with a passion. Like i didn't do his hate justice here but i wrote this chapter at an APUSH review (since the first 20 minutes were just eating breakfast. 9:00 is too early on a saturday)  
> e) Hamilton is best president... jacksfilms
> 
> ANYWAYS COMMENT IM IN LOVE WITH ALL OF YOUR NICE COMMENTS
> 
> ;P -Adoxxx


	15. Intermission 4 Intermission 1 Intermission 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Useless Lesbian  
> I mean I’m not surprised to see that Merc is a Homestuck because
> 
> He’s just a knockoff Dave Strider
> 
> Hella Jeff  
> hella
> 
> Useless Lesbian  
> case in point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i literally wrote this for me, myself and I. It is just filler. and i don't care. I've been dealing with so much stress lately and wasn't able to do some actual Homestuck day art so here we are. I literally finished this at 11:55 so I'll technically be posting this 4/14 but there's still 2 timezones behind me so i don't even care.   
> Sorry if you don't get half the jokes. I wrote it on an hour of sleep and for myself.   
> It's short because it's self indulgent.   
> Comments are love  
> I'm just really really stressed right now sorry if i seem mean and standoffish.

 

 

 

 

**_CHAT ROOM: just because  
_ ** _< Best butch babe, Irrelevant, _ _Hamilton lesbian and not like the musical because im not fucking twelve, The younger and better sister, Weeb Trash, The betterer sister, Mom, Panic Lesbian, Rap God, useless lesbian >_

< _Rap God > changed her name to <Sweet Bro>_

_< Hamilton lesbian and not like the musical because im not fucking twelve > changed his name to <Hella Jeff>_

**Hella Jeff  
** so

 **Useless Lesbian  
** oh no

Oh noooooo

 **Weeb Trash  
** *oh yes

 **Panic Lesbian  
** what?

 **Sweet Bro  
** check tumblr sweetie

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** s w e   e t   y

 **Weeb Trash  
** more like

 

**Panic Lesbian  
** goddammit it’s Homestuck day isn’t it

 **Hella Jeff  
** yup yup

 **The betterer sister  
** ohhhhhhhhh yeah

I saw you guys on snap

Yo merc we are the couple why do you and Em have the couple names

 **Sweet bro  
** sorry Yang but Merc and I have been doing this for years

 **Hella Jeff  
** yup

 **Useless Lesbian  
** I mean I’m not surprised to see that Merc is a Homestuck because

He’s just a knockoff Dave Strider

 **Hella Jeff  
** hella

 **Useless Lesbian  
** case in point

Anyways Emerald I didn’t think you’d be so

Into it?

 **Weeb Trash  
** trust me I think she’s more into it than merc

 **Sweet Bro  
** OK HOMESTUCK IS NOT JUST MEMES

THE CHARACTERS USE HUMOR AND SARCASM TO COVER UP SERIOUS INSECURITIES AND HONESTLY I THINK THAT IT’S A PHENOMENAL DEPICTION OF INTERNET CULTURE AND TOXICITY AND A COMMENTARY ON SOCIETAL PRESSURES AND CONCEPTS. EACH CHARACTER IS SO NUANCED IN THEIR DEVELOPMENT AND EVERY SHIP AND ARC IS SO FULLFILLING AND EVERYONE IS RELATABLE AND HNNNG

**Hella Jeff**

 

heheh

 **Useless Lesbian  
** if this isn’t a microchosm of you two’s personalities

 **Sweet Bro  
** anyways to answer your question  
 ****  
Rose Lalonde was my gay awakening

 **Hella Jeff  
** can confirm

 **Weeb Trash  
** it’s almost like Emerald has a type or something

 **Sweet Bro  
** yeah

Literate goth lesbians are my type

 **Panic Lesbian  
** <3

 **Hella Jeff  
** anyways yeah Yang I’d ditch em any other day for you but

Homestuck is a Jaded thing

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** jaded?  
 **Sweet Bro**  
our “ship name”

Speaking of which Merc and I are in a canon moiralegience so yall can suck it

 **Panic Lesbian  
** of course the perfect girl ended up being a homestuck

There had to be a drawback

 **The betterer sister  
** aw man merc

I thought you loved me

 **Hella Jeff  
** ouch

 **Weeb Trash  
** HOLY SHIT DOES THIS MEAN THAT THEY EXCHANGED THE L WORD OFF SCREEN

 **The betterer sister  
** nope not yet

 **Weeb Trash  
** “Yet” ??!!?!?!??!!!?

 **Hella Jeff  
** oh shit wait

Didn’t we just do that right now tho

 **The betterer sister  
** huh you’re right

 **Weeb Trash  
** N O IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ROMANTIC

 **Useless Lesbian  
** Neo I tend to find happiness when I ignore them

 **Sweet Bro  
** anyways yeah it’s homestuck day

 **Panic Lesbian  
** I just saw the SC

You’re a Libra, Emerald?

 **Sweet Bro  
** yes

 **Panic Lesbian  
** sweet

 **The betterer sister  
** ten bucks she’s looking up compatibilities between libras and leos

 **Hella Jeff  
** can I say “heh furry”?

 **The betterer sister  
** yes

 **Jefferson lesbian  
** yes

 **Useless Lesbian  
** yes

 **Sweet Bro  
** no

 **Panic Lesbian  
** thank you darling

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** OhSHitDArLing

 **Useless lesbian  
** what does the horoscope say?

 **Hella Jeff**  
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!  
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!  
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding

Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!  
Tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!  
Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!  
Chacha-chacha-chacha-chow!  
Chacha-chacha-chacha-chow!

Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!  
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!  
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!

A-hee-ahee ha-hee!  
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!  
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!

 

 **Sweet Bro  
** she said horoscope not fox, Merc

 **Hella Jeff  
** sorry I forgot to turn that off

 **Useless Lesbian  
** turn what off

 **The betterer sister  
** yOUR MOM

 **Hella Jeff  
** Yang my mom is dead

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** yO SAME

Wait no now im sad

 **Hella Jeff  
** anyways I programmed an algorithm on this laptop to detect certain sentence formats that reflected memes

i.e “what does the __ say”

 **Useless Lesbian  
** but that meme is from like 2014

 **Hella Jeff  
** this is my old laptop

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** what happened to your other one ****  
  


 **Hella Jeff  
** I’d rather not talk about it

 **Useless Lesbian  
** so anyways Blake

What does the horoscope say?

 **Hella Jeff**  
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!  
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!  
Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding

Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!  
Tchoff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!  
Joff-tchoff-tchoffo-tchoffo-tchoff!

Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!  
Chacha-chacha-chacha-chow!  
Chacha-chacha-chacha-chow!

Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!  
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!  
Fraka-kaka-kaka-kaka-kow!

A-hee-ahee ha-hee!  
A-hee-ahee ha-hee!  
A-hee-ahee ha-hee

Dammit

 **Useless Lesbian  
** I thought you turned it off?

 **Hella Jeff  
** im trying

I can’t remember where I coded it ****  
  


 **The betterer sister  
** when the hacks are too good

 **Hella Jeff  
** rft

 **Panic Lesbian  
** pardon me for not answering I was too busy sobbing

 **Sweet Bro  
** oh no why?

**Panic Lesbian**

 

**Weeb Trash  
** im not gonna lie

You two are the best ship

 **Hella Jeff  
** I thought Cripple Threat was the best ship

 **Weeb Trash  
** not when you exchanged the L-Word for the first time because of a meme

 **The betterer sister  
**  we are god tier

 **Hella Jeff  
** *ragged breaths*

G o d   t i e r

 **Mom  
** are you guys having ship wars

 **Sweet Bro  
** mom!

 **Useless Lesbian  
** yeah they’re arguing over whether VG or CT is better

 **Sweet Bro  
** violetGardenia and cupThots

The difference is obvious

 **Hella Jeff  
** Yang can we change our ship name to cup thots

 **The betterer sister  
** 100%

 **Mom  
** the best way to settle this then is

Yang what is your horoscope

 **The betterer sister  
** Taurus why

 **Mom  
** watch and learn­­

 **Hella Jeff  
** while she’s doing that

@Jefferson Lesbian

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** what

 **Hella Jeff  
** im shocked that you’re such an awful Jefferson Lesbian

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** im the best Jefferson lesbian

 **Useless Lesbian  
** are you implying that there are more than one

 **Hella Jeff  
** yeah I think that today im a Jefferson lesbian

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** only today?

 **Hella Jeff  
** yep

Because it’s his birthday

 **Jefferson Lesbian  
** NO WHAT

I’VE BEEN DISTRACTED BY YOUR HUSSIAN ANTICS

 **Mom  
** ok so Cripple Threat wins

 

**Hella Jeff  
** cup thots***

Also

Hella we win

-

-

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk what that chapter was
> 
> Also i headcanon 16 y/o Em and Merc as super nerdy and into Homestuck ok. Is it so much to ask. 
> 
> comments are love
> 
> OH SHIT WAIT YOU CAN CHANGE THE TIMESTAMP TO SAY 4-13  
> k dudes this came out yesterday shHHH


	16. We need to vote in November for congressional candidates that will actually fulfill our needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baby:  
> you know how we’ve established this whole situation between VG and CT as a super cheesy, angsty and fanfiction
> 
> This is the chapter of the fanfiction where emerald meets blake’s parents and freaks out about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been awhile hasn't it

**Chapter 16:** We need to vote in November for congressional candidates that will actually fulfill our needs

**[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/f0d69a98fc6e8bd616b5d516879ada67/tumblr_pbmuoy8rPI1usyz4jo2_1280.png) **

**[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/77779896a30a1fa04aaba64c6fc3dd71/tumblr_pbmuoy8rPI1usyz4jo1_1280.png) **

**_CHAT ROOM: Mercury Protection Squad_ **

_< Mom, Mom2, Favorite Son, Favorite Daughter, baby, why is he even here>_

**Favorite son  
** I am having such a great time right now

 **Mom  
** why

 **Why is he even here**  
yeah  
  
You never have a good time

 **Favorite son  
** *emerald is having a great time rn

ergo

 **Mom  
** you’re listening to her have sex?

 **Favorite son  
** no ew

 **Baby  
** oH SHIT I FORGOT

 **Why is he even here  
** forgot what

 **Baby  
** it’s the meet-the-parents chapter

 **Why is he even here  
** one: what

Two: chapter?

 **Baby  
** you know how we’ve established this whole situation between VG and CT as a super cheesy, angsty and fanfiction

This is the chapter of the fanfiction where emerald meets blake’s parents and freaks out about it

 **Mom2  
** ah

And why is merc having a fun time then?

 **Favorite Son  
** best friend privileges mofos

I get all the panic lesbian texts

It’s a good day

 **Baby  
** dude It’s like 9 PM

 **Favorite Son  
** do you think I have any fucking sense of time anymore

 **Baby  
** understandable have a nice day

 **Favorite son  
**.-.

 **Baby  
** shit I meant have a nice night I played myself didn’t i

 **Mom2  
** you’re so valid

 **Favorite son  
** so yeah if anyone wants to see panic lesbian texts : )

 **Favorite Daughter  
** I will shoot you with this gun I got without a background check

 **Baby  
** you made this joke already

 **Favorite Daughter  
** But it’s still topical, Neo

There has still been no action taken against the NRA in this country

Gun laws have not been made

We need to vote in November for congressional candidates that will actually fulfill our needs

Rather than that of the 1%

 **Mom  
** emerald

 **Favorite Daughter  
**?

 **Mom  
** did you just copy and paste that from your tumblr page

 **Favorite Daughter  
** yes

Yes I did

Im too busy paNICKING TO WRITE OUT A DISERTATION

 **Baby  
** ugh do I gotta blackmail merc for these panic messages

Do I gotta

 **Favorite Son  
** you don’t gotta blackmail

I can send these receipts right here right now

 **Favorite Daughter  
** I will end you

**Favorite Son  
**

 

Oops my finger slipped

 **Favorite Daughter  
** #ended

 **Favorite Son  
** Emerald you talk as if I don’t want to die already

Well buddy do I have some news for you

 **Mom  
** Take that self deprecation

And put it in your pocket

 **Favorite Son  
** I don’t have enough room

I’d need cargo shorts to fit all of this self loathing

 **Why is he even here  
** I thought that dad related vocabulary was prohibited from this chat

Cargo shorts are the most dad related you can get

 **Favorite Son  
** if it’s for a meme it’s ok

And only im allowed to do it

#privilege

 **Baby  
** wait you don’t need cargo shorts merc

You  don’t need cargo shortttsss

Guys pay attention to me and let me make my joke

Why did everyone go offline

 **Favorite Son  
** why don’t I need cargo shorts

 **Baby  
** you can fit that self deprecation in your eyebags

 **Favorite Son  
** nice

 **Mom  
** merc go to sleep

 **Favorite Son  
** my body says sleep

My collection of bottlecaps says “organize in color order”

 **Mom2  
** since when did you have a collection of bottlecaps

 **Mom  
** since never

He’s never had a collection of bottlecaps

 **Favorite Daughter  
** Yang does

And they’re basically married so

 **Baby  
** jdalksdjsl why doesn’t Emerald ever give me receipts from CT

I feel starved

 **Favorite Daughter  
** maybe because I respect their relationship and don’t want to share private information with friends that I know for a fact will fucking ruin every ounce of sanity he has

 **Why is he even here  
** unlikely but ok

 **Favorite Daughter  
** no it’s because most of our convos about it are in person so I don’t have receipts

But I wanted to come across as passive aggressive

Did it work

 **Mom  
** oh yeah I forgot to tell you guys

 **Mom2  
** oh shit yeah same

 **Mom  
** Vernal and I are engaged

 **Baby  
** WHAOIT

WHAYT

ATARKJ

WHAT

 **Favorite Daughter  
** I JUST SPIT OUT MY TEA IM TRYING TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION WTF CINDER

 **Favorite Son  
** really?

 **Mom  
** mhmm

We proposed to each other at the same time it was surreal

 **Mom2  
** yup

 **Favorite Daughter  
** OH SHIT MY GAY HEART JUST IMAGINED VERNAL IN A SUIT

 **Favorite Son  
** you’re literally meeting your future in-laws right now emerald way to be a homewrecker

 **Baby  
** jhdjAKSHDJKAFK WHAT

 **Why is he even here  
** wait, you guys didn’t know?

 **Baby  
** ROMAN KNEW AND NOT ME

 **Why is he even here  
** this is the first time someone’s said my name in awhile I feel so validated

 **Baby  
** WHY

 **Mom  
** because we knew no one would listen to him

 **Baby  
** understandable

 **Favorite Son  
** seriously guys im at a

 

                                                                       

for words

 **Mom2  
** WHY ARE THESE MEMES COMING BACK

BAD

BAD BAD BAD

 **Baby  
** GOODGOODGOOD

 **Favorite Son  
** so

Since you’re getting married

 **Mom  
** emerald is my maid of honor

 **Mom2  
** Boar Vessel, 600-500 BC, Etruscan Ceramic is my best man

 **Favorite Son  
** ok I was gonna be offended but nothing beats the boar vessel

 

**Favorite Daughter  
** please stop sending these

-

-

-

 **Blakey <7:08 PM>  
**Yang what if they embarrass me

 **Yang <7:09 PM>  
**parents embarrass their kids all the time it’ll be fine

 **Blakey <7:10 PM>  
**but yang the last serious relationship I had

Serious enough to meet the parents, at least

Was Adam

And we all know how that worked out

 **Yang <7:12 PM>  
**Blake

 **Blakey <7:12 PM>  
**and like what if they don’t approve?

I know that they’re ok with me liking girls and stuff

But like

 **Yang <7:13 PM>  
**blake have you MET your parents

 **Blakey <7:14 PM>  
**ok understandable

But WHAT IF EMERALD DOESn”T LIKE THEM

 **Yang <7:15 PM>  
**Blake have you MET your parents

 **Blakey <7:16 PM>  
**understandable

BUT WHAT IF

 **Yang <7:18 PM>  
**I don’t know emerald super well

So obviously I can’t predict her opinions on your parents

But you know who does

 **Blakey <7:19 PM>  
**good idea

-

-

-

 **Whipped for Em <7:20 PM>  
**I need advice what if emerald doesn’t like my parents

 **Mercury <7:23 PM>  
**she will

 **Whipped for Em <7:24 PM>  
**ah yes but what if she doesn’t

 **Mercury <7:25 PM>  
**em grew up basically homeless and parentless

And gay**

As long as your parents aren’t my parents you’re literally good

 **Whipped for Em <7:26 PM>  
**what constitutes your parents

 **Mercury <7:28 PM>  
**my mom was a prostitute who cared more about drugs than her kid and my dad beat my legs in with a wrench

 **Whipped for Em <7:29 PM>  
**ok I feel bad for asking now

 **Mercury <7:30 PM>  
**but you feel better about your parents, yes?

 **Whipped for Em <7:31 PM>  
**yeah

Thanks for sharing that with me

 **Mercury <7:32 PM>  
**it’s because im sleep deprived don’t make a big deal of it

I can no longer feel my legs that’s how tired I am

Oh fuck wait

-

-

-

 **Eminem <7:40 PM>  
**oMGOD

Blake’s parents are the most perfect parents in the world

THeY’RE PULLING OUT THE BABY PICTURES IM

 **Mercury <7:41 PM>  
**isn’t that a bad thing

Like isn’t that the most excruciating experience of all time

According to literally every movie/book/tv show etc

 **Eminem <7:42 PM>  
**well yeah

But this means that they’re like good parents!!

And that they don’t hate me!!

And that aksdlds

I don’t know

 **Mercury <7:43 PM>  
**they’re probably baking casserole or something

Since we are doing the cliché apparently

 **Eminem <7:43 PM>  
**uh no I don’t think so

Oh fuck fuck fuck mercury

They’re making sushi

 **Mercury <7:44 PM>  
**dude

Blake’s parents ARE perfect

 **Eminem <7:45 PM>  
**NO THIS IS BAD

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT IT WITHOUT LOOKING DISGUSTED?

 **Mercury <7:46 PM>  
**I knew that this oddly specific and overused joke would finally come to a startling conclusion

 **Eminem <7:47 PM>  
**I hate you

So

Much

 **Mercury <7:47 PM>  
**do you tho

 **Eminem <7:48 PM>  
**yeah

I do

 **Mercury <7:49 PM>  
**would you say that to this pretty face

[ ](https://78.media.tumblr.com/634c34cb0646d4ab65d2f3a4c9846be3/tumblr_pbmuoy8rPI1usyz4jo4_1280.jpg)

 

 **Eminem <7:50 PM>  
**I would never hate the Boar Vessel, 600-500 BC, Etruscan Ceramic

But I would still hate you :)

-

-

-

 **Mercury <7:55 PM>  
**yo remember that list of shit I told you about emerald back when you were still flirting/pining

 **Whipped for Em <7:55 PM>  
**yes

 **Mercury <7:56 PM>  
**do u

do u really

 **Whipped for Em <7:56 PM>  
**yeah it was like

Love her a lot

Let her talk about things she likes

And

Oh no

 **Mercury <7:58 PM>  
**im laughing so hard this is so fuckin good

 **Whipped for Em <7:58 PM>  
**ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno

 **Mercury <7:59 PM>**  
*[](https://78.media.tumblr.com/2fd316e4740418a48d1ed0ef2045278f/tumblr_pbmuoy8rPI1usyz4jo3_500.jpg)?

 **Whipped for Em <7:59 PM>  
**oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

 **Mercury <7:59 PM>  
**there you go

Panic grammatically

-

-

-

**_CHAT ROOM: Sausage Party?!!?_ **

_< AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, fetus™, Ice Queen, not single >_  
  
<not single> changed <AAAAAAAAAAAAAA>’s name to <sparky sparky boom boom man>  
  
<not single> changed her name to <AAAAAAAAAAAAA>

 **Sparky sparky boom boom man  
** I can’t believe that Blake is better than me at this naming thing

 **Ice Queen  
** that’s not saying much, yang

 **Fetus™  
** lmao

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** guys

Emerald doesn’t like Sushi

 **Sparky Sparky boom boom man  
** is this supposed to be news

Emerald doesn’t like avocado or raw fish

Merc constantly complains about it whenever they have a show because they can’t get sushi afterwards

 **Ice Queen  
** Yeah, Neo has tons of weird food porn with avacados that she constantly sends emerald to piss her off

 **Sparky sparky boom boom man  
** that’s a power move right there

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** MY paRENTS MADE SUSHI FOR DINNER TONIGHT

 **Sparky sparky boom boom man  
** HA

 **Ice Queen  
** well isn’t that ironic

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** what do I do

 **Fetus™  
** tell emerald that you forgot and then let your parents know?

 **Sparky sparky boom boom man  
** have avocado sex tonight to make up for it?

It’ll probably be a TUNa fun!

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** thank you ruby for your answer I will do that!

 **Sparky sparky boom boom man  
** ehhhh?

:D

:DD

:DDDD

 **AAAAAAAAAAAAA  
** go die in a hole yang

 **Sparky sparky boom boom man  
** :(

-

-

-

 **Eminem <9:30 PM>  
**just finished dinner and

It wasn’t bad

Blake apologized for the sushi and her parents offered to make something else but

I decided to try their sushi and it was ok

 **Merc <9:35 PM>  
**damn

 **Eminem <9:36 PM>  
**we’re staying a bit longer for some board games but

Yeah

 **Merc <9:37 PM>  
**sounds really nice

 **Eminem <9:37 PM>  
**are you ok?

 **Merc <9:38 PM>  
**yeah

Just a bit tired fam

 **Eminem <9:38 PM>  
**mk get some sleep

 **Merc <9:38 PM>  
**nah Yang’s over we’re watching the prequels

 **Eminem <9:39 PM>  
**after, then

-

 **Eminem <10:08 PM>  
**hey mercury?

 **Merc <10:08 PM>  
**hm?

 **Eminem <10:09 PM>  
**I think I might be in love with Blake

 **Merc <10:10 PM>  
**you’ve BEEN in love with blake

Hence why you ate sushi for her lmao

 **Eminem <10:10 PM>  
**no like in love-in love

I’ve never been in love-in love before

And it feels so new and bright and colorful

But it also feels like there’s a hand around my heart

It’s warm,

It’s comforting and fills this hole in my chest that I never knew I had

but it could clench at any moment

and kill me

I’m so scared but so excited and I don’t know what to do

-

_< Calling… **Whipped for Blake** >_

“Hello? Yang?”

_“Hey Emerald.”_

“Do you need Blake? She’s right here…”

“ _No! Um… It’s Mercury.”_

“Oh, uh, what about him?”

_“I don’t know what happened they said he was in shock­—”_

“What do you mean?”

_“He just collapsed— I had to call an ambulance. They said something about sleep deprivation…”_

“Fuck.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make a boar vessel, 600-500 BC Etruscan Ceramic meme before it officially died and thus i wrote a chapter
> 
> comments are love! 
> 
> or you can buy me a coffee :)


	17. Wholesome Cootie Club (YeAH I KNOW IT"S BEEN 6 MONTHS Y"ALL LETS JUST NOT TALK ABOUT THAT)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cory, back in the house:  
> im high on morphine y’all
> 
> Sweet bro:  
> Mercury they didn’t give you morphine that’s not how hospitals work

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hewwo again

**Chapter 17: Wholesome Cootie Club**

**_CHAT ROOM: just because  
_ ** _< Best Butch Babe, Irrelevant, Sweet Bro, The younger and better sister, the betterer sister, Mom, Panic Lesbian, Hella Jeff, useless lesbian>_

**Sweet Bro  
** Ok, so it’s been awhile since we’ve used this chat for anything other than memes

 **Irrelevant  
** I totally forgot this chat existed I had it muted until you told us to check it

I wonder why

Oh that’s

That’s why

Don’t scroll up guys

 **Mom  
** did you expect any chat that Neo is in to be void of food porn

 **Weeb Trash  
** uh whom’st else is gonna give “mayonii-chan” the attention it deserves

Fujoshis?? Get tf outta here w that shit

They are just here to give LGBT rep a bad name

I gotta do the world a flavor and provide a platform to my fav food porn creators that otherwise would only get toxic attention

 **Irrelevant  
** how was Neo’s character completely reduced to food porn

 **Weeb Trash  
** its bc I don’t have an actual personality/character arc to base my characterization on so im here for the jokes that no one else is brave enough to make

It’s a curse I must bear X3

 **Mom  
** did you all just forget about my son in the hospital

 **Irrelevant  
** we need comic relief

We are the gravedigger to Mercury’s Hamlet

 **Weeb Trash  
** he is an emo ass sasuke type

 **Irrelevant  
** we are completely irrelevant, but while people fawn over all the depressing shit going down, they’re also gonna have to think about how there is something out there in the world called mayonii-chan

 **Sweet Bro  
** Ok, so A) Y’all Nasty

No but seriously is mercury ok though

 **Panic Lesbian  
** yeah babe you left in a hurry :((( <3

 **Useless lesbian  
** Ugh get your cooties away from me.

 **The younger and better sister  
** Weiss they’re in the honeymoon stage let it happen

 **Weeb Trash  
** naw son those are still cooties they r contagious

 **Sweet Bro**  
B) Mercury is okay but he’s going to be asleep for like 48 hours or something, and Yang and I are staying at the hospital (along with our previous guardian/ward Salem who is paying for all these medical bills) until he is discharged

He is physically alright, other than the shock

 **Mom  
** And psychologically? I assume that is a much different story

 **The betterer sister  
** bingo

 **Useless lesbian  
** Correct me if I’m wrong, but his father got out of prison recently, no?

 **Mom  
** Yes. Unfortunately.

 **Useless Lesbian  
** Well if his situation is any similar to mine, I totally understand the sleeplessness.

 **The younger and better sister  
** I mean from what I can tell, Mercury always makes jokes about not sleeping and stuff

Like he’ll send snaps at 4 AM like this

[ ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/b0b43c4f2fe434f20f6f95d83cd32c8b/tumblr_pkp0n20aFZ1usyz4jo2_1280.jpg)

**Mom  
** he’s always had trouble sleeping

 **The betterer sister  
** he’s also busy all the time lmao like if he’s not working/schooling/practicing guitar, he’s watching the prequels back to back and lord knows how much time u gotta invest in those motherfuckers

 **Weeb Trash  
** have u two watched anything together outside of those awful movies

 **The betterer sister  
** amazing* first of all

And second of all

Fuck no

 **Useless lesbian  
** They must be an acquired taste, perhaps?

 **The younger and better sister  
** Weiss, darling,

 **Panic Lesbian  
** “darling”

 **Weeb trash  
** these are wholesome cooties they’re allowed

 **The younger and better sister  
** no matter what irony, what humor, what sentimental value those movies have

U can never learn to love them

“acquired taste” they

they are poison

moldy cheese

 **Best Butch Babe  
** some of the most expensive cheese is moldy though

Ive been looking at charcuterie for the wedding for the past 72 hours

At this point Im gonna end up as merc’s roommate

 **The younger and better sister  
** that was so ice cold

 **Weeb Trash  
** but if it’s vernal it’s ok because she is infallible and perfect in every way

 **Useless lesbian  
** Oh right! You’re getting married!

 **The younger and better sister  
** FUCK

 **The betterer sister  
** Ruby

 **The younger and better sister  
** *aw shucks!

**The betterer sister**   


And thus, balance is restored

 **The younger and better sister  
** anyways weissy loves party planning

Fancy party planning

She’s gonna geek out about DOILIES OR WHATEVER

 **Useless lesbian  
** I love doilies!

 **Best Butch Babe  
** Lucky you, loving this shit

I just want to sleep

Which is insensitive given the circumstances

But I am very tired

 **Useless lesbian  
** I will pay YOU to let me plan your wedding

 **Best Butch Babe  
** put pineapple pizza on the menu and it’s a deal

 **Useless Lesbian  
** You drive a tough bargain, but

Deal

 **Mom  
** I should want to have input  in this but I am too stressed about my son

 **Irrelevant  
** the moment he wakes up you’re going to go back to calling him a garbage child

 **Mom  
** and he is still a garbage child

I can be worried about my garbage child

 ****  
-  
-  
-

         The waiting room is cold, with these matte tile floors that feel like sandpaper underneath Yang’s sandals. Texting helps, though she doesn’t reply much, it’s nice to see everyone’s positivity and humor bleed into the sterile emptiness of the hospital around her. Emerald, on the phone with someone, paces in front of her. Ruby was like that too, she could never keep still when she talked to someone over the phone, and walked around the house clumsily as she chatted— she said that the phone, the distance, was a barrier, or a cage. Maybe Emerald felt caged, helpless, and that’s why she’d worn tracks through the floor.

         They weren’t alone in the waiting room, but it hadn’t been a busy night, thankfully. There were a few people sitting, scattered— if any more people were added to the fray, strangers would be forced to sit more than four seats away from one another.

         Yang never had good hospital experiences. When she was in pre-school, she’d landed face first into the rubber-plastic platform of the playground, and cut her forehead open. She cried and cried as the doctor cleaned the wound, diagnosing her with “needs-more-stitches-than-she-can-count-up-to.” Blinding pain was new to her at this point. The second time was when her and Ruby’s mom was sick— the waiting room felt different then, than it does now with Mercury. Hopelessness, replaced with anxiousness— she’s not sure which is worse.

         Of course, her most recent memory of the hospital is months ago, waking up on the other side of the waiting room, missing a part of her. She remembered it clearly, and yet the recollection still seems dreamlike, intangible. Until her release, the days blurred together, and people had lost their faces; the flowers by her bedside had lost their color. She remembers going through every stage of grief at once, and falling asleep with tears on her pillow, screeching breaks in her head.   
  
        She wonders how many times Mercury has woken up in that same bed. If it had gotten old, or if the ceiling tiles that greeted his opening eyes felt like a punch in the face, like it did for her.

         Emerald finally sits down, after an indeterminate amount of time. The world is both fast and slow around Yang, so she can’t tell if the other woman’s phone call had lasted seconds, minutes, or hours. The chairs line the walls— these dull-blue, plastic seats that stick to Yang’s thighs, forcing her to readjust every few moments. Emerald chooses a chair one away from Yang, needing space to breathe.

          She turns away from Yang, eyes closed, hair clumsily falling past her face, a line parallel to her cheekbones.

         It’s a moment before Yang speaks— a long moment of choking back unused words and biting down on her lip in trepidation. Her voice comes out in a choked whisper. “Hey, he’s going to be okay.”

         Emerald nods silently. Yang can faintly hear her teeth vibrating against each other as her lower lip quivers. She doesn’t add anything, because the emptiness that follows her words is comfortable— almost.

         Eventually, Emerald lets out a long, shaking sigh. “Did he tell you about my life before Salem?”

         Yang shakes her head, but she doesn’t breathe.

         “You can probably figure out that I didn’t have any parents,” she chuckles. “I didn’t have anybody.”

          There’s this smile that people make when they’re looking back at a past they hate. It’s a smile that hits so much harder than a frown, cheeks curling upwards, only to catch tears as they fall. And as Emerald continues, she smiles, with tears in her eyes. “I… I would always pass this store, and it was like in those Christmas movies, where the little poor kid wipes away the ice on the glass and stares at all the pastries or toys. I was dirty, without any winter clothes, and shoes that were three sizes too small.”

         “What was in the store?” Yang asked, voice just below a whisper.

         “It was a bookstore,” Emerald sighed. “Tuckson’s Book Trade. The walls were lined with books thicker than my _arm_ at the time, god I was starving.”

         “I started stealing for people, _bad_ people, you know? They gave me enough food to stay conscious and a couple of bucks for shipping and handling, or some crap. I would spend all of that money on books. Every penny that didn’t go towards keeping me alive, went to Tuckson’s.” She brings her feet onto the seat, tucking her face between her knees. “I had so many.”

         “What books did you have?” Yang asks. She realizes that the best way to keep Emerald sane is to keep her talking, keep her away from her thoughts.

         It seems to work, as Emerald smiles again, fondly this time, though the tears still rest, ready to fall, in her eyes. “All kinds. I didn’t know what I liked. I loved the fiction, I bought some textbooks.”

         She chuckles. “I had this one, I don’t know why I’d bought it, maybe I’d found it in a dumpster or something. It was an instructional manual for embroidery and stitching and stuff. It was covered in these disgusting stains, and the pages had been rained on so much that some of them had melted together.”

          “An embroidery book?”

         “Yeah, yeah. For some reason, I was so attached to it. I must’ve felt like I needed something to care about? Something that wouldn’t change, something tangible.” Even though there’s a lot more to Emerald’s story, it seems

         Yang understood that. She understood it well.

         “I lost my arm in a motorcycle race,” she says, eventually. It felt right, to talk about this now. And she hadn’t before, not to anyone. “I’m obsessed with adrenaline. When I’m on a rollercoaster, or doing something dangerous, like riding, that’s when I feel safest, ironically. Even now.”

         Emerald laughs softly. “You’re just like goddamn Mercury.”

         “Yeah.” She clears her throat. “Anyways— there was this guy, who, at the time, was dating Blake. Their relationship, that’s… that’s all her story. But I didn’t like it.”

         “You don’t have to tell me this.”

         Yang shakes her head. “I have to tell someone, you know? It’s easier with you than my friends, or my family, or even Merc, which is weird.”

         “It’s not.” Emerald tilts her head back slightly. If they weren’t in a hospital waiting room, it’d be the perfect moment for a mood inducing cigarette. “Strangers don’t have any consequences.”

         “We aren’t strangers, though.”

         Emerald shrugs. “Maybe. But until this conversation, we hadn’t passed the bechdel test, I don’t think.”

         Yang bursts out laughing. “My god, you’re right.”

         “I’m serious, though. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

         “I haven’t told anyone this, but I think that Blake’s old boyfriend did something to my bike. Before it crashed,” Yang says, words leaving her mouth quickly. Emerald gapes at her. “It could be my ego talking, or my shoddy, PTSD-y memories, but I can’t stop thinking about how I crashed.”

         “What do you mean?”

         “I’d confronted him, you know, about what had been going on with everything at the time. It was literally right before one of my races. When I crashed…” She gulps air without breathing as she stammers. “When I crashed, it was like my bike had just turned off the road on its own.”

         “Why haven’t you told anyone?”

         “I don’t know,” she sighs, before immediately corrects herself. “That’s a lie, I know. I just… I didn’t want to make things even more complicated. They broke it off soon after I woke up, and he was finally out of her life! I didn’t want to bring him back into it. I don’t want things to change even more.”

         “Sometimes, things change for the better.”

         “Since when were you an optimist?”

         “I’ve always been an optimist,” Emerald says, quietly, with a low and accepting voice. “I’ve always been naïve, even when I’ve been thrust out into the cold; even when I’ve lived in the gutter. I always like to think that people care. About me, about things.”

         “I used to think that I was an optimist,” Yang admits. “I’ve always been the fun one, the spunky blonde who loves life and loves love.”

         “And you’re… not?”

         She shakes her head. “No, I am all of those things. But I’m the opposite of those things, those things that you said. I see things, I see people as threats, and I can’t see past my own experiences. I look for reasons to give up on things.”

         “That’s normal, though. It’s harder to leave things to rot, than it is to help them grow. Sometimes it’s worth the effort though, to see the flower in the end?”

         Yang thinks back to a few months earlier, when she and Mercury had stopped talking to one another, when she had tried to hate him so hard, and had almost lost him in the end. She thinks back to her father, after her mother had died, how he had closed himself off, and she had almost let him spiral. She thinks back to Blake, how she had been enraptured by Adam and his promises of a new and better life, how she had been locked away, drawn to his gaslight, how Yang had almost lost her best friend to the wolves of the world.

         “Yeah,” she says, voice barely a whisper. “It is.”

-

-

-

 **Yang <2:04 AM>  
**hey blake

 **Blakey <2:06 AM>  
**hey Yang

How’s everything going? Are you going to stay at the hospital?

 **Yang <2:06 AM>  
**no, Emerald is going to drive me home once Salem gets here to do all of the bills and stuff

And then once we sleep we’re gonna go back to check on him

I’ll invite the others to come too if its ok

 **Blakey <2:07 AM>  
**Good, good

 **Yang <2:07 AM>  
**did I wake u?

 **Blakey <2:07 AM>  
**no

I was awake

Are you okay?

 **Yang <2:08 AM>  
**we haven’t talked since the accident

 **Blakey <2:08 AM>  
**our chat history would argue against that

 **Yang <2:09 AM>  
**we haven’t really talked

All of this stuff with Mercury and what his dad did to him

How that still fucks with him

To the point of him purposely not sleeping to avoid the nightmares

Im 

I’m so fucking sorry blake

About not being there

I shut myself off when you needed me

When Adam was HURTING you

And not being there afterwards

 **Blakey <2:13 AM>  
**Yang

You don’t need to apologize for that

You were dealing with your own trauma

You lost your arm, Yang

 **Yang <2:15 AM>  
**That’s not an excuse blake

You’re my best friend in the world

We’re practically sisters

And I may not have hurt you, but I still blamed you

I acted like everything was your fault because you weren’t there when I woke up

 **Blakey <2:18 AM>  
**You had a right to be mad

You’re right, we’re sisters

And I wasn’t there

 **Yang <2:19 AM>  
**I don’t want to lose you blake

I’ve come so close to losing you I don’t want

I don’t want to lose another part of me

And im so fucking happy that you found someone like Emerald who will love you in the way that you deserve

I’m happy that I found someone like merc who can understand me and not try to change me

And Im sorry that I haven’t said any of this sooner

 **Blakey <2:20 AM>  
**I’m sorry for not being there

I know now that it’s not my fault. That Adam had just turned me into this paranoid mess, and that I needed some serious help

But im still sorry

But thank you yang

Im

It’s hard to fix something that’s never needed fixing before

Because there has been something fundamentally changed about all of us since everything that happened.

And I’ve been trying to fix it, we all have. We’ve been putting pieces together that don’t fit anymore

But I don’t think that things are broken. Not right now at least

Things can be different without being broken

 **Yang <2:27 AM>  
**some things change for the better

 **Blakey <2:27 AM>  
**I hope that we have changed for the better

I think that we have

I think that im in love with emerald

 **Yang <2:28 AM>  
**PFFFT NO SHIT

Sorry that was supposed to be a whole moment and I ruined it

 **Blakey <2:28 AM>  
**you’re fine

No I mean like

I thought that I was in love with Adam, and maybe even Sun when we dated back in high school

But those were so much different than this feeling now

Sun was safety, which I needed back when I was in my angsty emo stage. Adam was exciting, something that I wanted when I was all rebellious or whatever. But somehow Emerald is both of those and more

 **Yang <2:29 AM>  
**without the facts that Sun was very much gay and adam was a garbage person

 **Blakey <2:30 AM>  
**god I don’t miss heartbreak

 **Yang <2:30 AM>  
**look at us talking like middleschoolers in a sleepover

OMG

 **Blakey <2:31 AM>  
**what

 **Yang <2:31 AM>  
**WE SHOULD HAVE A SLEEPOVEr

 **Blakey <2:31 AM>  
**we’re

We’re roommates yang

 **Yang <2:32 AM>  
**yeah but like a sleepover

         Pillowfights and romance talk and painting each others nails and watching the bachelorette while eating more pizza than we know what to do with

 **Blakey <2:33 AM>  
**okay, yang

That sounds wonderful

 **Yang <2:33 AM>  
**is that sarcasm

 **Blakey <2:34 AM>  
**no

For once

No it’s not.

 **Yang <2:34 AM>  
**Besties?

 **Blakey <2:34 AM>  
**Besties :)

-  
-  
-

  ** _CHAT ROOM: just because  
_** _< Best Butch Babe, Irrelevant, Sweet Bro, The younger and better sister, Mom, Panic Lesbian, Hella Jeff, useless lesbian, the betterer sister>_

**_< Hella Jeff>_ ** _changed their name to **< Cory, back in the house>**_

**Cory, back in the house  
** sup im back

 **The younger and better sister  
** YAY

 **Cory, back in the house  
** im high on morphine y’all

 **Sweet bro  
** Mercury they didn’t give you morphine that’s not how hospitals work

 **Cory, back in the house  
** sure,  
 ****  
in other news, Sonic is getting a live action movie

 **The younger and better sister  
** ALSO YAY

 **Useless lesbian  
** The worst thing is, I know that this is going to be a future date night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY SO I HAVE NO EXCUSE FOR TAKING A 6 MONTH HIATUS OTHER THAN THAT I LITERALLY STOPPED CARING ABOUT RWBY AND GNG AND EVERYTHING BUT BOY HOWDY V6 HAS BEEN BALLER AND I FELT LIKE WRITING A NEW CHAPTER  
> i was sort of burnt out ngl with the way i had set everything up, so i decided to take the next chunk of the story in a different direction than intended because i got bored with what i was doing before. I felt like i hadn't developed yang at all and it was bothering me a bunch because even though merc is my favorite boy ever and i love making him suffer, I felt like it was becoming too much like "Yang fixes her boy" and no nono ono i hate that trope so much. I had the first section of this chapter written for like months, and i didn't know what to do next. I started writing the emerald and yang conversation and suddenly everything snapped into place. I want this story to be more than an angsty romance chat fic. I want it to mean something, to have a theme other than vague symbolism and cliffhanger shock. I want to say something with my writing. Hopefully that came through in this chapter. Anyways, there are some plot things im gonna get to eventually, but who knows. idk when im going to update next, so don't ask because yo im bad at telling y'all things it's been 6 months.
> 
> anyways how about that Merc backstory in the actual show that literally had me WEEPING???! RT had no right to actually give me what i've wanted for 3 years. because now idk what to do with myself. anyways bye

**Author's Note:**

> updates will be sporadic/not regular since drawing takes awhile
> 
> Apathetically Anywhere is still a thing dw
> 
> more/quality comments means more updates btw
> 
> enjoy
> 
> BUY ME A COFFEE! It really helps me keep making content since I do a lot of writing at Panera! http://ko-fi.com/G2G0DRHY


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